Depressed today

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Jinx
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Depressed today

Post by Jinx » Sun Nov 13, 2016 1:28 pm

My best friend and ward music chairman chose "Where Can I Turn for Peace" as the opening hymn today - a thinly veiled reference to her (and my) utter despair at the result of the election. I led the singing. The song made me rather unhappy, because this is a question I've been asking myself a lot this week. My mom says I just have to have faith. (In what? I've lost my faith in humanity this week and my faith in God has been gone for years.) Going to church makes me angry and it makes me sad because sometimes I miss the simple days when I could just believe all the nonsense. I was unhappy then because I couldn't make my square peg fit the round hole, but at least I understood the purpose of life and could let God carry part of the burden. I can't even say I believe in God anymore, so what do I do with my despair and hopelessness?

I wish I could stop going to church entirely. But I really can't. I am loved and needed there, and I am a person who doesn't let people down if I can help it. So I keep attending, keep singing in the choir. And keep crying after sacrament meeting.
“This is the best part of the week!” – Homer Simpson
“It’s the longest possible time before more church!” – Lisa Simpson

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Red Ryder
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Re: Depressed today

Post by Red Ryder » Sun Nov 13, 2016 1:59 pm

Cheer up Jinx!

I'm a "glass is half full" kind of guy so let me point out a few things to help. It could always be worse, like perhaps if you were born in Syria, Sri Lanka, or Rhode Island. Those people don't even get to vote. Or go to 7-11 for a slurpee or Klondike Bar.

So when you feel down in the dumps, ask yourself what would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Then find the things you do enjoy at church. Like the choir. I like to watch the funny faces the singers make as their mouths morph into funny looking instruments of out of tune gospel singers auditioning for the Mormon Tabornackee Choir.

After sacrament meeting, step outside and take the biggest gasp of air into your lungs and then thank God you survived another week undercover. Life is too good to be weighed down by wacky Mormonism! You just have to start watching it like its on a National Geographic Nature show. Today in the Serengeti Ward, the male Mormon species are blissfully and pompously fluttering about in their white shirts and ties as the female species worry about their lipstick as they prepare to sing "where can I burn the fleas?'

Smile! You have one I presume?
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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Silver Girl
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Re: Depressed today

Post by Silver Girl » Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:31 pm

Jinx - I am sorry you're feeling down - it's tough when you attend for a few reasons but are depressed for many more reasons. I hope you get over it soon and contemplate where the future will take you, or what will make you feel better. If this church becomes unbearable (as it did for many of us), you can find a similar sense of being loved, needed and contributing at other churches. You'd also make yet more friends.

You'll be in my thoughts -

SG
.
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Silver Girl is sailing into the future. She is no longer scared.

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glass shelf
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Re: Depressed today

Post by glass shelf » Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:37 pm

Jinx wrote:
I wish I could stop going to church entirely. But I really can't. I am loved and needed there, and I am a person who doesn't let people down if I can help it. So I keep attending, keep singing in the choir. And keep crying after sacrament meeting.
I don't remember the rest of your background, but I wanted to comment on this. First of all, the most important person not to let down is yourself. If something is important to other people, then they can figure out how to fulfill those things. You're not the answer to everyone else's problems. You feel loved and needed at church, but there could be other places you are just as loved and needed that you don't know about right now because the church is taking up that time.

If you want to stay at church, then do it, but take a look at the opportunity costs. Church should be the place giving you peace, not heaping on the depression.

ulmite
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Re: Depressed today

Post by ulmite » Sun Nov 13, 2016 4:22 pm

A certain event on Tuesday also rattled my faith in humanity. What has got me up and running again was the realization that I can accept the outcome while refusing to accept any legislation/policy that ensues. I can accept the presidency but not the man. I am not consciously relying on God to get over it, so I hope that can help a bit. For despair not pertaining to that subject, I honestly dunno.

