1) Do you have faith in and a testimony of God the Eternal Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost?
Yes, I would like to say I do. But please keep in mind that faith is actually a REALLY, REALLY low bar. Also keep in mind that you didn't ask what kind of testimony I have. I have a testimony, but when I say 'testimony', I'm probably not thinking the same thing you are.
2) Do you have a testimony of the Atonement of Christ and of His role as Savior and Redeemer?
Yes! I think this is one of the most beautiful parts of the gospel. Christ's life gives me so much hope. His teachings inspire me. I truly and whole hardheartedly believe that his actions have brought peace and joy into the lives of countless people. At the same time, I don't believe that he was physically and actually resurrected. By the way, at several points during this interview, I'll be referring back to this question. None of us are perfect, and that is why I'm so grateful for the atonement. It lifts me up and helps me overcome by shortcomings.
3) Do you have a testimony of the restoration of the gospel in these the latter days?
Yes, I would say I do. But again, when I say 'testimony', I'm probably not thinking the same thing you are. Joseph Smith certainly brought about a marvelous work and a wonder here on the earth. But I also believe he was kind of a douche-bag to a lot of people (do you know who Helen Mar Kimbal is?). Oh ya, I also don't believe that the Book of Mormon was actually translated, nor do I believe in its historicity. I believe it was created by Joseph. But yes, I have a testimony of the restoration.
4) Do you sustain the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the Prophet, Seer, and Revelator and as the only person on the earth who possesses and is authorized to exercise all priesthood keys? Do you sustain members of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as prophets, seers, and revelators? Do you sustain the other General Authorities and local authorities of the Church?
Without question, yes. Again, I might define priesthood differently than you. I want to be a member of this church. I want to help support it and make it better. I believe that I can do that by sustaining all of the people in my ward, stake and in the church that have any calling.
5) Do you live the law of chastity?
Yes, I keep the law of chastity as it is defined in the endowment ceremony.
6) Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?
Umm.... I yell at my kids sometimes. I'm pretty sure that is not in harmony with the teachings of the church. But ya, I certainly do try to be a good decent person.
7) Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?
I hate this question. Do you realize you can word this 256 different ways. I mean, literally, you can word this 256 different ways. Let's look at one iteration.
"Do you affiliate with any individual whose practices are contrary to those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?"
There, that's one way to word it? So, if I affiliate with a gay person at my place of employment, how do I answer this question? If I talk to my gay brother in law how do I answer this question? If I have lunch with my uncle that was excommunicated for apostasy, how do I answer this question. I would need to write a PhD thesis to answer this question completely.
What I can tell you, is that I try really hard to be supportive of the church. But I also recognize that we treat certain groups like crap. And we as a people need to fix that.
8) Do you strive to keep the covenants you have made, to attend your sacrament and other meetings, and to keep your life in harmony with the laws and commandments of the gospel?
I do so strive. And at the same time, I'm very grateful for question number 2, because I fall short of this all the time.
9) Are you honest in your dealings with your fellowmen?
Absolutely. I even try to be nice to people that I buy stuff from on craigslist.
10) Are you a full-tithe payer?
I live the law of tithing as defined in D&C. But I also make my contributions directly and confidentially to church headquarters. Not a single person in my stake knows how much money I give to the church. But I absolutely and wholeheartedly believe in my heart that I live the law of tithing.
11) Do your keep the Word of Wisdom?
So, are you really just asking me if I drink, smoke, or consume coffee or tea? Or are you asking me if I eat red meat sparingly? Let's just say that I try to live a healthy life. At times in my life, I've put things in my body that I should not have. But like many of the things on this list, I'm really trying to do my best. Please refer back to number 2.
12) Do you have financial or other obligations to a former spouse or children? If yes, are you current in meeting those obligations?
Not applicable
13) If you have previously received your temple endowment, Do you keep the covenants that you made in the temple?
Seriously, no one does this. Please refer to question 2.
13a) Do you wear the garment both night and day as instructed in the endowment and in accordance with the covenant you made in the temple?
DUDE!!!! Seriously, there are no instructions about garments in the endowment ceremony. I know you're going to read me that statement from the handbook, but I've paid attention. THERE ARE NO INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT HOW TO WEAR THE GARMENTS IN THE ENDOWMENT CEREMONY. So... Umm.... ya, I guess the answer is a solidly vague yes.
(Quick side note, when I just had my TR interview recently, the BP counselor made a side comment after reading the handbook insert. He commented that he thinks God trusts us to make wise decisions about how we wear the garments. I was really happy to hear him say that.)
14) Have there been any sins or misdeeds in your life that should have been resolved with priesthood authorities but have not been?
Well, there was that one time.... Oh, umm.... never mind. No, absolutely not.
15) Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the Lord's house and participate in temple ordinances?
Shouldn't this be the only question here? I think it should be the only question. And the answer is an emphatic YES!
