In Which I'm just feeling anxious

[Thoughtful]

We finished our taxes tonight and we have to pay quite a bit. Not as much as we got back last year, but enough that it's a decent chunk of change I could buy a quality purebred dog and a couple months of service dog training for. (Ahem--there was just a really cute standard poodle puppy that I would love to get my hands on.) I did run a tax simulation in which I put $4000 more into tithing instead of into retirement, to test the theory that maybe I'm being punished for paying on net. That would have saved me about $600. So I'd rather have the $4k in retirement investments, obviously.

It also appears that my teenage daughter has some swelling on her neck where her thyroid would be. Thyroid disease runs in my family, but she is very young--the rest of us had onset in early 20s-40's.

I had way too much caffeine today and I don't process caffeine well after 2pm. So it might be a long night for me.

Just wanted to vent a little. Nothing anyone can really do about any of it. I'm actually quite grateful we made so much more money this year than last year. I am confident her doctor is competent and thorough.

[Reuben]

Anxiety sucks, yo. My wife and kids are afflicted with the clinical variety, and I've experienced a lot of it lately as well. Solidarity.

I hope your daughter's swelling is nothing too serious, or if it is, that it all works out.

Tithing... man. We just discovered that 10% of our net income is 100% of our discretionary income. That was an eye-opener.

Now for some science!

I had way too much caffeine today and I don't process caffeine well after 2pm. So it might be a long night for me.

Bleah. I hate needing more wake-up juice when I know it'll keep me up.

I've also found that afternoon caffeine makes me feel stressed, and therefore more anxious. Turns out I'm validated by science! This study suggests that if you use caffeine regularly, it only increases your cortisol levels if you have it when your cortisol isn't at peak (i.e. in the afternoon or evening):

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2257922/

So... morning caffeine doesn't tend to increase stress, but afternoon caffeine does.

I've been chasing my afternoon two-shot cappuccino with things that are known to reduce cortisol: dark chocolate, chamomile, standing in a power position (this is weirdly effective for me), exercise. It seems to be working. I'm also going to try a one-shot cappuccino followed by black tea.

[Thoughtful]

Anxiety sucks, yo. My wife and kids are afflicted with the clinical variety, and I've experienced a lot of it lately as well. Solidarity.

I hope your daughter's swelling is nothing too serious, or if it is, that it all works out.

Tithing... man. We just discovered that 10% of our net income is 100% of our discretionary income. That was an eye-opener.

Now for some science!

I had way too much caffeine today and I don't process caffeine well after 2pm. So it might be a long night for me.

Bleah. I hate needing more wake-up juice when I know it'll keep me up.

I've also found that afternoon caffeine makes me feel stressed, and therefore more anxious. Turns out I'm validated by science! This study suggests that if you use caffeine regularly, it only increases your cortisol levels if you have it when your cortisol isn't at peak (i.e. in the afternoon or evening):

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2257922/

So... morning caffeine doesn't tend to increase stress, but afternoon caffeine does.

I've been chasing my afternoon two-shot cappuccino with things that are known to reduce cortisol: dark chocolate, chamomile, standing in a power position (this is weirdly effective for me), exercise. It seems to be working. I'm also going to try a one-shot cappuccino followed by black tea.

Science fits my experience today. Black tea in the morning makes me function with no 3pm slump.

A soda at the movies at 230pm put me jumping out of my skin all day. Throw in some hormonal stuff, taxes, and a worry about my kid, and here it is 3am and I'm trying to solve the world's problems in my head.

I need to go for a long run, but we are having a weird weather event.

[Red Ryder]

Ah the old taxes and tithing debacle. Pay a buck to save a nickel!

I’ve been reading about mindful mediation a lot lately and trying to implement it some. It seems to calm me down a lot but I’ve realized it also seems to curb my creative side. Or at least quiet the voices inside my head that compete for laughter. It’s a weird thing because I tend to humor myself a lot and lately it’s just not been there. Head space is a strange dilemma.

Hang in there, it will be alright. What movie did you go see?

[blazerb]

I can relate a little. I have been experiencing a lot of uncertainty at work. In my unguarded moments, I thought I might be getting punished for lack of tithing. I did my best to let go. I know that anxious feelings are hard. Take care and know that you're doing the best you can. I hope your daughter is ok.

[redjay]

superstition hypothesis

http://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Skinner/Pigeon/

"A few accidental connections between a ritual and favorable consequences suffice to set up and maintain the behavior in spite of many unreinforced instances. The bowler who has released a ball down the alley but continues to behave as if he were controlling it by twisting and turning his arm and shoulder is another case in point. These behaviors have, of course, no real effect upon one's luck or upon a ball half way down an alley, just as in the present case the food would appear as often if the pigeon did nothing -- or, more strictly speaking, did something else".

