Anyone here in a Relief Society Presidency?

[Tacenda]

For several years now I've opted out of having visiting teachers. I haven't had any calls or visits from two RS presidents now, so a few years of not hearing from either one. I've been in two presidencies as the secretary in the past and the last one the president would always reach out and check up on those inactives or those that didn't have vt's. Just curious if this is a directive that they do this, or was this last RS president I worked with an anomaly?

I'm asking because I keep wondering why the snub for me. I know I should be happy about it but I'm not. It's been so lonely to go through this faith crisis now that I'm pretty much inactive, for about 3 months. My faith crisis has been going on for years and I can't seem to just break ties and move on. I keep thinking since the bishop and stake president know of my doubt, what if it's that they are specifically telling the president to leave me alone.

Thanks for hearing me out. I'm a former NOM that went by it'sanewday in case anyone remembers me. I didn't post often though.

[Give It Time]

For several years now I've opted out of having visiting teachers. I haven't had any calls or visits from two RS presidents now, so a few years of not hearing from either one. I've been in two presidencies as the secretary in the past and the last one the president would always reach out and check up on those inactives or those that didn't have vt's. Just curious if this is a directive that they do this, or was this last RS president I worked with an anomaly?

I'm asking because I keep wondering why the snub for me. I know I should be happy about it but I'm not. It's been so lonely to go through this faith crisis now that I'm pretty much inactive, for about 3 months. My faith crisis has been going on for years and I can't seem to just break ties and move on. I keep thinking since the bishop and stake president know of my doubt, what if it's that they are specifically telling the president to leave me alone.

Thanks for hearing me out. I'm a former NOM that went by it'sanewday in case anyone remembers me. I didn't post often though.

It's my understanding it's the RSP's responsibility to visit those who don't have VTs or are less active. It's also my understanding they'd be thrilled if you requested regular teachers and visits, but it may be a case of going from frying pan to fire.

[Random]

For several years now I've opted out of having visiting teachers. I haven't had any calls or visits from two RS presidents now, so a few years of not hearing from either one.

When I was secretary, people who did not want visiting teachers were put on a do not contact list, and either "do not contact" or "dnc" was written on the roles. As they desired, no one contacted them. I don't know if they tried every few years or what, but I moved out of the ward, then temporarily moved back in about 3 years later. I was assigned to visit someone who had been on the dnc list before. My vt partner knew nothing about it, so I don't know how she got back on the route.

Perhaps you could concede that you wouldn't mind a visit from the presidency, because it sounds like they may follow my old ward's protocol of putting people on a do not contact list.

[Silver Girl]

I was RS Secy for a while, and there are a few things that can affect the consistency of contacts:

1) Some RS presidencies drop the ball on VT and that becomes the culture of the ward for a while (even through successive presidencies, because they help train their successors).

2) When a current RS president passes along info to the next one, she will often tell her how inactive members or special cases should be handled, or what has worked for her. As others mentioned here, you may have been on a list for no contacts. You can certainly request to be contacted, but be prepared for an all-out effort to get you completely back in the boat, such as a calling that requires you to attend, VTs you are asked to see, etc. etc.

3) Sometimes new RS presidencies try to reach out more than others do, or there can be a new wave of "We need to do this!" instructions coming down from the stake level or above. Since VT compliance is one of the numbers that are reported, that one hits the radar screen often.

4) This one is just my take on it, and it may sound harsh but I think inactive women who have kids at home are more likely to be contacted than single women who never had kids or whose kids are grown. This is because the church culture has so many rites of passage for children (baptism, ordination for boys, YM & YW, seminary, etc.). Singles are the most neglected group in the entire church, unless maybe they're huge tithe payers or super reliable at fulfilling callings. I heard too many discussions about inactive families with kids needing to be baptized, etc. to ignore that factor. In contrast, I don't remember much ever being said about older women who didn't show up.

Quite honestly, my take on it is that being contacted is NOT a sign that they care. The church teaches its leaders to record and report numbers. So letters being sent, VT visits, etc. are first and foremost a way of looking good, and they're secondarily genuine signs of caring. Or maybe even further down the list.

[Silver Girl]

For several years now I've opted out of having visiting teachers. I haven't had any calls or visits from two RS presidents now, so a few years of not hearing from either one. I've been in two presidencies as the secretary in the past and the last one the president would always reach out and check up on those inactives or those that didn't have vt's. Just curious if this is a directive that they do this, or was this last RS president I worked with an anomaly?

