This culture is pretty brutal

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mylittlefactory
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This culture is pretty brutal

Post by mylittlefactory » Thu Jul 19, 2018 9:21 am

A kid that used to be in our ward came home from his mission early. He's home close to 4 months early. He's the only boy in the family and was called to the same mission that his dad served in. The family has been beyond proud of him. Because he is the only son and none of the girls went on missions, his mom went ridiculously overboard with a celebration for his farewell. She literally has a shrine dedicated to him that occupies at least two six foot long tables with tons of pictures, flag/crap from the country he's serving in etc. It's actually almost disturbing how meaningful his mission has been for them. He was supposed to return at the end of October, but his mission president sent him home immediately following some unknown infraction. He arrived at 1 in the morning. My son has a little inside scoop, as a friend of one of the siblings, and he told us that the mother made many phone calls to get his released changed to "honorable". It's understandable that a thing like classifying it from "dishonorable" to "honorable" would be so desperately important for the family. This was going to be the difference between a very shameful and quiet return or the ability to proclaim victory for a mission accomplished. A dishonorable release would also mean no homecoming talk or any social media posts with pictures of an emotional reunion. I can only imagine the devastation of the call to inform them that he was being sent home. It had to have rocked their world, especially since both of them have held prominent positions like bishop and stake callings. I felt for them as I saw them desperately trying to spin this by posting pics of his return on social media as if "there's nothing to see here". She posted several times, obviously trying to head off speculation. Each time she would use the hashtag #besttwoyears. A little later she posted a picture of his shoes with the soles destroyed #toughtwoyears. Later in the evening they posted a picture of them at the temple, making sure to show his worthiness. It's all soooooooo painful to see the energy necessary to try and paint this return as completely above board. I was pleased to see that nobody made any comment like "wasn't he supposed to come home several months from now?". People know how much this stuff hurts, so they were very respectful and only positive in the comments. Although people were kind in the comments, we know this culture and not only are people talking about it (look, even I'm doing it, lol) they're rating him as a failure. It sucks that after giving close to two years of your life for something, the power of the group can negate it for you in an instant. Anyhow, just sharing what's been really painful to watch.

Mackman
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Re: This culture is pretty brutal

Post by Mackman » Thu Jul 19, 2018 10:15 am

The over the top mother is very disturbing to say the least !!!!

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Not Buying It
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Re: This culture is pretty brutal

Post by Not Buying It » Thu Jul 19, 2018 10:51 am

Tell you what, it is one messed up culture I was raised in. A guy gives up two years minus four months of his life for his religion, and his reward is a lifetime of ignominy and shame? And his parents are more worried about that shame than they are supporting their son?

Man, the Church makes decent people do some pretty horrible things.
"The truth is elegantly simple. The lie needs complex apologia. 4 simple words: Joe made it up. It answers everything with the perfect simplicity of Occam's Razor. Every convoluted excuse withers." - Some guy on Reddit called disposazelph

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Corsair
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Re: This culture is pretty brutal

Post by Corsair » Thu Jul 19, 2018 2:26 pm

Part of the ongoing burden of this early release is how this young man is absolutely immersed in this culture and is largely unable to see out. I expect that he will experience the existential tension of wondering if he can put "LDS Mission" on his resume when he applies for college and jobs. I fear that someone close to him may hint that this will be a problem for the rest of his life wondering if he can somehow feel worthy of the love of the Savior. I doubt anyone will point out that unless you are applying for admission or employment at BYU, leave a mission off your resume. Seriously, no one cares. Mormon missionaries have the public image of simply being awkward teenagers who want you to change your whole life based on their naive earnestness. The LDS church lacks the public gravitas to make full time missionary service truly a social good. But that won't stop the lessons to LDS teens.

It's not that I would want to turn this young man into an apostate. But, he should know that he was literally paying money to be a volunteer salesman for a religion that somehow is still implying that he is at least a mild disappointment before God, angels, and ward full of witnesses. It is not his job to prove his worthiness. On the contrary, it should be the job of his family and the church to lovingly demonstrate the blessings and benefit from continuing to be in the church. Demonstrate why the church should deserve any further attention from this young man.

I can't help him and I wish I could.

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A New Name
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Re: This culture is pretty brutal

Post by A New Name » Fri Jul 20, 2018 3:34 pm

I'm so bad, I would send anonymous e-mails to the mother with things like #best20months, and #tough20months

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crossmyheart
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Re: This culture is pretty brutal

Post by crossmyheart » Fri Jul 20, 2018 5:30 pm

I have a close relative who literally had a nervous breakdown when her oldest daughter received a mission call but never left because-"oops I'm pregnant!" 4 years later she still can't drive a car because of the after effects of the breakdown. The thing is, she has gone full blown orthodox TBM on her younger children. They are miserable and are rebelling any chance they get.

This culture IS brutal and toxic. Hoping that poor kid can get some distance from this and recover.

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moksha
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Re: This culture is pretty brutal

Post by moksha » Fri Jul 20, 2018 7:28 pm

Corsair wrote:
Thu Jul 19, 2018 2:26 pm
On the contrary, it should be the job of his family and the church to lovingly demonstrate the blessings and benefit from continuing to be in the church.
The Chuch should demonstrate continuing support since that would be the right thing to do.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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