I learned about that about 20 years ago. Only stopped paying tithing last year. That shnizzle is strong.

[Thoughtful]

Ah the old taxes and tithing debacle. Pay a buck to save a nickel!

I’ve been reading about mindful mediation a lot lately and trying to implement it some. It seems to calm me down a lot but I’ve realized it also seems to curb my creative side. Or at least quiet the voices inside my head that compete for laughter. It’s a weird thing because I tend to humor myself a lot and lately it’s just not been there. Head space is a strange dilemma.

Hang in there, it will be alright. What movie did you go see?

Jumanji-- dollar special for spring break.

A doctor I work with says we need to be just a little depressed to be either creative or to have good sex.

[Thoughtful]

I can relate a little. I have been experiencing a lot of uncertainty at work. In my unguarded moments, I thought I might be getting punished for lack of tithing. I did my best to let go. I know that anxious feelings are hard. Take care and know that you're doing the best you can. I hope your daughter is ok.

Thank you! Swelling is down today. Will watch it. I'm hoping it's allergies/ lymph nodes a la springtime.

superstition hypothesis

http://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Skinner/Pigeon/

"A few accidental connections between a ritual and favorable consequences suffice to set up and maintain the behavior in spite of many unreinforced instances. The bowler who has released a ball down the alley but continues to behave as if he were controlling it by twisting and turning his arm and shoulder is another case in point. These behaviors have, of course, no real effect upon one's luck or upon a ball half way down an alley, just as in the present case the food would appear as often if the pigeon did nothing -- or, more strictly speaking, did something else".

I learned about that about 20 years ago. Only stopped paying tithing last year. That shnizzle is strong.

We've had a lot of "tithing blessings" over the years. I think I'd like to choose where my money goes to be somewhere that doesn't use it to enable sexual predators...

[Raylan Givens]

Yikes! Sorry about the medical worries. My seven year old was diagnosed this month, it explains why we have been struggling with her for years, but it still makes you nervous about what the future looks like.

I owe taxes too, I wondered the same thing. I ran simulations and found that paying more into my mortgage like I have been is more beneficial overall. We are handcore investing in some other areas too. None of this would be possible with tithing, and we still give to a bunch of charities that we like- we just don't put a percentage on it anymore.

Good luck, all the best to your daughter.

[Thoughtful]

Yikes! Sorry about the medical worries. My seven year old was diagnosed this month, it explains why we have been struggling with her for years, but it still makes you nervous about what the future looks like.

I owe taxes too, I wondered the same thing. I ran simulations and found that paying more into my mortgage like I have been is more beneficial overall. We are handcore investing in some other areas too. None of this would be possible with tithing, and we still give to a bunch of charities that we like- we just don't put a percentage on it anymore.

Good luck, all the best to your daughter.

Thank you, I'm glad you got a diagnosis. Her swelling is down now, but she's achy and feels fluey.

I'm trying to figure out our best tax scenario and we're at the point we can't do a traditional IRA because of our pension benefits, we've maxed out our business and personal deductions except charitable giving -- but I am looking for better charities at the moment. A pretax health savings account is in our future next. But I guess we are "blessed" to be in a position that we're biting the bullet on taxes--we've doubled our income since my faith transition began. That's nothing to sneeze at, and certainly better evidence than my worry about tithing less.

[Raylan Givens]

I hear ya. Paying taxes is a sign you are in a good place and I should not complain.

I am going to be tax heavy with my pension and DWs 401k, if we retire. We are frontloading an indexed universal life plan. When the cash value builds up years down the road, you just borrow against it, and take money out tax free. It might be a good option for you. Just find someone that can setup for investing purposes rather than as a life insurance plan. It doesn't help for taxes now, but it will down the road. It can also be passed down in an estate.

Good luck.

[Thoughtful]

I hear ya. Paying taxes is a sign you are in a good place and I should not complain.

I am going to be tax heavy with my pension and DWs 401k, if we retire. We are frontloading an indexed universal life plan. When the cash value builds up years down the road, you just borrow against it, and take money out tax free. It might be a good option for you. Just find someone that can setup for investing purposes rather than as a life insurance plan. It doesn't help for taxes now, but it will down the road. It can also be passed down in an estate.

Good luck.

We actually do have something like this. It accrues cash value and has a guaranteed return and a expected return. I should get the yearly statement next month telling us the position we're in. I'm not sure if it's one we can borrow from, but with a cash value certainly will be some sort of asset. Thankfully we're not in a position of needing to borrow atm.

[Margarita]

Margaritas guys...you need margaritas.

[Thoughtful]

Margaritas guys...you need margaritas.

I haven't taken any kind of plunge into drinking yet, and I'm debating whether I want to. Pros and cons.

[Margarita]

Not pushing you to do a thing..just saying that you can if you want too...choices..something we don't get without guilt in the church..is choices..