Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
User avatar
Red Ryder
Posts: 4161
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Red Ryder » Thu May 18, 2017 11:17 am

Imagine for a minute that Elder Bednar is sitting in his home office. It's late and he's tired from a long travel schedule, endless church meetings, and the drowsy effects of scripture reading. He pulls his chair closer to the desk, straightens his perfect posture, and logs onto his Dell desktop still running windows 95 to check his yahoo email account. Earlier he forwarded a funny joke to the other Quorum members and wanted to check for replies.

Wouldn't this be the perfect moment for Satan to tempt Elder Bednar with a few risqué pictures of Kim Kardashian or a Pamela Anderson from 1993? Satan could exploit the vulnerabilities in internet explorer and with a few pop ups scare the Holy Ghost right out of Elder Bednar's house and a three block radius. After all, it's 8:45 pm, a late night for an apostle of The Lord. Wouldn't that be a weakness Satan would exploit?

Imagine for a minute that Elder and Sister Bednar are sitting in bed watching reruns of the October 1967 General Conference. Sister Bednar is anxious. Elder Bednar is tired from a long travel schedule, endless church meetings, and the drowsy effects of scripture reading. She hopes to engage him in god ordained marital intimacy with missionary approved positioning.

Wouldn't this be a perfect moment for Satan to tempt Elder Bednar with removing Sister Bednar's garments and to look upon her nakedness? Or perhaps roll her over and find a new style only a dyslexic god would approve of? After all, it's 8:52 pm, a late night for an apostle of The Lord. Wouldn't that be a weakness Satan would exploit?
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

User avatar
oliver_denom
Posts: 464
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2016 4:09 pm

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by oliver_denom » Thu May 18, 2017 11:24 am

I'd assume the GA's are tempted by Satan much more than you and I, because there's nothing special about us.

The only thing far fetched about your examples are the ideas that 1) Bednar owns a computer 2) He and the Mrs. sleep in the same bed.
“You want to know something? We are still in the Dark Ages. The Dark Ages--they haven't ended yet.” - Vonnegut

L'enfer, c'est les autres - JP

User avatar
alas
Posts: 2381
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 2:10 pm

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by alas » Thu May 18, 2017 11:32 am

Obviously Satan tempts them. Otherwise they would have given the church's surplus money to the hungry instead of building malls and expensive apartment complexes.

See, you are looking for sexual sin, which they are probably too suppressed to give into, where I think their favorite sin is greed.

User avatar
Red Ryder
Posts: 4161
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Red Ryder » Thu May 18, 2017 1:28 pm

Imagine for a minute that 15 Apostles are sitting in the assembly room listening to Elder Gong discuss the risks of derivative swaps and investments. Elder Packer is tired from a long travel schedule, endless church meetings, and the drowsy effects of scripture reading. Elder Oaks interrupts and wonders if Donny Osmond is gay. Elder Gong chides him for not paying attention and resorts to starting the power point slide deck and presentation again from the beginning. He politely reminds them they have $13 Billion dollars to allocate among the 27 portfolios of the church.

Wouldn't this be a perfect moment for Satan to tempt the 15 Apostles to invest in real estate, malls, and hunting preserves? Elder Bednar, interrupting his own day dream of removing Sister Bednar's garments, stands and raises his right hand commanding Satan to depart. He forcefully tells Satan, we've already come up with that idea on our own! That will never be a weakness you could exploit!
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

Korihor
Posts: 1239
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 10:37 am

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Korihor » Thu May 18, 2017 2:13 pm

A Puppet Master does not tempt his marionettes. He wholly controls them.
Last edited by Korihor on Mon May 22, 2017 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reading can severely damage your ignorance.

User avatar
Corsair
Posts: 3080
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:58 am
Location: Phoenix

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Corsair » Thu May 18, 2017 4:06 pm

I'm guessing that before Bednar gets on the internet he has to get his wife to put in the secret wifi password.

More seriously, was there every any element of temptation for LDS leaders to marry the cutest young woman for reasons other than fulfilling the New and Everlasting Covenant of (Plural) Marriage? I will happily grant forgiveness towards any young man that pursues a young woman because she is attractive. It would be a rare young man that didn't do that. But for subsequent wives, was carnal desire ever an issue? This is not a theoretical question. It would be great if Apologetic defenders of polygamy had an explanation that does not rely Divine Command theory (God commanded it!) or an Argument from Ignorance (We don't know why they did it so we assume they were righteous!).