I'm asking because I keep wondering why the snub for me. I know I should be happy about it but I'm not. It's been so lonely to go through this faith crisis now that I'm pretty much inactive, for about 3 months. My faith crisis has been going on for years and I can't seem to just break ties and move on. I keep thinking since the bishop and stake president know of my doubt, what if it's that they are specifically telling the president to leave me alone.

Thanks for hearing me out. I'm a former NOM that went by it'sanewday in case anyone remembers me. I didn't post often though.

One more thought, related to your comment about the bishop and stake president - some leaders are so terrified of people leaving now that they're opting for the "don't poke the bear" way of handling it. Many members who are disaffected but still on the books make it very clear they want NO contact at all, no cookies, no nothing. If you feel you'd benefit from talking to a leader, I am sure they'd welcome the chance to meet with you.

However, I am not sure if they would have the kind of comfort you need. Maybe they are at a point of listening and understanding, and trying to help people who are in a faith crisis, and maybe they aren't. There is no leadership training for what the church is going through. None. Some people still get harsh "Your family is doomed" responses, or get lectured about needing to pray, or get questions about how they have sinned or failed to read the BoM every day, etc. Some are fortunate enough to have leaders who recognize people are in pain and are willing to listen, if not offer solutions. I had some of both; my bishop was a jerk, but my stake leaders were wonderful. Even so, I resigned. But I am still on friendly terms with people.

Finally - I remember you from the old NOM board! So glad to see you! I was there as well, under the name "Scared." I resigned, so I am no longer scared of the church!

[Tacenda]

For several years now I've opted out of having visiting teachers. I haven't had any calls or visits from two RS presidents now, so a few years of not hearing from either one. I've been in two presidencies as the secretary in the past and the last one the president would always reach out and check up on those inactives or those that didn't have vt's. Just curious if this is a directive that they do this, or was this last RS president I worked with an anomaly?

I'm asking because I keep wondering why the snub for me. I know I should be happy about it but I'm not. It's been so lonely to go through this faith crisis now that I'm pretty much inactive, for about 3 months. My faith crisis has been going on for years and I can't seem to just break ties and move on. I keep thinking since the bishop and stake president know of my doubt, what if it's that they are specifically telling the president to leave me alone.

Thanks for hearing me out. I'm a former NOM that went by it'sanewday in case anyone remembers me. I didn't post often though.

It's my understanding it's the RSP's responsibility to visit those who don't have VTs or are less active. It's also my understanding they'd be thrilled if you requested regular teachers and visits, but it may be a case of going from frying pan to fire.

That's what I thought. I don't really want to contact them for visits because I would think that church shouldn't be the only reason they reach out since they were formerly friends (I guess not real ones). The first RS president was a former visiting teacher, so I was really suprised she didn't reach out. I thought she was just hugely disappointed in me, since when she visited with me years ago, she was upset when her niece left the church over Prop 8.

The current RS presidency, the 1st counselor is my neighbor two doors down and my occasional friend, she'll text me to go walking and such but only once or twice a month, where usually I'm busy or have school. So I wonder if she's counting those texts as a visit to me.

I do remember being just like these ladies when I was in a presidency. When I was in, the RS president had me contact an inactive lady and my excuse for calling her was to offer her some extra watermelons in my garden, how lame it that? So I was there at one time. Feeling strange thinking they really don't want my call. Now I'm on the other end, I'd just like someone, anyone to reach out.

I really appreciate your feedback, helps so much, and I'll take the cyber friendship as a replacement anytime. Hopefully I don't offend anyone on here. Then there really must be something wrong with me.

[Tacenda]

For several years now I've opted out of having visiting teachers. I haven't had any calls or visits from two RS presidents now, so a few years of not hearing from either one. I've been in two presidencies as the secretary in the past and the last one the president would always reach out and check up on those inactives or those that didn't have vt's. Just curious if this is a directive that they do this, or was this last RS president I worked with an anomaly?

I'm asking because I keep wondering why the snub for me. I know I should be happy about it but I'm not. It's been so lonely to go through this faith crisis now that I'm pretty much inactive, for about 3 months. My faith crisis has been going on for years and I can't seem to just break ties and move on. I keep thinking since the bishop and stake president know of my doubt, what if it's that they are specifically telling the president to leave me alone.

