/r/exmormon and NOM.net

[notforprophet]

Hey Guys,

So I haven't been here long, obviously, but I love this space and I feel like it's a much better place for those transitioning than the more angry exmormon subreddit.

So I've been PMing people, inviting them to come over to NOM.net. I guess I was expecting at least one person to come check it out, and send a message back saying "Cool, looks like a great place, thanks." I don't need the thanks, I'd just like some confirmation that people are coming over to check it out, so that I know to keep doing it.

So I was about to create an entire post about NOM.net, just letting anyone that isn't aware of it know about it. But then it occurred to me that I have never seen any such posts there yet. So I wondered if this forum likes to stay a little bit isolated from the exmo sub.

Just wondering what your thoughts are. As a new member to the community I didn't want to assume anything. Just looking to offer outreach to people starting their transition.

Thanks!

[CaptainSalty]

Just wondering what your thoughts are. As a new member to the community I didn't want to assume anything. Just looking to offer outreach to people starting their transition.

We appreciate your efforts. If the forums were populated only with a few posts from a handful of my real life friends it would not be a very interesting place.

I have seen a number of new logins created over the past month and it has been more than the usual. Click on "Quick Links" on the top left, select "Members", then click on the "Joined" column to sort by the most recent new logins.

The administrator staff of NOM.net is rather small, so getting to the approval of new logins might take a day. I assure you that if we removed the manual review, we would be filled with Russian spammers advertising "male enhancement drugs" and poorly formatted pornography. I need to add in an email address for new users to ping me and get their login expedited. I'm happy to do so, but I usually have to wade through a dozen account creation requests that are barely disguising their interest in selling scam investments, offers for hallucinogens, and weird domains from Eastern Europe.

[Linked]

So I've been PMing people, inviting them to come over to NOM.net. I guess I was expecting at least one person to come check it out, and send a message back saying "Cool, looks like a great place, thanks." I don't need the thanks, I'd just like some confirmation that people are coming over to check it out, so that I know to keep doing it.

I will usually pub NOM in a post on /r/exmormon if their post indicates they would like it here. I haven't seen anyone mention it otherwise. I don't think we are avoiding adding people, this is just a different experience than /r/exmormon that apparently has less appeal to the masses.

The administrator staff of NOM.net is rather small, so getting to the approval of new logins might take a day. I assure you that if we removed the manual review, we would be filled with Russian spammers advertising "male enhancement drugs" and poorly formatted pornography. I need to add in an email address for new users to ping me and get their login expedited. I'm happy to do so, but I usually have to wade through a dozen account creation requests that are barely disguising their interest in selling scam investments, offers for hallucinogens, and weird domains from Eastern Europe.

CaptainSalty, wading through seedy spam so we don't have to. Doing God's work.

Thanks!!!

[Mormorrisey]

Ahh, I miss the Russian spammers. They always had, um, interesting posts.

I echo Linked's comments on Captain Salty et al for the great work ya'll do. Don't know what we'd do without the work that goes behind the scenes.

Helping grow the NOM ward is a great idea, though. One day Ill be able to tell the story of how I recognized the worth of a soul and brought them unto NOM. We both need to be careful for now, but it's a great story.

[Red Ryder]

I think inviting people is a great idea although generally speaking, there's an inherent problem with the "New Order Mormon" label that might turn off reddit participants.

We have an identity crisis of sorts. What it means to be New Order Mormon has evolved over time but many people think we are still middle way Mormons. Some of us may be, while others like myself find that the middle way doesn't exist for very long or even at all.

Here's how I see the evolution.

NOM - cafeteria Mormons; chooses to believe some of it: disregards some of it. Board exists to discuss the middle way. Circa 10 years ago.

NOM - stepping stone or rest stop for disaffected Mormons on their way out. Board exists for those trying to take it slow while they get their balance. Circa 5 years ago.

NOM - unbeliever; board exists to provide support for those who deal with TBM relationships, families, or still married to a TBM spouse.

One of the reasons for this evolution is that over the last 5 years the church discussion has become a public discussion. People are talking about the issues in the open on Facebook without the need to hide behind avatars and anonymity. The church has also fed the discussion by putting out the essays resulting in the number of blogs, podcasts, discussion boards, and disaffected Mormon products to significantly increase as a result.

As more people lose their mormon faith and leave, the easier it becomes for those that follow. It no longer takes 3 years to process, come out of the closet, and move on. Many people just rip the bandaid off and move on with life within a year.

[Red Ryder]

...and poorly formatted pornography.

[StarbucksMom]

Thanks for laugh and picture example RR. I was actually ponderizing (for real) what "poorly formatted pornography" was.

