Meilingkie's Return and report

[Meilingkie]

Hello all,

It’s been a very turbulent few months with lots of things happening, done and finished.
TL:DR I resigned from the Church after Mormonleaks published about the financial scandal in my stake.
I started attending a normal church, and DW agrees.
Family-members, friend and co-workers see a marked change in my persona.

Well, let’s pick up where I left off in May this year.
I attended a church for the first time where a lovely co-worker of mine attended.
I felt the need to go, and I felt relieved, found a Church where I could be myself, with lots of freedom and zero strings attached.
No suit, no white shirts, no interviews, no callings, and good thorough teaching.
No hymns, but songs of praise.
And yes, the co-worker is still a part of my life, but also of our family’s life.
I don’t talk with her often, but my DW does, sometimes for hours.
DW has found a true friend, one she never had in the Church.
We have dinner-dates with our families about once every month now.
DW never invited people over who weren’t family, now it’s regular with them, and another couple.

With that out of the way, well I stopped regularly attending in June, and have only been in once since, to clean with DW.
I can’t leave her doing that all alone, can I?

It was initially hard on DW, seeing me go to another church.
The results however for her outweigh the pain she felt of being alone.
No more was I sliding into depression every Thursday, dreading the Sundays and becoming ever more morose as each day passed.
No more was I calling people, and being called by others who were also very upset, dissatisfied, or otherwise grumbling about the Church on Sunday-evening and Mondays.
No more Getting out of the dip on Tuesday-morning, before sliding down again on Thursday.
No more almost mandatory sleep after services because they physically and emotionally drained me, ruining our Sundays together.

So after grumbling tolerance in June, via acceptance in August, we reached the stage in late September where DW said: I want you to never visit the LDS-Church again, because it hurts you.
And in doing so it hurts us. Please go to that little Foursquare-church, because it works wonders for you and for us.

Then came conference-weekend, and Mormonleaks published about the financial scandal.
All of a sudden people came out of the woodwork telling one another: I knew, but I kept silent.
The former Utrecht bishop was vilified, emails, apps, notes of FB, people visiting him at home calling for blood.
But until then I hadn’t heard a thing about my absence.
And then, the Monday after conference my phone rang, I was at the office.
I looked at the phone and recognized the face, it was Elder Boom of the 70.
What The Fetch !
I was incensed, no-one had called me, no EQP, no Bishop, no-one from the Stake-presidency, no HT’s, nothing, only 2 friends did since May.
Something breaks in the news, and all of a sudden an Athoritah (sic) calls me, to talk about the scandal!
He told me that Mormonleaks was false, the figures grossly exaggerated, and that the stakeleaders and he himself had told me the truth in July 2016.
Bollocks I tell you guys, the next Sunday the disgraced former bishop attended his former ward, and the Stakepresidency bloody lied at the stand, telling members it was a loan.
Telling them the amount was much lower than Mormonleaks told.
Well, the Stake-clerk called me privately, and said the total amount is almost double what Mormonleaks published…….
So once again, leaders straight-up lied to my face, and to many others.
For me it was the last straw, I sent in my resignation the next Thursday. October 12th 2017

I can’t stomach the lies anymore, can’t stomach the double-crossing.
They are an insult to my integrity, and my intellect.
So I quit, and I can tell you, it feels great.
DW knows, but keeps silent, the in-laws know, but only talk behind our backs, as does the ward.
DW went in and talked to the bishop telling him it has to stop, we are no project.
Raising the Titanic would be easier to accomplish, care for the living, not the dead.
And she told him in no uncertain terms she’s done as well, and maybe even angrier than I ever was with the Church.
But it’s her tribe, and she attends when she feels like it, and not anymore as a standard church-ornament every Sunday.
Same goes for the kids.

My DS had his interview to become an Elder and to probe him about his mission.
DS said: I have no testimony yet and I am not going to testify of things I am not sure about.
BP told him to testify, because the bearing of a testimony produces a testimony within the bearer.
DS flatly rebutted him: The 7th commandment is thou shalt not bear false witness, what about that bishop?
The interview concluded almost immediately.

DD+DW attended a luncheon my church organized last Saturday:
On old chairs, with armrests, and DW said: they aren’t cheapskates here, they afford themselves armrests. Old chairs maybe, but that can be remedied with a new cover.
DD had had a run-in with RSP a few weeks ago I wasn’t aware of. She had taken a carton of juice and a cake from the stores.
And had found they were spoiled for 2 years, nevertheless she was called to the carpet for it.
At the luncheon there was something else, fresh food, fresh drinks, all bought that same morning. High quality, and DD said: That figures, when a church doesn’t need to build malls you can take care of the people.
Then DD talked about the most recent real-estate developments DW and I weren’t even aware of.... DD is quite the little apostate.

This is my report.

[hmb]

Wow. Thank you. I'm so happy for you, and so sorry for all you had to endure. I don't say much here on NOM, but I really enjoy following your posts. You and your family make me feel welcome and comfortable. That says a lot as I have awful anxiety in social situations. It's a rare thing when I feel I could talk face to face with people and not stress. I am stoked for your future as a happy and relaxed person, living day to day as you like. Helping and serving as you like. What a great example.

[No Tof]

Thanks for checking in.
Always nice to know our comrades are doing well.

DW and I had a lovely time cycling around Holland this summer and thought of you a few times.

Wishing you the best in the future.

[Zack Tacorin Dos]

Meilingkie,

I'm so glad to hear from you, especially with all the good news to report. I'm so glad the anger is gone. Even if some anger comes back from time to time, it's not that same consuming monster that can overwhelm when trying to break free from the corporation.

