Why I told my kids
Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2018 2:43 pm
Dear LDS church,
I am writing this letter to you to let you know why I told my kids the truth about LDS church history. I have 6 beautiful children. 3 sons and 3 daughters. They are smart, funny, and talented. They are born leaders. They are kind. They are the "salt of the earth" individuals you would have wanted to carry on the LDS faith, serve in the church, and raise their own children to do the same.
When I started learning the truth about Joseph Smith; how horribly he treated Emma, that he cheated behind her back with young teens, foster daughters, other women, and other people's wives, I was faced with a dilemma. Keep up the charade, or start distancing myself from the LDS church out of a sense of personal morality and integrity. After the church published the "Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo" essay, and didn't apologize for what JS did or admit it may have been a mistake, I chose the latter. I am still a (much) less active member, married to a believing spouse.
I have dedicated most of my adult life to being a wife and mother. Only recently have I returned to work, as I now have children out of the house/in college. Those who remain are in school all day. I made sacrifices to stay home and raise them. I have never regretted it, and I never will. I have loved being a mother. Coming from an abusive home (my parents divorced and my mother abused me), I was able to become a "transitional character" and stop the cycle of abuse with my own children. I never fully understood what real love was until I created, bore, and raised children with my husband. I breastfed all of them, including my twins. I spent sleepness nights, staying up with a sick child in a bathroom with steam so they could breathe when they had croup. All the while wondering if I needed to rush them to the ER right then. I spent all my days caring for several young children, up to 3 in diapers at once, with a smile on my face and open arms to hold more than one while I read them countless stories, took them to the park, made countless meals and baked cookies, (while my little ones sat on the counter throwing flour around) drove to countless sports and dance practices, and cleaned up after countless spills, throw up, and potty accidents. I laughed with them, sang with them, and heard "I love you mommy" countless times. Over the years, I received countless drawings of me with my children, with a barely legible "To mom" written on top. One child even drew me a picture of him throwing up while I stood in front of him smiling, with outstretched arms, ready to catch the meal he lost. They and my husband were- and still are- MY WHOLE WORLD.
Although I have lost faith in the LDS church, I remain a Christian. I am faithful to my husband and I drink coffee and tea, but no alcohol. I do not wear garments. I always hated them anyway. I feel clean and worthy before God. But I cannot attend the temple. Sitting out in a stupid waiting room while my children were married was NOT an option for me. Period. So without my husband's knowledge or specific permission, I told my older 3 children the truth about church history. The same truths you can find in "Rough Stone Rolling" or in the gospel essays. They have all abandoned Mormonism. My younger 3 know their siblings and mom don't believe, and I will tell them the truth when I feel the time is right.
Last weekend, my oldest daughter was married. Her wedding was outdoors, on a perfect day. There were floral sashes and fresh flowers on the white aisle chairs, with rose petals on the walkway. It was absolutely beautiful and so moving. My non LDS dad and step mom (who I now call mom) were able to witness it and walk down the aisle with the other grandparents. None of my children are endowed (most too young) and they all saw their sister married, and were a part of the wedding. My daughters were a maid of honor and bridesmaid, and my son was a groomsman. He got to walk down the aisle with his littlest sister, who he has always had a special bond with. That is when I started to cry. But then my husband walked in with my beautiful daughter on his arm, who looked like something out of a fairy tale with a beautiful white dress and real pink flowers in her hair. They walked in to this song. https://vimeo.com/68641493 So many people were wiping tears away, including her fiance. My husband got to hug his daughter, tell her he loved her, and physically handed her over to his new son in law. A very close family friend, a Christian, performed the ceremony. He talked about them joining their lives together before God, and their promising to respect, love, and care for each other through thick and thin. They wrote their own vows and pledged their love and committment to each other. A fun reception followed, with lots of celebrating and dancing. (and gasp! alchohol, mostly paid for by the groom's family.)
LDS Church, you did not earn the right to take that away from me. You did not have the right to take that away from my daughter's non Mormon friends and extended family. You did not have the right to take that experience away from my daughhter's siblings.
Nor will you ever.
I will do all I can to make sure you never, ever, rob me of the right to witness my children making the most important commitment they will ever make to another human being. After all, I was there through all the sleepness nights, the sickness, the happiness, the tears and disappointment, the all night school projects......I was there through it all. And I will be present at their wedding ceremonies too.
