Returning Elder

[Raylan Givens]

An elder returned home to our ward this week. He has been out nine months, I moved in after he left. The Bishop explained he returned home and he would give him few minutes to speak so he doesn't have to talk and explain to everyone privately.

This missionary proceeded to share his testimony? Or what was left of it? That he loved serving people, then proceeded to talk about doubting your doubts and that he is home to work on some things he can't in the field. DW and I looked at each other, as if we could both hear his shelf cracking or groaning. Poor kid.
Luckily his dad is a cool guy and I think he will be fine.

I had a chance to talk to him for a little but today in EQ (only 4 of us today, I usually don't go). I asked him what fun things he has planned, he mentioned looking for a job.

I am thinking of dropping him a note. Telling him to take it easy on himself, that doubting your doubts is hard (just think about your investigators, you wouldn't tell them to do that with their own religion...that is a lot to tackle) and to take some time to unwind and have some fun, then you can back to starting the "fun" process of being an adult.

He looked very forlorn and down trodden. I don't know, I just may wait and see if I see him again, before he wanders into a single ward...

What would you concisely tell someone in his state?

[Newme]

My 1st thought is to reach out to him like your first thought too.
There may be other issues, besides faith crisis that he's facing.
But "doubting your doubts" does sound like his faith in the church is shaken.

Maybe I'd say: "Welcome home. It's good to see you. Most people on a regular basis begin something & then change their mind. You're not the only one. What's most important is acting based on what you think & feel is right, no matter what others say or what external pressure. Find a way to combine logic/thinking & faith/feeling. You need both to find your way through this maze of life. I'm here if you ever want to talk."

[RubinHighlander]

Good on ya for reaching out. Poor kids has a lot of public shaming to grapple with and it's Fd up so many like him have to go through that. I felt so much empathy for those kids I saw coming back early. In the old days (early 80's) it was only the Elders that really screwed up that went home. There were no cases I knew of where someone could not deal with it mentally or spiritually. We had our share of missionaries that clearly were on the edge as far as their TBMness, but they just lived on the edge on their missions and enjoyed the time.

Now it seems there are very few returning for any moral sins, it seem primarily emotional/mental ones and quite a few! I know of several in our stake in the past couple of years. Are the generations now I'll prepared for getting out and knocking on doors? Is it the digital age where they lack social skills? Are they coddled too much from prosperity or the parenting methods? Back in my day there also wasn't much prep when it came to the temple or a mission. It was pretty much throw you in the deep in at the MTC and figure it out from there. It seems there is much more grooming now than ever before, but perhaps the programs are still missing something. I'm sure whatever the reasons are for the early returns, lowering the age limit is not going to help. It would be an interesting study and perhaps one the COB has already researched.

[Raylan Givens]

I do wonder if returning RM's would tell you they weren't ready. Or if they have enough self awareness to know they aren't ready.

I do worry about kids like him. Luckily I think his family will help him out by not making it worse than it could be.

I think the other thing I would want to tell him is to focus in himself for a little bit. On the mission it is all about other people, to the point that some missionaries really affect their own health. Now that he is home, he needs to focus on himself, including having fun and taking it easy for a few weeks.

[Random]

Did you end up seeing him again? Talking to him?

[BriansThoughtMirror]

RubinHighlander-
I think that:
a) they are younger,
b) they are more likely to encounter convincing criticism,
c) mission leadership actually lets kids go home for mental problems, and they didn't used to.

Maybe they are less tough. Maybe the stigma isn't quite so bad as it once was (which is good), though I know it's still bad. Man, I HATE what missions do to kids like this. I made it all the way through mine, but doubting my doubts through it all left me half broken. For some kids it's great, and for some it's super destructive. I am pissed at the lowered age, btw.

OP- Man, I hope you do reach out to him. I didn't talk to anyone about my doubts or depression after I got home. I just sucked it up and went to school, and got strait A's, at least for the first while. It eventually caught up with me. Also, therapy is expensive.