Music

[Korihor]

This is a topic that has been discussed many times here before, but I thought I would share my experience. Disclaimer - as you all know, I have a few complaints regarding the church, so my views might be a little jaded.

Background Info: Mrs Misbehaved is in Utah with our kids visiting family and having a little a little vacay - I will join them in 2 weeks, but during the interim I'm living the bachelor lifestyle.

I was BIC and grew up with the standard LDS views that hard rock was not an appropriate music selection and especially not at loud volumes. I remember my dad coming into my room one time when I was 16 or so and telling me that my Metallica album wasn't appropriate for someone preparing to serve a mission - (Give me fuel, Give me Fire, Give me that which I desire!) I always liked some hard music from time to time - who doesn't? But every time I listened to it, I had background guilt in my mind. "I like this but I'm not supposed to like this". I attended several concerts in my youth. Offspring, Disturbed, X96 Big Ass Show, etc. I thought I was a bad boy for doing that which is normal.

I'll never forget one concert. Blink 182 was at the 'E' center in West Valley. Just as the concert started - a girl lifted her shirt and flashed the crowd. It was the first time I saw boobies in public. It was awesome. Then the excitement was quenched by the guilt that I was doing something inappropriate. My teenage hormones were sedated with the holy spirit.

I didn't regret going to that show, I bought a t-shirt and kept it for at least 15+ years. It was one of 2 t-shirts I brought on my my mission as a p-day shirt and the only one to survive 2 years in Argentina. That shirt reminded me of that show and the day I saw something I shouldn't have. I liked it, but I felt guilt as well. I had a torn soul. That music was my forbidden fruit. I wanted it. I tasted it but never swallowed it.

Since shedding my views about God and church and "what is appropriate", I've seen the world in such brighter colors. Art has so much more meaning. Tonight, since I am home alone, I have the stereo cranked up with a hard rock station on Amazon music. It's fun because the lyrics are shown as the song is played. I've focused on the music and lyrics. (Also, I've had a few drinks to ease my mood). There is so much meaning in so many of these songs that I never realized before. Songs of hope, despair, love, anger, pain, motivation and depression.

As a TBM, I would listen to the forbidden fruit music but not internalize it. I didn't focus on the words. I avoided certain explicit lyrics. There is so much more to it that I never heard before. All the stupid songs in the LDS hymnal and 'church approved' music desensitized me to reality. Those songs only allowed for a single acceptable emotion that masked the real me and filtered my worldview with undeserved guilt for any other emotion.

So tonight has been an enlightening night. Slowly sipping a few beers, doing the dishes and laundry, scrolling Facebook a little all with the stereo cranked up with Avenged Sevenfold, Metallica, Disturbed, Papa Roach, Korn, System of a Down, Five Finger Death Punch and friends teaching me lessons now that I finally have ears to hear.

[blazerb]

Growing up, I thought I felt so much guilt about the music I liked to listen to. I was exposed to a lot of different music styles, so my tastes are a bit eclectic. But I have realized that what I thought was guilt was really shame because my tastes did not match what I thought they should be to please God. I have felt so much better realizing that. I can let go of the shame and just enjoy what I enjoy. It doesn't hurt anyone.

[nibbler]

I know what you mean. Hard rock, lol how tame .

I joined the church after my musical tastes were largely established. Metallica was my gateway drug into metal and it came along with the ride when I joined the church. I also had that "is this appropriate" debate constantly going on inside my head. It didn't help that there were many messages from leadership specifically calling out music I liked.

I took a Pantera t-shirt with me on my mission. No vulgar displays of power on the t-shirt whatsoever, just a shirt with the word "Pantera" across the front. I remember wearing it to go clean buildings on one p-day in the MTC and some random elder walking by in the throng grabbed my garment, I perceived the loss, and they proceeded to give me an extended tongue lashing for wearing the t-shirt. I was old enough at the time to think, "What a jerk." instead of feeling the programmed guilt that was expected of me.

I was a little on the fence during my orthodox years (very little) but mostly I compartmentalized my music preferences from my religion.

Hell, when I got my mission call a concert I really wanted to attend was coming through town with one catch... it would be in my town two weeks after I reported to the MTC. So I drove 10 hours one way to attend the concert two weeks before I reported to the MTC. I guess if I had family and friends that were members they would have given me all kinds of crap for going but I didn't so I went. I didn't do anything sketchy at the concert, I was as straight laced as the best of them and wasn't going to do anything to put my righteousness in jeopardy. I'm glad I went. It's a memory that would have otherwise been a forgettable day two weeks before I reported to the MTC.

And just for you:

[platapus]

I always was into music... still am. I remember as a youth there was a fireside about the dangers of "bad" music. I think it was BKP who was on the film. It showed lyrics by the Sex Pistol's "Anarchy in the UK" etc. I remember thinks with my friends, "Alright this is the music we like". Rock'n'Roll is rebellion. On to the mission to Brasil... the night before I went to the MTC I saw PiL, New Order, and the Sugarcubes (Bjork's old band). Took myNew Order shirt and Depeche Mode shirt with me, though they didn't come back. I snuck some tapes with me to listen on my walk man but also got to like some Brazilian bands like Legiao Urbana, and Titas. Got a talking too from time to time but I didn't care.

[Ghost]

When I was preparing to become a missionary, I talked with a recently-returned missionary who was a few years older than me. One of my biggest questions for him was whether his musical taste and what he found appropriate had changed at all. He told me that he had disposed of most of his CD collection upon his return.

This made me nervous because, although I wanted to continue to progress spiritually, I did not like the idea of having to settle for music that I did not enjoy as much because it aligned better with my ideals than, say, Depeche Mode.

Much of my favorite music then and now would be considered harmless even by LDS standards, but there were always a few outliers. For example, I recently listened to a song that I liked a lot in high school but had not heard in years: "Heresy" by Nine Inch Nails. I found it edgy back then, but now I find it amusing (and still fun, musically)

[Thoughtful]

I love music, and as a good feminist make sure to point out problematic music.

My kids may listen to music about consensual sex like Ed Sheeran, but not songs about rape, such as Robin Thicke.

Driving through Utah I complain loudly about censorship.

I listened to a lot of music about sex and was never driven to have it, the way my youth leaders insisted it would...

[The Beast]

I bought Depeche Mode's Music for the Masses on the way home from my mission and listened to it. It was awesome. My SP seriously considered not giving me an honorable release as a result. What a turd!

[Enoch Witty]

I bought Depeche Mode's Music for the Masses on the way home from my mission and listened to it. It was awesome. My SP seriously considered not giving me an honorable release as a result. What a turd!

omg, screw that guy

[RubinHighlander]

Great topic! The music guilt thing was hard to me too growing up. There were so many great songs that caused cogdis because of the lyrics or how dark they sound. Nine Inch Nails, Ministry, so many great industrial bands, punk, alternative rock, grunge...so much of it spoke to my soul, but for the guilt. I'll always regret giving away my Dead Milkmen - Big Lizard in My Backyard album to a friend, because it had too much of the F word on there and I was making an effort to be more TBM in my late 20's.

Now I can listen to "Be Your Own Personal Jesus" or "Psalm 69" with zero guilt and full appreciation!

The other cool thing about escaping the matrix, is that now so many of those TMB cogdis songs have very deep meaning and application for NOMs and XMOs and I think we appreciate them more than the average. I think that is reflected many times over in our Music of NOM play list.