Your new Church sounds wonderful, especially considering that your wife has been there, enjoyed it, and seems to have a deep connection with your friend there. I wonder if the LDS Church (leaders anyway) have any inkling of what they have lost in you. If you're even half the personality in real life that you are here at NOM (and I suspect you're even better in person), your a treasure that slipped through their fingers because they clung too tightly. But now a happier and more free Meilingkie roams Holland sharing his joy more freely than he was allowed in that controlling little tribe he used to belong to. Where will you go? I don't know the specifics, but I'm sure you'll go to many wonderful places. Enjoy. You've earned it.

Thanks for sharing my friend,
Zack

[Silver Girl]

Meilingkie -

Thanks so much for the thoughtful and detailed update! I know the relief you feel at having resigned. Been there; done that; more than two years of peace here.

I love the journey you described with your new church, and I am especially happy that DW is on board and has found her own way to still be part of the tribe without letting the tribe rule her. Your kids sound amazing - I laughed at DD's response during the interview! Good for him!

We miss you, but I do understand the need for a break at times. I find the new NOM site to pull my strings less often, and that feels good. I hated the break between the old and new sites, but i think it was good for me. The tone here is one of a support group of friends with periodic news and updates on the church, but lots of love. I need to get away from Reddit - that feeds into my anger, and I am aware that there will be no end to the things that infuriate me about the church. The information keeps coming and coming.

I hope you drop by now and then to say hi, if you're up for it. Thank you so much for posting the above updates!

Hugs from Silver Girl!

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

I can understand being gone from the site Meilingkie. You need to do what is best for your own mental health and for the family. You are definitely missed, and it was good to hear your report.

-lost

[Red Ryder]

That's awesome you've found your way to the other side and even chairs with an armrest! Bonus!

Give your wife a nice long hug from all of us!

[Corsair]

Congratulations on finding something new, Meilingkie. I think that leaving NOM and the apostate world for better activities is healthy for just about everyone. There is no official or recommended time frame for this, but it's reassuring to see people make a graceful exit from NOM and other sites. Reddit.com/r/exmormon has these kinds of exit postings once in a while and they get very supportive send-offs.

[Korihor]

Congrats Meilingkie for your newfound status. And thank you for the lovely farewell message and update.

Godspeed in your new adventure.

I think my final post is nearing.

[SeeNoEvil]

Thank you for dropping by one more time to share the good news. I feel the peace in your words and and happy for you and your family. The porch light will always be on here and I hope from time to time you'll return and report. Where will you go? The sky is the limit! You are so much more without the church!

[Wonderment]

Thank you so much for checking in and for reporting everything that happened ! How unfortunate that they lied so badly about that financial scandal.
But, I am glad that you and your family are out and that your peace of mind is improving. You don't have to deal with so much stress and tension anymore.
Thanks again, and best wishes, from Wndr.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

My DS had his interview to become an Elder and to probe him about his mission.
DS said: I have no testimony yet and I am not going to testify of things I am not sure about.
BP told him to testify, because the bearing of a testimony produces a testimony within the bearer.
DS flatly rebutted him: The 7th commandment is thou shalt not bear false witness, what about that bishop?
The interview concluded almost immediately.

What a brilliant response!!
Congratulations on your journey Meilingkie, thanks for visiting us again.

[Mormorrisey]

Thanks a bunch for chiming in on what's happened to you the last year; we've missed you, and I for one don't take it personally that you needed a break. Given all you've told us, it's not surprising. So glad to hear you're doing well. Good luck moving forward, and don't be shy to pop in here now and again, your perspective was always a great read.

[Linked]

Thanks for checking in, it is great to hear from you! I hope your next chapter is a good one. I enjoyed looking through the documents from the money scandal you told us about previously.

[Meilingkie]

I have no clue as to whom leaked those.
Do know they are original, I got to see the original mails the evening it broke.
My best friend sent them to me to cross-check.
The mails are original, the financial reports were new to us.

The leak caused a veritable shitstorm here.

[Meilingkie]

I need to get away from Reddit - that feeds into my anger, and I am aware that there will be no end to the things that infuriate me about the church. The information keeps coming and coming.

I hope you drop by now and then to say hi, if you're up for it. Thank you so much for posting the above updates!

Hugs from Silver Girl!

Love you lady, The Church is the "fount of vicarious shame" that keeps on giving.

[Linked]

I have no clue as to whom leaked those.
Do know they are original, I got to see the original mails the evening it broke.
My best friend sent them to me to cross-check.
The mails are original, the financial reports were new to us.

The leak caused a veritable shitstorm here.

I didn't mean to say you were the leaker, but I did assume it was the same thing you had been sharing previously.

Was there a shake down on the membership?

[Meilingkie]

I am at quite the distance, some exmormons contacted me.
They thought the same, but there are in my estimation at 40 people who knew in this stake alone.
And once mails get sent around in BCC, anyone could have leaked it.

[Hagoth]

Thanks so much for the update, Meilingkie. It's great to hear from you.

[moksha]

Well, the Stake-clerk called me privately, and said the total amount is almost double what Mormonleaks published…….
So once again, leaders straight-up lied to my face, and to many others.

Wish the clerk could speak to Mormonleaks. It would be beneficial for the Church to rely on honesty as being the best policy. If Mormonleaks could help cement that policy then more power to them.

Glad to hear you are doing so well. Positive input leads to a better output as all the mentally healthy computers say.