[notforprophet]

Thank you Captain for the work you do keep things real in here.
Thank you RR for the best use of a facsimile I have ever seen.
I'll probably just continue PMing people.

[A New Name]

...and poorly formatted pornography.

See the history of this poorly formatted pornography at this Wheat&Tares blog post

[wtfluff]

The administrator staff of NOM.net is rather small...

I love you Cap'n, and your administrative minions. Thanks for all you do.

BUT... I'm not going on a 2-year NOM mission.

(Just Sayin'. )

[2bizE]

I like both r/exmormon and NOM.
r/exmormon is more of a place for shock and awe in mormonism. NOM is more of a long term, consistent home for comfort and support. R/exmormon is like going to a MMA fight. NOM is like staying home and watching Rocky III with some friends. Both can be entertaining.

[Reuben]

Also, at NOM we get more long-form discussions. At r/exmormon, it's common to apologize for length after writing three paragraphs, and it often feels like everyone is shouting in the dark. (But maybe that's just my Reddit theme...)

[moksha]

R/exmormon is like going to a MMA fight. NOM is like staying home and watching Rocky III with some friends.

Isn't that due to r/exmormon having a younger group of posters? When I glanced at it, it seemed to have posts related to High School and early 20's issues. Whereas they might be bemoaning an overly pious parent, NOM might be asking deep philosophical questions like whether believing is a choice, or engaging in deep scientific formulations to achieve the perfect fry sauce.

[achilles]

Whereas they might be bemoaning an overly pious parent, NOM might be asking deep philosophical questions like whether believing is a choice, or engaging in deep scientific formulations to achieve the perfect fry sauce.

Or finding the right sauce for fried penguin...

[2bizE]

R/exmormon is like going to a MMA fight. NOM is like staying home and watching Rocky III with some friends.

Isn't that due to r/exmormon having a younger group of posters? When I glanced at it, it seemed to have posts related to High School and early 20's issues. Whereas they might be bemoaning an overly pious parent, NOM might be asking deep philosophical questions like whether believing is a choice, or engaging in deep scientific formulations to achieve the perfect fry sauce.

I’m sure the age group is a big reason for NOM being a great, learning support system.

[Thoughtful]

I found this forum when someone left a comment at FMH blog about it being helpful to them.

[Dravin]

So I haven't been here long, obviously, but I love this space and I feel like it's a much better place for those transitioning than the more angry exmormon subreddit.

r/exmormon is good when I'm feeling angry and want to take nasty swipes at the church or laugh at some edgey memes, NOM is good for calmer moments. Over at r/exmormon people have a place to unapologetically share raw emotions and realizing you aren't unique in feeling htem. Here at NOM is great for a bit later on down the road when you are shifting from sharing those emotions and realizing you aren't alone to wanting to talk through them or for when you want a more in-depth conversation on a topic (though I feel that is a case of format rather than necessarily the community).

Isn't that due to r/exmormon having a younger group of posters? When I glanced at it, it seemed to have posts related to High School and early 20's issues. Whereas they might be bemoaning an overly pious parent, NOM might be asking deep philosophical questions like whether believing is a choice, or engaging in deep scientific formulations to achieve the perfect fry sauce.

While there are teens and college students on r/exmormon there are plenty of married (I realize early 20s issues and married when talking about Mormons isn't necessarily exclusive) and older individuals. I'd chalk the more chaotic and rough and tumble nature to both Reddit (which tends to encourage a certain bluntness in interactions) and the user influx and churn. Here people trickle in and even when angry there are a bunch of calmer heads trying to talk them down, over on r/exmormon you also have a bunch of angry or emotionally raw people and it isn't uncommon for them to basically feed on each other.

[moksha]

Here people trickle in and even when angry there are a bunch of calmer heads trying to talk them down, over on r/exmormon you also have a bunch of angry or emotionally raw people and it isn't uncommon for them to basically feed on each other.

Well, blessed are the NOM peacemakers for their's is a weekend getaway for two to beautiful Wendover, Nevada.

[Hagoth]

r/exmormon can be immensely entertaining. I refer to the communication style there as "drive by shooting." NOM is a much better place to take your shoes off and get comfortable with friends, but r/exmormon is a great quick-stop for the latest news and a good laugh. You see a lot of the same black-and-white thinking there that you find in the church, just flipped upside down so the apostates are the ultimate heroes and the church is the irredeemable villain.

[crossmyheart]

By all means please post about NOM- and share the link so we can add some upvotes.

The topics get recycled at both sites- and I am a lurker more than an active member at both sites. But I enjoy reading about other's daily conflicts with reality vs the church.

My NOMish DH doesn't really like to talk about these kinds of things- so both sites are my intellectual refuge. As long as my DH remains somewhat faithful to the church, I remain stuck in limbo between NOM and r/exmormon.