I'm no prophet but . . . An anecdote for hope

[Zack Tacorin Dos]

I have taken a stand to withdraw my support from the Church as an example to my family. Not long ago my oldest child told me of her disaffection from the Church. I knew they didn’t accept the Church’s stand on many issues and was heading in the direction of leaving it, but I was shocked when they told me they wanted to resign from the Church. I hope and believe their stand on the Church is an indication of things to come for the rest of my family. Mark my word—I will be a beacon of honesty, integrity, and undying loyalty to them. For whatever reason, you [LDS General Leadership] refuse to make that same commitment. As a result, they will stand by my side, and it is likely that one-by-one they will leave you and the Church you represent
(Me, in an "An Open Letter to LDS General Leadership" I wrote 14 May 2012 but never published or shared with anyone).

As with just about anything else in life, there are no guarantees on how well your life will go, whether in or out of the Church or somewhere in between, but I hope my anecdote will give someone reason for hope.

I came out to my wife several years ago. Four of my five kids have been out of the Church mentally, emotionally, spiritually for some time now. I have one kid who remained a believer. The believing child was the most devout in the group, served a mission, attended seminary, attends institute, goes to church on own volition, and everybody loves this kid because said kids is one of the most wonderful human beings you'll ever meet.

I just found out that this wonder-kid no longer believes. Apparently they could no longer believe as of a couple years ago. This kid hasn’t spoken with me about it at least in part because of how this would affect my wife (still a devout, believing Mormon) and how my wife would probably react.

After my disaffection from Mormonism, we kept going to Church, having FHE, saying prayers, etc. I never taught the kids anything anti about the Church (backfire effect you know). However, they did know that I no longer believed. I’d be grossly oversimplifying the situation to say my dissent was the only major factor in my kids’ disaffection ('cause the LDS Church is its own worst enemy), but I think my dissent is certainly a big part of my kids leaving the Church. My example seems to be more powerful and influential than years of indoctrination and the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Is it any wonder the Church wants those who are disaffected to keep their mouths shut?

Life is hard at times. Transitioning from devout Mormon to something else can be excruciating. Reach out to someone if you need to, and we all need to from time to time. Take care of yourself and those you love. Have faith in that which truly lifts you up. You are not alone, I don't think you comprehend how much you matter, and you can do this.

Love you, NOMies!
Zack

[2bizE]

Thanks so much for sharing this Zach. This gives me hope as I navigate my faith crisis and family dynamics. Letting our family know we stand with them no matter what is so important. Family is much more important than church.

[Zack Tacorin Dos]

Family is much more important than church.

Easy for you to say my fellow heathen. Some profits, $eers, and revelamators don't seem to have the same priorities as you my friend.

[Hagoth]

This kid hasn’t spoken with me about it at least in part because of how this would affect my wife (still a devout, believing Mormon) and how my wife would probably react.

This is the toughest thing about being part of a high-demand religion. People who believe are hurt simply by others not believing. I really hate this. They are taught that their eternal prospects are dependent on others believing as they do. I really wish for a religious environment where people are made to understand that if something works for you then you should go with it, if it doesn't you are encouraged to take your own journey and find out what does work for you.

[Corsair]

This sounds like my life. I have only one child with any reliable testimony of the LDS church. All four of them love each other and treat each other well. The church is spoken about rarely, but kindly. I am pretty sure that my wife realizes what kind of weapons grade apostasy I could unleash on our children if the church crossed any of several specific, personal boundaries. I can tolerate a lot of baloney in meetings, but my children have been progressing in directions I can appreciate and we can remain stable for now.

[Zack Tacorin Dos]

They are taught that their eternal prospects are dependent on others believing as they do. I really wish for a religious environment where people are

This! I'm sure my wife would say that she operates in relationship to her family based on her faith in Christ. I think the evidence is overwhelming that she actually operates, in relationship to the fam, out of fear to an unhealthy level because of what she has been taught by the institution de la Iglesia. More than one of my kids has expressed to me how hard her reaction to our disaffection has been on them. I actually see her fearful reaction as another one of the significant factors in my kids' disaffection from la Iglesia.

[Zack Tacorin Dos]

This sounds like my life. I have only one child with any reliable testimony of the LDS church. All four of them love each other and treat each other well. The church is spoken about rarely, but kindly.

Sounds like you've probably set a good example of respect for people regardless of the baloney they may believe in.

I am pretty sure that my wife realizes what kind of weapons grade apostasy I could unleash on our children if the church crossed any of several specific, personal boundaries. I can tolerate a lot of baloney in meetings, but my children have been progressing in directions I can appreciate and we can remain stable for now.

Haha, bolded phrase is my fav of the day. And, way to look out for your kiddos!