Letter to Bishop

[The Beast]

Amen to that!

[GoodBoy]

Here is the response from the bishop. I won the leadership roulette.

My brother, [GoodBoy].

I've read and reread your email and have thought much about its content and how to reply. It was a well written letter, one that I know you spend a good amount of time on to say what you really mean.
I hope that I can accurately convey the right message back to you. That's one reason it has taken me so long to reply.

First off, I have to say that I'm saddened by your news. Gotta get that off my chest. I'm sure that doesn't come as a surprise to you either. Obviously the Church and it's beliefs are something that I hold dear. At the same time, I recognize that you also have studied the doctrine and have a history with the Church and its beliefs. As I read your letter, I see that you have spent a significant amount of time and effort in this process to try to sort this out and come to a decision. I believe you didn't take this lightly, for which I am glad. I'm also glad to hear that you continue to take finding the truth to be serious and you remain open to follow whatever God would like you to do. I firmly believe that he guides the footsteps of men. If you seek His help and guidance, He will give it to you.

This decision brings lots of questions with it, some of which you have already answered. I have several other questions for you, most of which are more practical in nature. I know that you had said that the fewer people that know of your resignation, the better. We may want to discuss who those few people might be. There will be many that will want to know but certainly others that will need to know. I know having your explanation before I received the official letter from the Church Office Building was critical. You and I both may want the correct information out there instead of leaving people to wonder if you committed some heinous crime like becoming a democrat or helping a robber pull their car out of an irrigation ditch.
I wonder if we might find a time to sit down with you and [my wife] to discuss some of these questions and how we might answer them. Yes?

Maybe most importantly of all, you need to know that I don't see you as any less of a person or any less of a friend because of this decision. We do have a long relationship--a very good relationship--that seemed destined to happen when we both moved here around the same time. Since then, we have sat together at meetings and broken bread many times at each others houses. We have camped together, worked together, played games together, served others together, and even shaken our heads at the dumb things our kids have done together. I cherish those memories and expect that I always will. This doesn't change any of that. And I hope and expect that there will yet be many good times with you and your family together with me and my family.

Respectfully,
[Bishop first name]

[GoodBoy]

Here is my response:

[Bishop first name],

I realize that I probably underestimated the impact that this news would have on you and I'm sincerely sorry for that.

I'm happy to talk with you. I'm sure that you have a lot of questions. So here are some answers to some more questions that I would ask if I was you. What did I miss?

Did you stop paying tithing immediately?
We began paying our tithing to local charities and to family members who were in need. We still do it this way. It makes us really feel good to pay tithing this way and we believe that it is in keeping with the scriptures to give money to the Lord by giving to "one of the least of these my brethren". I believe that the church's lack of financial transparency is not in keeping with the scriptures.

How did you justify attending [Daughter1] and [Daughter2]'s wedding, and baptizing your kids.
I thought about this a ton. I obviously don't believe that God cares, and I thought that it would be worse for everybody if we had a show-down that ended with my kids feeling torn between the church and me. It would hurt them and create a huge scene that was unnecessary. I bear the church no ill will. I was not learning any new secrets or damaging the church in any way by attending. I thought that the damage to my kids, our relationships, and to the church would be worse if I didn't go. I interpreted the temple recommend questions to mean something that I could answer with good conscience and believe I did the kind and moral thing by loving and serving my children and preventing pain and drama. [Son] baptized Molly. I confirmed her. If you feel that that needs redone, then go ahead and do it, but just don't tell me because it will probably hurt my feelings.

Do you break the word of wisdom now?
I have tried a wide variety of things out of curiosity, but none of them are good. I honestly don't know why people drink that stuff. Beer is incredibly bitter and just nasty, wine is like fruity turpentine, and hard liquor is just straight up turpentine. Why do people drink it? I have never been inebriated, and I will not be drinking alcohol on a regular basis. I do drink coffee occasionally for it's medicinal properties (caffeine) mainly to keep me awake while driving, but it isn't good either. It tastes like burnt beans. There is a reason people have to put cream and sugar in it... to make it slightly palatable.

Do I believe in God?
I don't know. I don't believe God cares about religious adherence. If so, I'm sad and dismayed that God refuses to make things clear to all of the confused inhabitants of this planet. Mormons are 1/10th of 1% of the world's population. Can God not make it clear, or doesn't he care about the other 99.9% of his children?

What about Jesus?
I don't know either. I currently think that Jesus = Mohammad, but that may change as I gather new information.

Do you think you are happier now?
I am happier because I don't feel guilty trying to be perfect. I can be myself. I'm now OK with having faults. I'm OK with [wife] and my kids having faults. I am much less judgmental of others and accept myself and others for who they are. That improves my relationships a lot, especially with [wife]. However, to be honest, I am about as happy as I was before, which is relatively happy and content. I am trying to figure out who I want to be and what I want to do with the rest of my life. I've lost my previous road map.

