NOM

There is a new person I work very closely with at work. Our jobs are complimentary we collaborate in all our planning on a daily basis. We are just starting out in this 'partnership' and I really like her and think this will be a mutually beneficial professional relationship. She is LDS (because Utah) and she is not originally from the United States so I don't think she'll be too cuckoo for cocoa puffs when she realizes I'm not Mormon/ex-Mormon.

She has assumed I am Mormon from our first meeting. There has never been a natural conversation break to say, I'm not actually LDS. She has never asked me anything about the church (what ward are you in? what is your calling? where did you serve your mission) but she does talk to me as if I am a member. There are subtle differences in how members talk to members and non-members.

I just want to get it over with and I want her to know, but it's never been natural. I have worn sleeveless shirts in front of her, mid-thigh shorts, double pierced ears, and drank coffee. IDK what other politely subtle strategies to use. She will figure it out eventually, but I just feel so darn uncomfortable when she talks to me as if I'm Mormon.

Example: Talking to me about a worry about a child starting junior high and doing drugs. She says, "you take them to church, but you never know." I say, "all we can do is our best at parenting and teach them your values." I try to focus on commonality we have, but never say anything to imply I have ownership over 'church' or 'mormonism' or anything that direction. I did specifically tell another person on our team that I am ex-Mormon. My new partner recently added me on social media so I know she'll figure it out soon.

I'm worried it could damage our rapport that we've built when she finds out. Should I just let her find out in her own way? Should I try to tell her in some gentle way (ideas????). I know it's her 'fault' for assuming I'm Mormon, but it's just a weird situation. I have 'chosen' to live and work in the heart of the heart of the Morcor so it's just par for the course.

PS I was going to post this on exmo reddit, since I am resigned and all and it's kind of an exmo question, but I just felt like you guys have the more nuanced answers I am looking for. Love you guys.

Going to church is poor insurance against <insert whatever>.

That opens the door to a church discussion. I'm sure you know a counter example of almost any alleged religious benefit. My church friends did drugs, had sex, swore, smoke drank and all the rest.

trophywife26.2 wrote: ↑

Fri Aug 17, 2018 7:58 pm

... I have worn sleeveless shirts in front of her, mid-thigh shorts, double pierced ears, and drank coffee. IDK what other politely subtle strategies to use. ...

That is what I was going to suggest - coffee etc.

Are there any other religious groups you now associate with? Telling her about a visit to another religious community might do the trick? Good luck!

i Wouldn’t worry about it. I think it is just the way religious people talk to someone they are comfortable with. In fact, people often assume that other’s that they like are like them in ways that those people are not. So if it comes up in some natural way, then you can share your lack of religious beliefs. If it never comes up naturally, it is because she already knows and avoids it because she doesn’t want to emphasize the difference between you, yet still considers you safe to talk to like a friend.

With the new name change fiasco, neither of you are Mormon anymore.

No, I don't associate with any religion anymore. I consider myself an atheist but most religious people hate that. To Mormons I usually say, "we're on a different path now," if they really push it I might bring up gay marriage/nov policy or feminism.

To general Christians, (I have a tiny handful at my work) but in life in general I usually say to other religious folk that after my experience with Mormonism I'm not interested in organized religion anymore and they can generally accept/understand that.

2bizE wrote: ↑

Fri Aug 17, 2018 11:42 pm

With the new name change fiasco, neither of you are Mormon anymore.

Right? That will never stick.

alas wrote: ↑

Fri Aug 17, 2018 11:19 pm

i Wouldn’t worry about it. I think it is just the way religious people talk to someone they are comfortable with. In fact, people often assume that other’s that they like are like them in ways that those people are not. So if it comes up in some natural way, then you can share your lack of religious beliefs. If it never comes up naturally, it is because she already knows and avoids it because she doesn’t want to emphasize the difference between you, yet still considers you safe to talk to like a friend.

This makes me feel a lot better. I can just view this as an expression of trust. I think after leaving it's been really painful to see how Mormons don't trust me to let their guard down anymore so since my new friend/ partner is doing that I'm confused about what to do with that. It does feel like I'm leading her on in a way since no other Mormons trust me, but I guess it's for her to decide where to place her trust. I've been my true self the whole time so there is nothing to feel guilty about.

Ask her to join you for a beer/glass of wine at a local bar that you love.
Tell her about a Mexican restaurant that makes great Margaretta's and ask when she would like to join you.
Tell her that you are going to get coffee on your lunch break and ask her if she you to get her a would like a latte while you are out.
Invite her for a girls day out to visit a casino/horse track on Sunday. This may mean a road trip out of state.

These are normal questions that everyday people ask while not in the morcor. A few of them asked in a nonchalant (normal everyday) way should establish you as a non member.

Just be yourself, she will figure it out. Maybe make sure your co worker knows that her being LDS doesn't matter to you...

Best wishes.

To quote Dolores O'riordan from The Cranberries:

It's in your head, in your head.... zombie, zombie...

Trophy, you are now a normal person girl!

Normal! Normal! Normal...

Repeat after me...

Normal people don't talk about church at work!
Normal people don't worry about church at work!
Normal people drink coffee at work!
Normal people wear sleeveless outfits to work!
Normal people talk about their kids at work!
Normal people worry about junior high age kids!
Normal people build friendships with co-workers!
Normal people....

Sigh.... I wish I was normal!

Same here, I will never be normal. I don't really even know what a normal relationship looks like.

Sigh.