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Jinx
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Re: Depressed today

Post by Jinx » Sun Nov 13, 2016 5:15 pm

glass shelf wrote:
Jinx wrote:
I wish I could stop going to church entirely. But I really can't. I am loved and needed there, and I am a person who doesn't let people down if I can help it. So I keep attending, keep singing in the choir. And keep crying after sacrament meeting.
I don't remember the rest of your background, but I wanted to comment on this. First of all, the most important person not to let down is yourself. If something is important to other people, then they can figure out how to fulfill those things. You're not the answer to everyone else's problems. You feel loved and needed at church, but there could be other places you are just as loved and needed that you don't know about right now because the church is taking up that time.

If you want to stay at church, then do it, but take a look at the opportunity costs. Church should be the place giving you peace, not heaping on the depression.
This is a huge struggle for me. I am kind of a "if I wasn't here the world would fall apart" person; even though I know that isn't true I still feel that way sometimes. I think that's pretty common in mothers... But I love my choir leader and I love singing with him. I just need to figure out if I love it more than I hate going to church. It's been especially difficult lately, but I always slip into a kind of depression when the days get shorter and it may just be that. DH feels the same way about the choir director. Choir is the only thing that gets him into church at all - I attend every week because I'm the chorister in SM. I could ask to be released from that and just show up when the choir's singing...

And RR, I have a really big smile and I use it all the time. Which is why I know I'm in trouble - I don't feel like smiling at people lately.
“This is the best part of the week!” – Homer Simpson
“It’s the longest possible time before more church!” – Lisa Simpson

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FreeFallin
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Re: Depressed today

Post by FreeFallin » Sun Nov 13, 2016 7:51 pm

Sorry about how you are feeling. (((hugs))) If you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears.

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MoPag
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Re: Depressed today

Post by MoPag » Sun Nov 13, 2016 9:59 pm

((Hugs)) You are brave to make it through SM every week.

Sending some positive energy/good vibes your way!
...walked eye-deep in hell
believing in old men’s lies...--Ezra Pound

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trophywife26.2
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Re: Depressed today

Post by trophywife26.2 » Sun Nov 13, 2016 10:00 pm

Jinx wrote: This is a huge struggle for me. I am kind of a "if I wasn't here the world would fall apart" person; even though I know that isn't true I still feel that way sometimes. I think that's pretty common in mothers... But I love my choir leader and I love singing with him. I just need to figure out if I love it more than I hate going to church. It's been especially difficult lately, but I always slip into a kind of depression when the days get shorter and it may just be that. DH feels the same way about the choir director. Choir is the only thing that gets him into church at all - I attend every week because I'm the chorister in SM. I could ask to be released from that and just show up when the choir's singing...

And RR, I have a really big smile and I use it all the time. Which is why I know I'm in trouble - I don't feel like smiling at people lately.
I have been thinking about that hymn a lot this week too. It has been hard. I also get seasonal depression. After Tuesday I thought maybe I should put up my Christmas decorations early to cheer me up, but it felt hollow and empty. I don't even want to put them up at all this year. We are here for you. I hope you can find some peace with the church situation. If church helps you feel fulfilled you should keep going, but if it is a net negative you should stop. If you do want to stop, they will find someone else. It doesn't mean you weren't loved or needed, it just means that someone else can take a turn while you take time to take care of yourself.

Have you listened to the Mormon Stories where he interview Jana Reiss about taking a 1 year sabbatical from church? http://www.mormonstories.org/305-306-fl ... ana-riess/ It's a really good one. I have to warn you though, Last year I set out to begin my sabbatical and I don't think I'll ever go back 13 months later.

For the SAD, make sure you get outside and get some vitamin D every day if you can.

For the Tuesday situation. I don't know. I wish I knew. I made an action plan of things I can do right now like one of my concerns is climate change so I made a list of new commitments I can make to produce less waste.
Even if it's something disappointing, it's still better to know the truth. Because people can deal with disappointment. And once they've done that, they can feel that they have really grown. And that can be such a good feeling. -Fred Rogers

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