Young women dating

[Advocate]

So my wife heard from the young women's president today that one of the young women in the ward has a girlfriend. Names were not shared, but we're pretty sure the young woman is a Laurel from a very strong family and that the girlfriend is a non-member that attends weekly with this family.

We live in a small city in the Midwest so there aren't many homosexuals around and we haven't had to face this issue at church before.

We have a miamaid young women so we are interested to see how this is handled and whether the other girls are aware of the situation. Wife is pretty open-minded about the gay issue, but not as much as me. I plan to talk to my daughter to see what she knows and then give her my view on the issue. I don't want her hearing only the official church line on this issue.

Interesting times ahead for sure. Any advice on what to say to my daughter is appreciated.

[RubinHighlander]

I didn't find out about my daughter being gay until after she had left the church and went to college out of state. I heard about it from her older sister. It did explain a lot of the awkwardness she had with boys and the church when she was at home and going to high school. I know she was afraid to tell me about it because I was TBM at that time, so I appreciated my older daughter letting me know about it so I could prepare to open the discussion. I was already pretty liberal in my views. The topic came up in conversation with my daughter when the gay marriage initiative hit in Utah.

When she asked me where I stood on that issue I told her that if my Bishop asked me to go and protest against the gays or vote for a bill or initiative that went against them, I'd refuse. I told her that I didn't understand what it was like or about to be gay, so I wouldn't march in gay parades for their cause, but I'd never vote for anything that would try to limit their rights or harm them. I told her I did not agree with the Church's position on the matter. She was relieved to hear that. Just a year later I got to meet my daughter's partner and hang out with them; I was so happy to see her so happy in a loving relationship. I empathized with her that it must have been so difficult growing up in the church like that with those feelings.

So I'm not sure what to tell you to tell your daughter. I guess I would start with hearing and understanding her feelings on the matter, then express yours. I think if you are honest and open with her in a loving way, that will go a lot further than anything else and she will hopefully respect and appreciate that.

[Jeffret]

I'd say that even in a small Midwest city, there's a pretty good chance a Mia Maid young woman is aware of gays and lesbians. And a decent chance she knows what's going on with her friends and acquaintances. It's hard to be as naive as I was long ago when I was that age. It is still possible to be as outside the loop on the rumor mill as I manage to be, though. She may not know about the specific situation, though I'd say there's a pretty good chance she does.

I believe it's a very good idea to open a discussion with your daughter related to the topic. It's quite possible you may learn something from it, as I have from my kids on these and many related topics.

[Reuben]

IMO, if there's only one thing you communicate, it should be this: sexual orientation has little to do with who you want to have sex with. It's much more about who you can fall in love with.

Beyond keeping that in mind, my go-to technique for reasoning about these issues is substitution. (As someone who scores 0 on the Kinsey scale - i.e. "flaming heterosexual" - reasoning is the best I can do, because intuition fails me.) For example, I imagine being told that my marriage is counterfeit, and that if I divorce, repent of my heterosexual behavior, and stay single or marry another man, I'll go to the Celestial Kingdom and God will fix me so I'll have the proper feelings toward my husband.

Substitution provides amazing clarity.

[moksha]

The ancients had some good reasoning to apply to situations that are uncommon. Of course, we all know that ancient reasoning as the Golden Rule, but that rule has been given other names many of which are lost in history due to predating the Jewish faith. Wish the Church I hold membership to would follow that rule more. They have a bad track record of following the Golden Rule when it comes to topics like same-sex attraction, homosexuality, and not following the herd. Thank goodness most of its younger members are more tolerant than old timers.

Anyway, that young woman in question apparently has similar tastes to the Senatorial Candidate from Alabama, except it seems much less weird for her to seek out another Laurel age woman.

[Jeffret]

Anyway, that young woman in question apparently has similar tastes to the Senatorial Candidate from Alabama, except it seems much less weird for her to seek out another Laurel age woman.

Much less weird. Besides, there are all those issues of consent and power differentials and maturity. At Laurel age she's a little old for his interests.

Presumably, the Laurel age young woman is dating a young woman of about the same age. They've got similar development levels. Likely they're fully consenting even if their parents aren't wholly enthusiastic