Missions and Testimony

[blazerb]

I listened to John Dehlin's interview with Jon Ogden. (You can see it here: http://www.mormonstories.org/jon-ogden/) Ogden was sharing some of his experiences on his mission that led him to question the church's teachings. Dehlin then said, "Man, missionary work is perilous to your testimony."

That hit me. My mission was a horrible experience. I had a president that did not care about us. I had and still have anxiety issues. When I am given rules, I will follow them to the best of my ability. However, there were many missionaries that did not follow the rules. Those given leadership duties were as lax as any of the others. Also, it seemed that everything was about numbers. The spirituality that I was led to believe was the basis of missionary work was replaced with a salesmanship that I found ugly. I won't go into all the gory details, but I was unhealthy physically and mentally.

After my mission, I slid back into the church. Like I said, I follow rules. The church gave me rules, and I stuck with them. I kept my awful mission experiences to myself. One day, I was hanging out with a couple of women in my ward. One was an RM. We talked a little about our missions. At one point, we both shared how mentally difficult a mission is, but it was like we knew we should not go there. The topic was quickly changed to safer ground.

I am sure that I would not have stayed in the church as long as I have if I had spoken openly about my mission. I suspect that many others would have chimed in on their unhappiness. I think missionary work is very perilous to testimonies. If more of us spoke up about the problems, maybe we would realize sooner how abusive the situation can be. I see the huge string of missionaries returning early is the last few years due to mental health issues. I see the church talking about how important it is to accept these missionaries back and not see them as failures. What I don't see is the church taking responsibility for creating an atmosphere that damages these young people.

[Sheamus Moore]

Since the age reduction for missionaries (and corresponding increase in 'shameful' returns) I noticed, at least in our ward/stake, a huge surge in the emphasis on member missionary work, letting the missionaries bring strangers to your home every week to be fellowshipped, boosting the number of missionaries in the area "so you better be prepared", setting ridiculous goals for baptisms at the ward level, (off the chart never ending talk on temple work, family history, name extractions too but that's another topic). What did it all boil down to? Numbers, numbers, numbers even at the general membership level. It's quantity over quality - ad nauseam. So, I can only imagine what it's like for full-time missionaries these days. And if you're not making numbers well, then you must follow the rules more faithfully. You're doing good but... not good enough. It's never enough. It's no wonder some of these kids come home broken spirited.

[wtfluff]

<snip>

After my mission, I slid back into the church. Like I said, I follow rules. The church gave me rules, and I stuck with them. I kept my awful mission experiences to myself. One day, I was hanging out with a couple of women in my ward. One was an RM. We talked a little about our missions. At one point, we both shared how mentally difficult a mission is, but it was like we knew we should not go there. The topic was quickly changed to safer ground.

I am sure that I would not have stayed in the church as long as I have if I had spoken openly about my mission. I suspect that many others would have chimed in on their unhappiness. <snip>

This "not speaking about the bad parts of our missions" is a really weird phenomenon that I could never understand when I was a believer, and I still don't understand. It's like an "unwritten rule" that everyone basically follows. As for myself, I'm pretty sure I even followed that rule in my mission journal, and in all of the letters I wrote. NEVER mentioning anything bad about the mission. Like you mentioned blazer, some of us are really good at following rules, even the unwritten ones.

Anyone have any idea when / how this "unwritten rule" came about? I don't remember anyone blatantly saying out loud "we don't talk about the bad stuff" but then again, we all know how memory works. (Or doesn't...)


Edit: Come to think of it, "the church" doesn't "talk" about the "bad" stuff that has happened in the past, and in fact they do everything in their power to attempt to hide the "bad" parts of their history, or re-write it. So, not discussing the "bad" stuff is inherent in the system. We probably all learned it through osmosis. (Or indoctrination and brainwashing...)

[Corsair]

Some department inside the COB has been compiling data about the activity rates of missionaries leaving their mission early, as well as the activity rates of missionaries after their mission (whether or not a full mission was completed). This would be combined with the undoubtedly sobering data on the activity rates of young people that don't go on missions or don't get a temple sealing. We are not going to see this data, but it would be quite enlightening if we could.

[blazerb]

Some department inside the COB has been compiling data about the activity rates of missionaries leaving their mission early, as well as the activity rates of missionaries after their mission (whether or not a full mission was completed). This would be combined with the undoubtedly sobering data on the activity rates of young people that don't go on missions or don't get a temple sealing. We are not going to see this data, but it would be quite enlightening if we could.

Somebody is probably in trouble over the numbers.

In all seriousness, missions hurt a large fraction of our young people. I would hope that the highest leaders take responsibility for the mess. They could improve the conditions by changing rules like no phoning home. They could make the term of the mission more flexible. They could choose and train mission presidents to be more compassionate.

[BriansThoughtMirror]

I don't think I was ever told not to talk about the bad stuff. I was told to keep a journal of all the positive experiences so I could look back on them later as a sort of "trail of bread crumbs". I was also told to be an example and to promote faith. I think I unconsciously figured, then, that my journal and even what I told others about my mission had better be faith promoting.

Interestingly, my nephew just left on a mission recently. His grandpa told him explicitly that he should only write home the good stuff so they don't scare off his younger brothers from serving. I chuckled and said something to the effect that everyone else was told the same thing before you-think about that, haha! Even the grandpa gave that a little ironic chuckle!

