Dad Did Something Foolish

[achilles]

Well. I'm not quite sure how to write this post.

For the past two and a half years, I have been living with my parents to help take care of my mom. My dad was away on business a lot, and her health was declining. She passed away last July.

My dad has been--not himself. I found out about six weeks ago that he has been on Match and dating since September. I had the impression that he wasn't exclusive with anyone, and did not plan to be. Anyway, he comes home today to tell me he got married to some lady three weeks ago, and now he plans to divorce her. If that's true, it's been a strange marriage. I've never even met the woman, and I told my dad I didn't want to meet anyone he might chose to date yet, because it's too early for me.

1-they don't live together (in fact, they live about 80-100 miles apart)
2-they never consummated the marriage
3-he tells me that she needled him into it

He's been acting weird lately, and I guess it's because he has been secretly married, and trying to figure out how to get out of it.

I forgive him, if not just for the fact that I understand what it's like to be lonely. But she isn't happy he's divorcing her, and she might try to make it ugly. I don't even know what Utah divorce law would have to say about the situation. I hope he doesn't have to give her any money or property. I guess his lawyer says he has a good case, and might even be able to get it annulled.

I can honestly tell you he seems like he hasn't been in his right mind lately.

[John G.]

I haven’t seen all your previous posts, but you may want to check to make sure this isn’t a “lonely heart” type of interent scam. They are pretty common scams in which the scammer finds lonely men and women over the internet and moves in really fast. A quick marriage is exteme, but they usually start asking for money for various “emergencies” until they bleed the mark dry.

It can be hard for the victim to tell anyone about it because it can be embarrassing.

[moksha]

You might need a forum lawyer like Consiglieri or Jeffret to give you precise advice, but I remember reading that if a marriage has not been consummated it can be annulled without a divorce.

[Jeffret]

You might need a forum lawyer like Consiglieri or Jeffret to give you precise advice, but I remember reading that if a marriage has not been consummated it can be annulled without a divorce.

It might be useful to have an actual lawyer with expertise in the area and jurisdiction. In my case, I'm not a lawyer. I just spent a lot of time reading about civil rights cases, particularly regarding marriage equality. I read lots of the written briefs and listened to a number of the oral ones. I read a number of the court decisions. I learned which experts understand the topics well. I learned that when Judge Posner speaks, even SC justices listen. And when David Boies cross-examines you don't want to be on the witness stand. It's fairly similar to what happens in law school, though. The students do much the same thing. And as practicing lawyers they continue the same patterns if they want to be good. Though I get quite a bit of it right in the areas I've studied, my expertise is very narrow. Again, though, that's not all that different for many real lawyers.

I have no idea what Consiglieri's areas of expertise are.

[2bizE]

I find that everyone heals at a differenf pace. it is intriguing that Achilles has not moved to the space where he is ready for his father to move on to another relationship, and yet his father has somewhat. Usually, it is the opposite in my experience. Im not knowledgeable on the legal aspects of the divorce, but it sounds like your father does not want to live alone without a spouse.

[Red Ryder]

I agree with John G. There's so many different frauds that target grieving people. We have a friend who's husband passed. Some guy honed in on her and once he found out she had a significant life insurance pay out, he pushed for a quick marriage. Fortunately she listened to her friends and family and her own instinct and never pursued it.

Have you had a conversation with him to find out if he's actually met her in person? Has he shared financial info or made money transfers?

Glad to hear he has a lawyer to help him get out of this.

[moksha]

I learned which experts understand the topics well. I learned that when Judge Posner speaks, even SC justices listen.

I bet when Judge Jeanine Pirro of Fox News speaks, bartenders smile.

[Hagoth]

I'm not a lawyer.

I'm shocked to learn this.

[Jeffret]

I'm not a lawyer.

I'm shocked to learn this.

I've explained it a number of times but it still seems that some people aren't aware. I've even had some lawyers here think I was another one. When I've described how I gained the knowledge I have, they've explained that's about how they did it as students. Though, mine if pretty narrow.

[Random]

The last I knew of Utah law, you could get an annulment if you were married under false pretenses, also if the marriage has not been consummated.

[Hagoth]

The last I knew of Utah law, you could get an annulment if you were married under false pretenses, also if the marriage has not been consummated.

I had a friend who got an annulment even though his marriage had been consummated. I think it has more to do with how much time has passed before you realize you made a huge mistake.

[achilles]

Good news, folks. He filed for annulment and it looks like it's gonna happen. Phew. Still have to deal with the fact that he's gone off the rails. At least he's getting therapy now.

[Lithium Sunset]

That is great news! So glad you have some positive news; that must have been so stressful. Keep hanging in there.
Hope you find/found a good counselor the first time around.

[Random]

The last I knew of Utah law, you could get an annulment if you were married under false pretenses, also if the marriage has not been consummated.

I had a friend who got an annulment even though his marriage had been consummated. I think it has more to do with how much time has passed before you realize you made a huge mistake.

Same here. I had a friend who got married and his wife had it annulled even though it had been consummated. I think if it was under a window of so many months (like three, perhaps) it could be annulled. I thought she'd said it was under false pretenses, but he told me recently she said he'd deserted her, even though she was the one who moved out.

[Random]

Good news, folks. He filed for annulment and it looks like it's gonna happen. Phew. Still have to deal with the fact that he's gone off the rails. At least he's getting therapy now.

Glad to hear it.

I hope the therapy helps him a lot.