2 Hour Church Rumor #4976

[Red Ryder]

I heard yesterday from a friend of a friend, who's mother in law knows a GA in the Sunday school presidency, who golfs with the husband of Elder Bednar's former baby sitter. The former baby sitter was in town for a scrap book convention and decided to stop by the Bednar's home. The Bednar's were away traveling to a Stake Conference but their undocumented house maid recognized the former baby sitter and let her in.

She followed the maid around the house watching her dust all of the little David Bednar statues scattered throughout the house. In Elder Bednar's home office she saw a draft of the new 2 hour church schedule and a few other hand written side notes in the margins.

1. Teach members to keep the sabbath day holy; January through April 2018.

2. Make SM, SS, and RS/EQP meetings 40 minutes each. That's only 120 minutes or 2 hours. Building operating costs to decrease by 5% year over year. Note to self, will Apostles receive stipend increase??

3. Keep interviewing children. No change to current procedures.

4. Excommunicate 6 dissidents in September. Four have already been identified. (Bill Reel, Consiglieri, Sam Young, and that dude that didn't stand when I entered the room.)

[græy]

I heard yesterday from a friend of a friend, who's mother in law knows a GA in the Sunday school presidency, who golfs with the husband of Elder Bednar's former baby sitter.... The former baby sitter was in town for a scrap book convention

...watching her dust all of the little David Bednar statues scattered throughout the house.
...Note to self, will Apostles receive stipend increase??
...3. Keep interviewing children. No change to current procedures.
...4. Excommunicate 6 dissidents in September. Four have already been identified. (Bill Reel, Consiglieri, Sam Young, and that dude that didn't stand when I entered the room.)

So much gold!

[2bizE]

I have family in Arkansas, so I think I may know the babysitter. I will Facebook her...

[StarbucksMom]

4. Excommunicate 6 dissidents in September.(that dude that didn't stand when I entered the room.)

He'll be the 1st to go.

[slavereeno]

2. Make SM, SS, and RS/EQP meetings 40 minutes each. That's only 120 minutes or 2 hours. Building operating costs to decrease by 5% year over year. Note to self, will Apostles receive stipend increase??

Now I have a tiny little spark of hope for this that I can't stomp out with the logic in my head that knows this really will never ever happen. I'll be sitting there on Sunday in minute 160 of church, day dreaming about this...

[blazerb]

4. Excommunicate 6 dissidents in September. Four have already been identified. (Bill Reel, Consiglieri, Sam Young, and that dude that didn't stand when I entered the room.)

What about the girls that stood up when he didn't?

[StarbucksMom]

You're right Blazer! Starting with his wife! Adios Sis Bednar.

[CaptainSalty]

Wow! This explains all the Salt Lake City IP addresses that keep appearing in the web server logs!