Thoughtful
Posts: 1162
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:54 pm

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Thoughtful » Thu May 18, 2017 4:28 pm

If you've had your second anointing, what purpose could Satan have for tempting you?

User avatar
Silver Girl
Posts: 375
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 6:31 am

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Silver Girl » Thu May 18, 2017 5:08 pm

I may or may not have some previous coworkers who, being the funny and impish IT guys they were, loaded some adult content onto the computer of a guy who, uh, deserved to be land-mined that way. It was visual as well as audible. The guy had a very difficult time getting the intimate language, groans and heavy breathing to stop.
.
.
Silver Girl is sailing into the future. She is no longer scared.

User avatar
2bizE
Posts: 2420
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 9:33 pm

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by 2bizE » Fri May 19, 2017 7:54 am

Yes, apostles and prophets are tempted beyond our means to understand. For example, an angel could visit a prophet with a flaming sword and threaten to kill him unless he marries and has sex with young girls. Imagine how tempting that would be.
~2bizE

User avatar
wtfluff
Posts: 3655
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:20 pm
Location: Worshiping Gravity / Pulling Taffy

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by wtfluff » Fri May 19, 2017 8:27 am

Thoughtful wrote:
Thu May 18, 2017 4:28 pm
If you've had your second anointing, what purpose could Satan have for tempting you?
Touché!
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

IDKSAF -RubinHighlander

You can surrender without a prayer...

User avatar
Corsair
Posts: 3080
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:58 am
Location: Phoenix

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Corsair » Fri May 19, 2017 8:44 am

Thoughtful wrote:
Thu May 18, 2017 4:28 pm
If you've had your second anointing, what purpose could Satan have for tempting you?
Getting someone with a Second Anointing onto Satan's side would be an excellent PR move for the Dark Lord. We already have Tom Phillips, although the LDS church seems determined to ignore this issue.

Margarita
Posts: 84
Joined: Sat May 06, 2017 4:21 pm

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Margarita » Fri May 19, 2017 9:21 am

oliver_denom wrote:
Thu May 18, 2017 11:24 am
I'd assume the GA's are tempted by Satan much more than you and I, because there's nothing special about us.

The only thing far fetched about your examples are the ideas that 1) Bednar owns a computer 2) He and the Mrs. sleep in the same bed.
:lol: :lol:

Margarita
Posts: 84
Joined: Sat May 06, 2017 4:21 pm

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Margarita » Fri May 19, 2017 9:22 am

wtfluff wrote:
Fri May 19, 2017 8:27 am
Thoughtful wrote:
Thu May 18, 2017 4:28 pm
If you've had your second anointing, what purpose could Satan have for tempting you?
Touché!
Good question!!

User avatar
Hagoth
Posts: 7148
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:13 pm

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Hagoth » Fri May 19, 2017 3:26 pm

alas wrote:
Thu May 18, 2017 11:32 am
See, you are looking for sexual sin, which they are probably too suppressed to give into, where I think their favorite sin is greed.
Actually, I think thousands of interviews about the most intimate details of our lives probably does a pretty good job of weeding out anyone with a normal sex drive, with continual thinning as you move up through the ranks, which would explain why those who make it all the way to the top are so often utterly clueless about human sexuality.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

User avatar
Red Ryder
Posts: 4161
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Red Ryder » Fri May 19, 2017 3:54 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Fri May 19, 2017 3:26 pm
alas wrote:
Thu May 18, 2017 11:32 am
See, you are looking for sexual sin, which they are probably too suppressed to give into, where I think their favorite sin is greed.
Actually, I think thousands of interviews about the most intimate details of our lives probably does a pretty good job of weeding out anyone with a normal sex drive, with continual thinning as you move up through the ranks, which would explain why those who make it all the way to the top are so often utterly clueless about human sexuality.
Apostolicoital dilution.