[didyoumythme]

Members are taught to never criticize anything related to church. If a member complains, then they obviously don't have the spirit and foresight to recognize all the blessings! Missionaries go out with a mindset in which poor living conditions and hard experiences are a silent badge of honor. They can feel like they are really earning their reward for serving when things are hard. However, if they speak ill of any of it, then it is akin to "speaking evil of the lords annointed". After all, God told some old dude in an amazing and instant display of revelation where exactly this person should go to "serve"!

Any criticism of the missionary program is viewed as a direct attack on Jesus and the church. Only apostates would do such a thing.

[BriansThoughtMirror]

Any criticism of the missionary program is viewed as a direct attack on Jesus and the church. Only apostates would do such a thing.

Heck, any criticism of ANYTHING is viewed that way.

[Emower]

I had a difficult time as well. My letters home were fairly dark and depressive apparently. My mother had to stop writing to me, she just didn't know what to say. Dad took over so that I would still have word from home. I don't fault mom for not having anything good to say and not saying anything at all. It does underscore the church culture's complete inability to handle non faithful anything.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

I watched the same interview. I enjoyed John O's sincerity, but his descriptions of doing the Joseph Wirthlin McConkie paid meditation sessions creeped me out and I'm glad that Dehlin kept asking him if he could see a movement forming around McConkie's new agey stuff.

[Linked]

My mission broke me for years. One experience in particular really messed me up. I didn't tell anyone the details for years because it seemed like the right thing to do. But in the spirit of this thread, here you go!

I was a barely 20 year old training a barely 19 year old how to be a missionary in Japan. Both Americans, we were super isolated, and he was not prepared for the mission. I thought the answer was to throw ourselves into the work harder; cliche and bad advice in this case. We stopped speaking to each other, and neither of us had anyone to talk to about any of it. After a couple weeks of silence we sat down and had a heart to heart with yelling and tears and the whole nine yards; it actually went really well, but I still felt guilty that we stayed in the apartment for 2 hours more than we were supposed to. In the heart to heart I found out that my companion had been making plans to commit suicide and had already tried to get on the roof the night before. I was not remotely prepared to deal with this.

I ignored it all day, then that night asked him when his alarm was set for; 1:30am, to try to get on the roof again. Maybe he was desperate for someone to care about him. Maybe he had some demons he couldn't shake. Maybe I was just pushing a new missionary too hard and he needed to slow it down a bit. I didn't know, and didn't know what to do. I figured if there was ever a time to get the mission president involved this was it. I called my DL, who used to work in the mission home, to get a number the MP would answer at midnight. He wouldn't give it to me. I begged him, I threatened him, and eventually wore him down and got the MP's cell phone number. I called him and he groggily answered, I whispered the situation to him 10 feet away from my sleeping companion, with only a paper door between us. The MP told me he was on his way and to expect him in the morning. Then I laid awake waiting for his alarm to go off so I could silence it or talk to him. It beeped, he rolled over and I snatched the alarm before he could wake up. Finally I got some sleep.

The next morning we were up at 6:30 and my companion was happy. He seemed to really respond well to our talk. While he was taking a shower the MP called and said they would be there in a few minutes. When they arrived I told my companion and he was hurt and betrayed and said he thought we were turning it around. After an interview with the MP they loaded him up in the car and took him back to the mission home. He got sent home, and I was transferred the next day.

For years I felt like that was a turning point in my life. Prior to that experience I felt like I was a rising star in the mission, life, and eternity. After that it was all I could do to get up in the morning. Even after the mission I felt like a failure. And I can't help but wonder how I could have handled things better; better for me and better for my comp. Should I not have involved the MP? Maybe. How do they expect things like this to go when you put two strangers together in a high pressure situation totally isolated from things they are familiar with? And my comp has probably gone through hell for returning early.

<snip>

Edit: Come to think of it, "the church" doesn't "talk" about the "bad" stuff that has happened in the past, and in fact they do everything in their power to attempt to hide the "bad" parts of their history, or re-write it. So, not discussing the "bad" stuff is inherent in the system. We probably all learned it through osmosis. (Or indoctrination and brainwashing...)

Only the stuff that shows that the church is True is allowed to be spoken of. We must always be a good example for non-members, for inactives, for friends, for kids, for family, for ourselves. Otherwise they may not convert/endure to the end and we have damned them. This attitude came out once when I was at a dinner party as a 24 year old intern in Dallas with an established 40-something coworker. His response to my attitude was a heavy weight on my shelf. He said something like, "Why do you care if you are being a good example? I go to my church because I believe it and I want to be there."

[Spicy McHaggis]

If my son goes on a mission I'm going to remind him in every email that he is:
1- An Adult
and
2- A volunteer. Which means that he can do whatever the hell he wants.

[2bizE]

My mission really was the best two years. Although I certainly taught the Mormon Doctrine to the people, it was an experience about learning how to love people for who they were. I found myself along the way and learned a new language. I do not regret it. I look back and hardly see the church experiences, but remember the people and places. I also developed a strong testimony of the gospel, not knowing anything that I know today. Someday, I would like to do a medical mission to a poor country. Not an lds medical mission but another type.