one catholic, one TBM and a couple of apostates went into a bar.....

[No Tof]

I know you are hoping for a new take on the old bar joke but its actually what happened to me last Friday night.

My TBM DW and I went to a staff party in a nearby city and afterwards met my cousin for a night cap at a bar. Her lapsed Catholic DH and I had beers and she had a Diet Coke and my wife had a peppermint tea. It was a nice visit which lasted about two hours. I imagine for most of the world this would be a normal thing. For me, however it was a first. To share an evening comfortably with DW which included beer and moreover to happen in a bar was astonishing.

We have had meals before which included wine or beer but never in our home and never at a bar. For some reason home is a big trigger for alcohol and the bar setting has always been seen by DW as somehow bad. (although not as bad as letting it into the sanctity of our home)

I am interested to learn more about how it works in your lives. Lifestyle changes; how is it working, are some things comfortable and others "lines in the sand", and is the physical location a factor?

just curious.

[alas]

My TBM husband was willing to go garmentless and experiment with mixed drinks on a vacation to Hawaii, but never closer to home. Me, I am indifferent to drinking anyway, so no difference between places or whatever. I just have no interest in drinking, but I found it interesting that DH was willing to try a few drinks far from home where no one knew us, but is very strict around people he knows. But he had no problem buying rum for my Christmas candy, without worrying who he ran into at the military store where anyone he works with could have shown up.

[GoodBoy]

My TBM husband was willing to go garmentless and experiment with mixed drinks on a vacation to Hawaii, but never closer to home. Me, I am indifferent to drinking anyway, so no difference between places or whatever. I just have no interest in drinking, but I found it interesting that DH was willing to try a few drinks far from home where no one knew us, but is very strict around people he knows. But he had no problem buying rum for my Christmas candy, without worrying who he ran into at the military store where anyone he works with could have shown up.

This kind of behavior is so common, even in myself. I behave one way around my Mormon friends and another way around my apostate friends. My Muslim students won't eat pork around each other, but if it is just me with them, they are fine. They judge each other for not doing their prayers, but never bother to if they are traveling with me.

This tells me that very little of religious practices have anything to do with actual deeply held beliefs. I have a theory that the more people really want to do something, but can't, the more they are judgy towards those that feel free to do those things.

[alas]

My TBM husband was willing to go garmentless and experiment with mixed drinks on a vacation to Hawaii, but never closer to home. Me, I am indifferent to drinking anyway, so no difference between places or whatever. I just have no interest in drinking, but I found it interesting that DH was willing to try a few drinks far from home where no one knew us, but is very strict around people he knows. But he had no problem buying rum for my Christmas candy, without worrying who he ran into at the military store where anyone he works with could have shown up.

This kind of behavior is so common, even in myself. I behave one way around my Mormon friends and another way around my apostate friends. My Muslim students won't eat pork around each other, but if it is just me with them, they are fine. They judge each other for not doing their prayers, but never bother to if they are traveling with me.

This tells me that very little of religious practices have anything to do with actual deeply held beliefs. I have a theory that the more people really want to do something, but can't, the more they are judgy towards those that feel free to do those things.

Your theory is supported by psychology, even back to Freud. It is the same as homophobes are those with repressed homo feelings. Women who are suffering from the heat in their garments are the most critical of women who are in tank tops. Why women work so hard to enforce gender roles.

Sometimes, if the person allows themselves to try the forbidden, they react by saying "humph, no big deal. I can live without this." And then they are less judgemental of others, because it is no longer forbidden, because they made a choice not to want the thing. Not wanting the thing makes them less judgemental of others.

Or they react with, "Hey, this is good!" Then they feel shame because the thing is forbidden, which starts them into an emotionally addictive shame cycle. Use thing, feel shame, feel bad about self, desire thing, use thing feel shame. Then they become more judgemental of others who do indulge in the thing, but occasionally or addictivly use said thing.

[Just This Guy]

Several bars in my area are known for very good sandwiches. One is known for gourmet burgers. That helped me get used to the idea of going to a bar. DW and I would go to get food. Sometime we would get wine or beer, sometimes not.

[GoodBoy]

Your theory is supported by psychology, even back to Freud. It is the same as homophobes are those with repressed homo feelings. Women who are suffering from the heat in their garments are the most critical of women who are in tank tops. Why women work so hard to enforce gender roles.

Sometimes, if the person allows themselves to try the forbidden, they react by saying "humph, no big deal. I can live without this." And then they are less judgemental of others, because it is no longer forbidden, because they made a choice not to want the thing. Not wanting the thing makes them less judgemental of others.

Or they react with, "Hey, this is good!" Then they feel shame because the thing is forbidden, which starts them into an emotionally addictive shame cycle. Use thing, feel shame, feel bad about self, desire thing, use thing feel shame. Then they become more judgemental of others who do indulge in the thing, but occasionally or addictivly use said thing.

I don't want to get political here, but I have noticed a lot more headlines dealing with sexual scandals on Fox News than I do on CNN. I'm sure it is because they get more clicks there.

[DPRoberts]

So, for those who were expecting a joke

Why do you always take two Mormons with you when you go fishing?

If you take only one he will drink all your beer!

[SunbeltRed]

Over the last couple of years as I have transitioned away from Mormonism I have really gotten into whiskey (I have a lot of bottles at the moment). I drink some every day - though I usually don't drink enough to even get buzzed. I love the taste of it.

I also order a beer or something almost any time we go out to eat. DW has started drinking more wine lately.

I gotta say, I love being able to go out with people and have a beer, it just feels so god damned normal. And I don't know how to explain this other than there's something about drinking a beer with someone, some bonding thing that happens that I missed out on for so many years as a Mormon. I don't know how to explain it further than that, there's just something wonderfully human in drinking alcohol with another person.

[No Tof]

So, for those who were expecting a joke

Why do you always take two Mormons with you when you go fishing?

If you take only one he will drink all your beer!

Thanks for the laugh DP......

I see some are making changes and some aren't comfortable writing about it yet. That's cool. It doesn't have to be drinking booze. There are many things we seem to find that we felt were taboo before that now seem ok.

I met a couple who thought it was hilarious to call each other by their sacred names...... I can't do that one.

Most of us take a long time to feel comfortable doing what our neighbours have been doing for their whole lives. It's kind of weird but guess it's our weird.

I saw in someones FB post to remember the savior; that he is the reason for the season. I am all for having fun and following the traditions of our christian culture but mentally I enjoy the myth story and let it go as that. I wouldn't run around telling little kids Santa isn't real either so I enjoy the music.