Not to be confused with Lamanite DNA dilution although eerily similar.
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

User avatar
wtfluff
Posts: 3655
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:20 pm
Location: Worshiping Gravity / Pulling Taffy

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by wtfluff » Fri May 19, 2017 6:52 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Fri May 19, 2017 3:26 pm
alas wrote:
Thu May 18, 2017 11:32 am
See, you are looking for sexual sin, which they are probably too suppressed to give into, where I think their favorite sin is greed.
Actually, I think thousands of interviews about the most intimate details of our lives probably does a pretty good job of weeding out anyone with a normal sex drive, with continual thinning as you move up through the ranks, which would explain why those who make it all the way to the top are so often utterly clueless about human sexuality.
Do you think they are actually asexual, or have just convinced themselves that they are asexual because the Corporation™ told them that's best?
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

IDKSAF -RubinHighlander

You can surrender without a prayer...

User avatar
Hagoth
Posts: 7148
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:13 pm

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Hagoth » Fri May 19, 2017 7:49 pm

wtfluff wrote:
Fri May 19, 2017 6:52 pm
Do you think they are actually asexual, or have just convinced themselves that they are asexual because the Corporation™ told them that's best?
Good question. Maybe they're chemically castrated, either by decades of guilt-induced shock to the endocrine system, or by an additive in the COB cafeteria's non-caffeinated beverage dispenser.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

User avatar
Meilingkie
Posts: 403
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 8:40 pm
Location: Tilburg
Contact:

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Meilingkie » Sat May 20, 2017 12:07 am

Corsair wrote:
Thu May 18, 2017 4:06 pm
But for subsequent wives, was carnal desire ever an issue? This is not a theoretical question. It would be great if Apologetic defenders of polygamy had an explanation that does not rely Divine Command theory (God commanded it!) or an Argument from Ignorance (We don't know why they did it so we assume they were righteous!).
Yes it was an issue back in the day
Hirshson's endnote [65] references The New York Tribune, May 15, 1860 and The New York Times, April 17, 1860. Here's the relevant paragraph from the newspaper article:


Some time ago HEBER KIMBALL was lecturing some missionaries who were preparing to start out on foreign missions, in the Tabernacle, and said to them: "Brethren, I want you to understand that it is not to be as it has been heretofore. The brother Missionaries have been in the habit of picking out the prettiest women for themselves before they get here, and bringing on the ugly ones for us; hereafter you have to bring them all here before taking any of them, and let us all have a fair shake." The old reprobate then had at least a score of women whom he called wives. [5]
"Getting the Mormon out of the Church is easier than getting the Mormon out of the Ex-Mormon"

User avatar
Nonny
Posts: 114
Joined: Wed Apr 05, 2017 3:44 pm
Location: Colorado

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by Nonny » Sat May 20, 2017 6:47 am

Meilingkie wrote:
Sat May 20, 2017 12:07 am
“ Some time ago HEBER KIMBALL was lecturing some missionaries who were preparing to start out on foreign missions, in the Tabernacle, and said to them: "Brethren, I want you to understand that it is not to be as it has been heretofore. The brother Missionaries have been in the habit of picking out the prettiest women for themselves before they get here, and bringing on the ugly ones for us; hereafter you have to bring them all here before taking any of them, and let us all have a fair shake." The old reprobate then had at least a score of women whom he called wives. [5]
Can you imagine the uncomfortable laughter following Kimball's statement? The men turning to their neightbor, like, is he serious or joking? The younger ones thinking, is that really an option, is that what those older guys have been doing all this time? Heber probably just planted some ideas here. Of course there were no women in the room to give them the stink eye.

The polygamists were no more or less carnal than any other people, they just had more license to follow through with it.

User avatar
MoPag
Posts: 3916
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 2:05 pm

Re: Does Satan tempt the General Authorities?

Post by MoPag » Mon May 22, 2017 12:18 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Thu May 18, 2017 11:17 am
and logs onto his Dell desktop still running windows 95 to check his yahoo email account.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Does Satan temp the GAs? Probably not as much as he laughs at them.

But let me "Bednar" this question. Do the GAs believe Satan tempts them? I would guess no. They have lived lives oozing with privilege. I bet they think they can't be affected at this point. I bet they lean on the "God will never let the church be led astray" bullsh*t and then think "Oh hey well I'm leading the church so if I do something wrong God will take care of it." :?
...walked eye-deep in hell
believing in old men’s lies...--Ezra Pound

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 69 guests