I am writing this letter to you to let you know why I told my kids the truth about LDS church history. I have 6 beautiful children. 3 sons and 3 daughters. They are smart, funny, and talented. They are born leaders. They are kind. They are the "salt of the earth" individuals you would have wanted to carry on the LDS faith, serve in the church, and raise their own children to do the same.
When I started learning the truth about Joseph Smith; how horribly he treated Emma, that he cheated behind her back with young teens, foster daughters, other women, and other people's wives, I was faced with a dilemma. Keep up the charade, or start distancing myself from the LDS church out of a sense of personal morality and integrity. After the church published the "Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo" essay, and didn't apologize for what JS did or admit it may have been a mistake, I chose the latter. I am still a (much) less active member, married to a believing spouse.
I have dedicated most of my adult life to being a wife and mother. Only recently have I returned to work, as I now have children out of the house/in college. Those who remain are in school all day. I made sacrifices to stay home and raise them. I have never regretted it, and I never will. I have loved being a mother. Coming from an abusive home (my parents divorced and my mother abused me), I was able to become a "transitional character" and stop the cycle of abuse with my own children. I never fully understood what real love was until I created, bore, and raised children with my husband. I breastfed all of them, including my twins. I spent sleepness nights, staying up with a sick child in a bathroom with steam so they could breathe when they had croup. All the while wondering if I needed to rush them to the ER right then. I spent all my days caring for several young children, up to 3 in diapers at once, with a smile on my face and open arms to hold more than one while I read them countless stories, took them to the park, made countless meals and baked cookies, (while my little ones sat on the counter throwing flour around) drove to countless sports and dance practices, and cleaned up after countless spills, throw up, and potty accidents. I laughed with them, sang with them, and heard "I love you mommy" countless times. Over the years, I received countless drawings of me with my children, with a barely legible "To mom" written on top. One child even drew me a picture of him throwing up while I stood in front of him smiling, with outstretched arms, ready to catch the meal he lost. They and my husband were- and still are- MY WHOLE WORLD.
Although I have lost faith in the LDS church, I remain a Christian. I am faithful to my husband and I drink coffee and tea, but no alcohol. I do not wear garments. I always hated them anyway. I feel clean and worthy before God. But I cannot attend the temple. Sitting out in a stupid waiting room while my children were married was NOT an option for me. Period. So without my husband's knowledge or specific permission, I told my older 3 children the truth about church history. The same truths you can find in "Rough Stone Rolling" or in the gospel essays. They have all abandoned Mormonism. My younger 3 know their siblings and mom don't believe, and I will tell them the truth when I feel the time is right.
Last weekend, my oldest daughter was married. Her wedding was outdoors, on a perfect day. There were floral sashes and fresh flowers on the white aisle chairs, with rose petals on the walkway. It was absolutely beautiful and so moving. My non LDS dad and step mom (who I now call mom) were able to witness it and walk down the aisle with the other grandparents. None of my children are endowed (most too young) and they all saw their sister married, and were a part of the wedding. My daughters were a maid of honor and bridesmaid, and my son was a groomsman. He got to walk down the aisle with his littlest sister, who he has always had a special bond with. That is when I started to cry. But then my husband walked in with my beautiful daughter on his arm, who looked like something out of a fairy tale with a beautiful white dress and real pink flowers in her hair. They walked in to this song. https://vimeo.com/68641493 So many people were wiping tears away, including her fiance. My husband got to hug his daughter, tell her he loved her, and physically handed her over to his new son in law. A very close family friend, a Christian, performed the ceremony. He talked about them joining their lives together before God, and their promising to respect, love, and care for each other through thick and thin. They wrote their own vows and pledged their love and committment to each other. A fun reception followed, with lots of celebrating and dancing. (and gasp! alchohol, mostly paid for by the groom's family.)
LDS Church, you did not earn the right to take that away from me. You did not have the right to take that away from my daughter's non Mormon friends and extended family. You did not have the right to take that experience away from my daughhter's siblings.
Nor will you ever.
I will do all I can to make sure you never, ever, rob me of the right to witness my children making the most important commitment they will ever make to another human being. After all, I was there through all the sleepness nights, the sickness, the happiness, the tears and disappointment, the all night school projects......I was there through it all. And I will be present at their wedding ceremonies too.
Thank you for sharing your courage, strength, and eloquence with us. - Wndr.
It will be a first for me to full on stretch the truth (fib) like that in an interview.