How is your relationship with [wife]?
Pretty good actually. It went through a bit of a rough patch when I first told [wife]. She upped her happy-pill dosage for a while. But she decided that her eternal marriage and family probably wasn't at stake (or God is not very kind) and since then we get along pretty well actually. Maybe better than we ever have just because we stopped trying to change each other.

What about [wife]'s beliefs?
[Wife] didn't want me to resign, but is otherwise supportive. She can answer for herself about her own faith. I support her in whatever she wants to do.

What about family prayer and FHE?
We still do those things. I fully support these but admit that [wife] is the main driver, and always has been. I am less enthusiastic about scripture study before night prayers, so we often read other inspiring quotes or things instead.

Do you wear garments?
Yes actually. Just because I'm too cheap to go replace all of my underwear when I have a drawer full of perfectly functioning underwear. I have purchased some replacements from gentile sources. It is weird to wear them, but some of them are pretty comfortable. I obviously won't have access to purchase replacements in the future. I will replace all of them immediately if it bothers people who like to think about what underwear I'm sporting .

Do I want to keep a calling and serve in the church?
I thought I would like to continue with scouting for a while, but since the church is dropping scouting if I did that I would probably do it in a non-LDS troop. I am happy to continue to help people move and do other service projects. But otherwise, I probably want to focus service efforts onto foreign graduate students, whom I believe I can have a large positive affect on.

Do you feel the spirit?
Yes. I still do. I feel it singing church hymns. I feel it in the Mosque. I feel it listening to the quoran chanted. I feel it watching sunsets. I feel it when I pray or meditate. I talk to other religious adherents who also feel the spirit strongly associated with their belief systems. I now interpret these feelings differently. I still enjoy singing hymns because it feels good.

Do you still pray and read scriptures?
I pray, but not as often because I'm not sure anyone is listening. I pray and/or meditate because it helps me calm down and organize my thoughts. I don't read scriptures. When I do I see humanness in them and it hurt my faith more than helped. They are still remarkable books and I have benefited from studying them. I just want to move onto new books and studies.

Did you read anti-Mormon literature? What happened?
The internet happened. There is access to lots more historical information and thoughts now. I tried to be fair and balanced. I don't believe that truth can be found by only accepting information and ideas that support a pre-existing belief while strictly avoiding and discarding all information and ideas that challenge that pre-existing belief. You stated that you hold your faith dear. I respect you.

Will you join another religion?
No. I currently think that all religions are the same and that there is no one true one. People are likely associated with a particular religion because it helps their social life function properly. So if I was to attend a church for social reasons, then I will attend the LDS church since it is my language and culture.

What do you believe is right and moral now?
I believe that hurting people is wrong, and helping people is good. I'm not really sure besides that.

Did resigning have the effect that you hoped?
It was a shock to see that I was excluded from lds.org. This is my culture, it is who I was. However, this was a festering wound that wouldn't heal. I couldn't leave it alone. I stressed about it constantly. Resigning ripped the bandaid off and I already feel much better about myself. We'll see what the social implications are. I may regret it because of that. But for myself, I feel more at peace.

Will you fight against the church in the future?
I plan to leave it alone. I will probably try to avoid the topics of religion and politics.

Can I tell people?
People will judge me negatively when they find out. They will believe I am guilty of some sin, or that I am just dumb and can't see things properly, or that I just wasn't as dedicated, good, or faithful as they themselves are. They will move me from their in-group (good guys) to their out-group (bad guys). I worry that it will affect how they treat [wife] or my children (Pity? Additional pressure to increase their faith? Worry that they will contaminate their own children with poisonous ideas?). I would like to avoid that if at all possible. I also think that if people learn of my disaffection it may make them question their own faith. However, people will find out eventually and I am at peace with that and I considered those consequences before I resigned. I realize that once one person knows, pretty much everybody will know. That is probably unavoidable as much as I wish that it was. So I leave it to your own discretion, and give you permission to tell whomever you feel you need to. I trust your judgement. Thank you for being so considerate and kind thus far. I expected that people would know when I went to church last Sunday.

Love you brother.
[GoodBoy]

[Corsair]

Here is my response:
<snip>

That's a good set of responses.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

This is great. It is a good example of being cool and rational and not playing into the rhetoric that people who leave are angry and bitter. So tempting to go that route but it only confirms their narrative.

[Anon70]

Loved your response. I kept a copy for my DH as it is almost exactly how I think and feel and where I hope to be someday (out).

[Red Ryder]

Great manifesto. Simple but elegant.

[MalcolmVillager]

Good Boy, thanks for sharing all this with us. I know that it was all very personal and private. Watching others and projecting my life into their's (where alplicable) has eloped me avoid some major miatakes.

You have handled this like a champ and I am so happy for how it has turned out to this point. I wish you nothing but continued smooth sailing.