Family Baptism

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I went to a baptism a few weeks back. My co-parent's nephew was getting baptized and my children were invited. My co-parent declined to go because she was within a week of her due date and it was too soon for her since leaving the faith to attend a baptism. So, I took the children. Behind her back, some of her family poked fun at her because of her "fear" of a building. I don't really have a problem going into the building, but my disassociation with Mormonism was a slow burn over 8 years while my co-parent was sudden in a short period. Her blinders were ripped off violently and her social cost was far, far higher than mine.

There was a relative-by-marriage there that point-blank asked me "what her issue was". The only thing I could say is that getting divorced was the worst period of my life. The day I got divorced I got a Samsung telephone and used the default ring tones and alarm tones for a few months. To this day, if I hear those ring tones (thankfully Samsung has switched their defaults since so I don't hear them much) I become nauseated. I have even found that the blue Irish Spring soap sets me off because I used it during that period of time and later switched to Dove. I bought Irish Spring about a year and my first shower I started crying. The next day the same thing. I became horrifically sad in the shower. When we have a horrible experience in our life, scents, sites, and sounds can cause incredibly strange emotional or physical responses in us.

Unfortunately my explanation fell flat. They said that it was just a building and she was being a child. Which was interesting because they didn't make the logical leap and say that a Samsung phone is just a Samsung phone, or that Irish Spring is just a bar of soap. It was quite the opposite, they expressed empathy in that a _lot_ of people have those phones and they never thought of that.

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2 quick side stories that were hilarious

-- After the baptism but before confirmation I was sitting in the hall of the church waiting for my children to come out of the font room. A woman in the ward stopped in front of me, gripped my cheeks, leaned in about 3 inches from my face and said, "YOU NEED TO COME BACK. PLEASE COME BACK". It was loud enough for everyone to hear. My mother (in attendance of the baptism) saw this and was aghast. She leaned over during the confirmation talk and said (sarcastically), "THAT'S effective".

-- Immediately after the baptismal service I was waiting for my daughters to change out of their dresses. An old friend was waiting with me (since the others left and priesthood had to remain there until we left). Since I left the church they have added a big double-door closet in the hallway by the primary that says, "MEMBER CUSTODIAL CLOSET". That was new to me. I said to my friend, "Well, there are some things I definitely will never miss about the church", while pointing to the sign. He started laughing. I took a picture and sent to my co-parent to which she responded: "That's something I don't miss". I showed it to my friend and we both just started dying and laughing REALLY LOUD. My mother came around the corner and said, "What are you laughing about?" I pointed to the sign and she said, "I bet that's something you don't miss!" And at that point all three of us are in tears.

[Corsair]

Your two stories bookended each other in a lovely way. When you were loudly told "YOU NEED TO COME BACK", she obviously wanted to add, "BECAUSE IT'S YOUR TURN TO CLEAN THE CHURCH." Seriously, what is the compelling reason to be in the LDS church that would also satisfy the obligation to clean the toilets in a mediocre way. I have some respect for the Rule of St. Benedict that included daily work as part of a monastic devotion to God. Benedict of Nursia would have made the men's bathroom spotless. Today, cleaning the LDS ward building is an astonishingly lackluster imitation of the discipline of a devoted believer.

[slavereeno]

Ok, assume I was raised in the church and have been living under a rock for the past 40+ years... can you explain the relationship of co-parent?

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Co-Parent is a positive way to say "Ex-Wife". When I got divorced my state requires all divorced parents to take a 4-hour course on how to behave as a divorced parent. It was a _really_ good class and we have really striven to implemented all of their suggestions. One of those suggestions came from a few studies where children see the phrase "ex-wife" or "ex-husband" negatively. They see it as an attack on the other parent rather than just the reference to the fact that you were once marriage. Co-parent is not seen by the child as an attack.

EDIT: After a little research, it is also a push to avoid custody but seeks time and support from both parents rather than traditional "one-side custody". Incidentally, the good relationship and friendship that I share with my former spouse has resulted in us implementing this in our divorce situation.

[slavereeno]

Thanks! that makes sense.

[Raylan Givens]

Co-Parent is a positive way to say "Ex-Wife". When I got divorced my state requires all divorced parents to take a 4-hour course on how to behave as a divorced parent. It was a _really_ good class and we have really striven to implemented all of their suggestions. One of those suggestions came from a few studies where children see the phrase "ex-wife" or "ex-husband" negatively. They see it as an attack on the other parent rather than just the reference to the fact that you were once marriage. Co-parent is not seen by the child as an attack.

EDIT: After a little research, it is also a push to avoid custody but seeks time and support from both parents rather than traditional "one-side custody". Incidentally, the good relationship and friendship that I share with my former spouse has resulted in us implementing this in our divorce situation.

I love your approach. I had a friend with parents like that, he felt very supported and could shake off the "silent shaming" he received in a 95% Mormon dominated community.

I used get triggered by Brute calogne from a very abusive and ruthless basketball coach I had in middle school. He was a retired teacher/coach who would occasionally sub at my high school. Even as a senior (years later), if I smelled his cologne in the hallway, I hightailed it the other way.

He lives in my mom's new ward now. I come and say hello when I see him, but his dementia is so bad he just smiles and says hello. The fierceness is gone, and the trigger is gone- even though the Brute is still there.

I bet your former in-law can secretly relate, they just don't want to admit it. Thanks for being a role model of how adults should interact.