Thanks for hearing me out. I'm a former NOM that went by it'sanewday in case anyone remembers me. I didn't post often though.

One more thought, related to your comment about the bishop and stake president - some leaders are so terrified of people leaving now that they're opting for the "don't poke the bear" way of handling it. Many members who are disaffected but still on the books make it very clear they want NO contact at all, no cookies, no nothing. If you feel you'd benefit from talking to a leader, I am sure they'd welcome the chance to meet with you.

However, I am not sure if they would have the kind of comfort you need. Maybe they are at a point of listening and understanding, and trying to help people who are in a faith crisis, and maybe they aren't. There is no leadership training for what the church is going through. None. Some people still get harsh "Your family is doomed" responses, or get lectured about needing to pray, or get questions about how they have sinned or failed to read the BoM every day, etc. Some are fortunate enough to have leaders who recognize people are in pain and are willing to listen, if not offer solutions. I had some of both; my bishop was a jerk, but my stake leaders were wonderful. Even so, I resigned. But I am still on friendly terms with people.

Finally - I remember you from the old NOM board! So glad to see you! I was there as well, under the name "Scared." I resigned, so I am no longer scared of the church!

I remember you as well Scared, or Silver Girl! Glad you've been able to see the light and move on.

[Tacenda]

I was RS Secy for a while, and there are a few things that can affect the consistency of contacts:

1) Some RS presidencies drop the ball on VT and that becomes the culture of the ward for a while (even through successive presidencies, because they help train their successors).

2) When a current RS president passes along info to the next one, she will often tell her how inactive members or special cases should be handled, or what has worked for her. As others mentioned here, you may have been on a list for no contacts. You can certainly request to be contacted, but be prepared for an all-out effort to get you completely back in the boat, such as a calling that requires you to attend, VTs you are asked to see, etc. etc.

3) Sometimes new RS presidencies try to reach out more than others do, or there can be a new wave of "We need to do this!" instructions coming down from the stake level or above. Since VT compliance is one of the numbers that are reported, that one hits the radar screen often.

4) This one is just my take on it, and it may sound harsh but I think inactive women who have kids at home are more likely to be contacted than single women who never had kids or whose kids are grown. This is because the church culture has so many rites of passage for children (baptism, ordination for boys, YM & YW, seminary, etc.). Singles are the most neglected group in the entire church, unless maybe they're huge tithe payers or super reliable at fulfilling callings. I heard too many discussions about inactive families with kids needing to be baptized, etc. to ignore that factor. In contrast, I don't remember much ever being said about older women who didn't show up.

Quite honestly, my take on it is that being contacted is NOT a sign that they care. The church teaches its leaders to record and report numbers. So letters being sent, VT visits, etc. are first and foremost a way of looking good, and they're secondarily genuine signs of caring. Or maybe even further down the list.

That just may be the problem, someone has put me on the Do Not Contact list. Edit to add: Oops this was meant for Random.

[Tacenda]

deleted

[Tacenda]

For several years now I've opted out of having visiting teachers. I haven't had any calls or visits from two RS presidents now, so a few years of not hearing from either one.

When I was secretary, people who did not want visiting teachers were put on a do not contact list, and either "do not contact" or "dnc" was written on the roles. As they desired, no one contacted them. I don't know if they tried every few years or what, but I moved out of the ward, then temporarily moved back in about 3 years later. I was assigned to visit someone who had been on the dnc list before. My vt partner knew nothing about it, so I don't know how she got back on the route.

Perhaps you could concede that you wouldn't mind a visit from the presidency, because it sounds like they may follow my old ward's protocol of putting people on a do not contact list.

That just may be the reason then. I didn't know about that.

[Tacenda]

Thanks ladies, I know how busy life can be and just the thought that you took time to response means a lot!!

[Random]

That just may be the reason then. I didn't know about that.

It does seem the most likely, in my experience.

[LostGirl]

I wouldn't read too much into it. Each presidency handles things their own way. Others may be like me and project their own perspective onto others. I always felt that the rescue visits to people that we had not seen in years were a bit creepy and thought that if I had left I wouldn't want people chasing me, possibly because I personally would be quite happy if my vt didn't come at all.
It is always nice to feel like someone cares but I don't think I would see a random contact from someone who is just going through the list again as being motivated by true concern for me.