No longer mormons

[Corsair]

I am wondering if your experience with the stake president was somewhat affected by the fact that you and your family attended a Lesbian wedding reception on the Friday before your meeting. You were with a couple of rather Mormon families that had rallied around their Lesbian daughters and produced a respectable celebration. In contrast, your stake president was not willing to extend quite that level of "big tent Mormonism" to you also.

[Korihor]

I am wondering if your experience with the stake president was somewhat affected by the fact that you and your family attended a Lesbian wedding reception on the Friday before your meeting. You were with a couple of rather Mormon families that had rallied around their Lesbian daughters and produced a respectable celebration. In contrast, your stake president was not willing to extend quite that level of "big tent Mormonism" to you also.

In our discussion, I did mention I support gay marriage. Which displeased him. He responded back regarding the Nov policy "It's to protect the youth...."
His Kool-aid dosing is with an I.V. drip tube.

[The Beast]

I am wondering if your experience with the stake president was somewhat affected by the fact that you and your family attended a Lesbian wedding reception on the Friday before your meeting. You were with a couple of rather Mormon families that had rallied around their Lesbian daughters and produced a respectable celebration. In contrast, your stake president was not willing to extend quite that level of "big tent Mormonism" to you also.

In our discussion, I did mention I support gay marriage. Which displeased him. He responded back regarding the Nov policy "It's to protect the youth...."
His Kool-aid dosing is with an I.V. drip tube.

Or a firehose to the face that he's gulping down. Sorry man. Welcome to the Fadeaway club.

[Corsair]

In our discussion, I did mention I support gay marriage. Which displeased him. He responded back regarding the Nov policy "It's to protect the youth...."
His Kool-aid dosing is with an I.V. drip tube.

This drives me crazy. Let's quote directly from Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Howard W. Hunter. This is the official manual of Sunday lessons for Priesthood and Relief Society.

Young Howard Hunter had a non-member father who did not allow him to get baptized. This is Elder Hunter's experience growing up in the church unable to have baptism or priesthood:

Because Howard had not been baptized, he could not be ordained a deacon when he turned 12. “By that time, all my friends had been ordained deacons,” he said. “Because I wasn’t an official member of the Church, I wasn’t able to do many of the things that they did.” Howard was especially disheartened that he could not pass the sacrament: “I sat in sacrament meetings with the other boys. When it was time for them to pass the sacrament, I would slump down in my seat. I felt so left out.”

This is what the November 2015 policy does to children. Yes, Elder Hunter went on to a long, successful life of devotion to the LDS church. But it only occurred after he finally convinced his father to let him be baptized several months after his twelfth birthday. Do we expect that this will be the common experience of children who are denied the normal life events of the LDS church? Would young Howard Hunter have stayed active as a teenager if he had been denied baptism and the priesthood until age 18? He didn't have to disavow his parents as part of this transition either.

[Mormorrisey]

This "all or nothing" approach by your SP drives me absolutely nuts. You either agree with all of it, or none of it. I'm sure personally you're glad that you see things differently, but it's a shame that you've been forced to this position by the SP. My fear is that I will have a similar leader one day, and then I'll be similarly forced out; then what will my familial relationships look like?

Haven't had much opportunity to read these posts lately, so I feel for your situation. It's not easy recognizing that years of your life simply don't mean much anymore. God speed on your journey.

[NewLight]

Hi Korihor,

Sorry you are going through this - I am sure it must be difficult for you and the missus. I’m in your same shoes in a couple of respects. First, neither my wife nor I consider ourselves Mormon any longer. Second, though we do not self-identify as Mormon, our names remain on the records of the LDS Church and we really have no intention of removing them.

Actually, having my name on LDS Church records is my last bastion of membership at this point. People can talk about how to help me and offer their services. Call it a passive aggressive move, but c’est la vie. Besides, the Young Men’s organization did get rid of my huge CRT television on a “clean up day” this way and before then I wondered how I would get the thing out of my basement

I did want to say that after the shock of deciding I was no longer Mormon (in my mind) it did get better. The wife and I joined a post Mormon group we found through Mormon Spectrum ( http://www.mormonspectrum.org/map/ ) and have attended some of the get-togethers and made some nice friends there. We have still remained friends with people in our ward and they have been very nice, though I am sure they just don’t get why we would reject “the truth”.

As this weekend is stake conference, I am counting my blessings that a) I am not getting reamed in some Saturday afternoon “leadership session” about the importance of opposing gay marriage to “support” the brethren (yes, that was said to us ward leaders after gay marriage passed here in Utah on my birthday a few years ago), b) there is no adult session on Saturday night to attend as a “date” with my wife, and c) there is no Sunday session that I have to listen to where clueless people tell me what I must do to be blessed and happy. Truth is, I feel blessed and happy to be out, and I think over time, you will be too.

Good luck as you navigate the transition. I am so glad you and your wife are on the same page as that is a chunk of the battle.

[Korihor]

Thanks NewLight, I really appreciate your message. Gives me some hope back.

[orangganjil]

My family is in a similar boat to you (though we have three kids: two teens and one Primary-aged). Aside from a couple of missionary farewells/homecomings, we've been to church once this year and my wife couldn't make it all the way through. We love our time we spend together on Sundays and we are happy that our children will have the freedom to build their own relationship with God, absent the control of the hierarchy. We want to make God and the teachings of Jesus something credible to them throughout their life. The Church just isn't offering a credible long-term religion at this point. Our kids aren't soldiers in the Church's Culture War so they don't see God as condoning that kind of bigotry.

Anyway, there are many of us "members in name only".

[Jinx]

Good for you! You'll find it's much healthier to stop trying to keep one foot in each camp. Eventually the straddle splits get to be too difficult.

We just dropped off our youngest at a college outside the Morcor. When people saw we were from Utah they invariably asked if we were Mormon. We said no and just let it ride. It is a wonderful feeling. You will love it.

[Wonderment]

What a tough journey, and you have traveled with dignity and integrity. I hope that from now on, each day will be a new beginning, a new opportunity for more you and your wife. Sending many positive thoughts and best wishes to you and your family. - Wndr.

[Grace2Daisy]

So, there is no disciplinary council, no letters of resignation, nothing like that. We just don't consider ourselves mormon anymore. Maybe we can move on...

We met with the bishop, told him we just did not believe all we have been told for decades (I later emailed him a link to each of the essays and asked him to read them). Three months later a HT showed up and asked me if he could come and teach us a lesson (nope), then two months after that two new HTers showed up (9:30 pm during the winter so it was dark), they said they were "inspired" to "drop by" - I never let them in (mainly because we were both in PJs), they asked if they could come in and offer "a word of prayer" to which I said nope.

That was months ago. My point in telling you this story is our names are still on their records, and bishops will come and go and each will feel they have the spirit to "re-activate" us. It will go on and on, regardless of what we tell each new bishop, HPGL, RS. . . . . . new ones will "feel the spirit" to rescue us.

Frustration will eventually lead us to resign, for now we just don't care enough to do anything, but I know it's coming.

[Korihor]

That was months ago. My point in telling you this story is our names are still on their records, and bishops will come and go and each will feel they have the spirit to "re-activate" us. It will go on and on, regardless of what we tell each new bishop, HPGL, RS. . . . . . new ones will "feel the spirit" to rescue us.

Frustration will eventually lead us to resign, for now we just don't care enough to do anything, but I know it's coming.

Man, I wonder if a new local administration will contact us. But it will be a few years before the changing of the guard. The current admin see's us as toxic. A few real friends keep in touch, everyone else stays the hell away.

When you vote opposed....

[Zack Tacorin Dos]

No longer mormons
I guess we're done

Damn, a guy leaves NOM for a little while and the world goes on, changing without him. Sorry you've been a little roughed up by the institution of the Church. I'm so glad you and the wife are able to be there for each other through this.

We met with the SP again today as a follow up to our meeting in May. It was about 2 hours. A lot of words were spoken but nothing was said.

I initially laughed at this, but as I re-read it, I think it speaks to the frustration of trying to reason with representatives of the Church. Maybe that's just me projecting my feelings to your situation.

[2bizE]

I keep reading and rereading this post. In my dreams I am free of Mormonism, and then I wake up and discover it was only a dream. I am still in mormon hell (you know the one with Starbucks coffee cups dancing around).

[SeeNoEvil]

Congrats on this new step for you and Mrs. Korihor. Awesome you are doing this together. To bad the SP had to be such a jerk about it but as you said, he was just doing his job. Things are only going to get better. Freedom has a way of brightening up life! Keep us posted.