Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

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Archimedes
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Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by Archimedes » Tue Sep 04, 2018 10:09 am

First I would like to thank the NOM forum and its various participants over the years, for providing me refuge and mental stimulation during my long period of trying to make a mixed-faith marriage work in the Mormon church. A little less than 2 years ago my DW left me, sons, grandsons, and the life we have built here in Oregon and went back to "her" family, a bunch of TBMs now living in southern Utah. She immediately filed for divorce, took me to the cleaners, and treated me like a criminal throughout the process. The divorce has been final for nearly 1 year. My contributions to the marriage failure were many and frequent, but at the heart of it, the reason for the break up of this family was my failure to be able to believe in and support the Mormon church of today.

So, here is the $64 question, why have I not resigned from the church yet? My youngest son resigned on his 18th birthday. I'm still here kicking at the pricks.

I thought for awhile it was just laziness (me not resigning yet), then it was stubbornness (my current bishop has let me know he would REALLY appreciate it if I just resigned, and I REALLY like making him uncomfortable), but now I am thinking it may be out of spite. If my Uber TBM ex-DW ever wants to get re-married to some righteous Permit Holder, I could totally bollox that up by refusing her a temple divorce. And after the way I was treated during our civil divorce, it would be a pleasure to have a chance to stick the knife in myself for once.

Thinking it may be better just to rip the bandaid off, perhaps join a mass resignation in support of Sam Young or something. What do you think?
"She never loved you; she loved the church, her one true love. She used you to marry the church by proxy."

-- unknown reddit poster

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Not Buying It
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by Not Buying It » Tue Sep 04, 2018 10:21 am

I'd be out in a heartbeat if it wouldn't hurt family members. I can see the appeal of sweet revenge though.
"The truth is elegantly simple. The lie needs complex apologia. 4 simple words: Joe made it up. It answers everything with the perfect simplicity of Occam's Razor. Every convoluted excuse withers." - Some guy on Reddit called disposazelph

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crossmyheart
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by crossmyheart » Tue Sep 04, 2018 10:57 am

Disclaimer- that I have not resigned yet because like Not Buying It, I can't hurt the ones I love who are still in (like my NOM-ish husband). But I am flip-flopping on this decision constantly.

I agree- there is nothing like sweet revenge- but at the same time, have a look at my avatar. The few things I have been able to let go of have truly given me inner peace.

I would love to be able to have my resignation mean something like the Sam Young movement. If you choose to be a part of it, may it bring you closure.

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Archimedes
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by Archimedes » Tue Sep 04, 2018 11:19 am

Yes, I'm starting to see Letting Go as being a lot healthier than hoping for a sweet revenge in the future. Karma has kicked me in the ass pretty good this past couple of years, no need to engender even more negative Karma. You are wise, thank you.
"She never loved you; she loved the church, her one true love. She used you to marry the church by proxy."

-- unknown reddit poster

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Red Ryder
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Sep 04, 2018 11:25 am

Here's the thing with resignation. It means more to you than it does to the church, ex wife, or bishop. Will anyone care if you resign? No. You're already out of the fold so many expect and hope you would to make their life easier.

If it brings closure than do it.

In regards to the ex getting remarried....

Don't think for a second your opinion matters in the slightest. The church will allow a spouse to remarry regardless of what you have to think, say, or proclaim about it. I've seen it over and over again where the former non-believing spouse is asked for their approval or whatever they call it and nothing they say matters.

Finally, here's the best free advice I have.

Find something better to do with your life that replaces the space in your head currently occupied by your former religion. This includes posting here at NOM where we maintain a slow drip IV of Mormonism mixed with anxiety, hope, skepticism, and underwear humor. You may like the last 3 I listed but nonetheless you're still getting dosed with Mormonism.

Best of luck Arch!
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“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

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Raylan Givens
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by Raylan Givens » Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:19 pm

I have been thinking about this too. My Mormon Senses tingle when I hear something in the news, or some Podcast catches my attention. I was at a ward BBQ last night. We have great friends who still hang out with DW and I, even after we no longer attend. When I go to these parties, I just feel sad and hopeful all mixed in. As if I could go back and be apart of this again, but I know this isn't happening. It isn't realistic and it would pull me under almost immediately.

I think a great number of us have the thorn in our side. Festering. I recently had a gross video pop up on my YouTube feed. A guy had a piece of glass make its way to the surface of his arm. It had been there for 15 years since an auto accident. It wasn't a big piece, but he described it as one of the best feelings, as if his arm was "lighter."

I may be doing this soon. I can't keep going to BBQs, and ward functions, too much baggage for me. DW is very matter of fact and has no problem hanging out and being free and open about us. I just be nice and talk about the next (insert common interest here). I am tired of the looks from the older ward members. The comments, "we miss your tenor voice in the choir."

I am currently the Cub Master. Something I do enjoy doing. When the ties are cut with the Scouts...I think that is when I am out.

I will post the video on my wall with the simple words, "I am out."
"Ah, you know, I think you use the Bible to do whatever the hell you like" - Raylan Givens

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Archimedes
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by Archimedes » Fri Sep 07, 2018 12:11 pm

Well the time for me is now. I cant think of a better cause to throw in with than Sam Young's.

This will be good, a clear demarcation of a new life path. Look for me at Tri-cities this Sunday. And pray for Sam. I dont know the man but i think this whole thing is really hard for him.
"She never loved you; she loved the church, her one true love. She used you to marry the church by proxy."

-- unknown reddit poster

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IT_Veteran
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by IT_Veteran » Fri Sep 07, 2018 4:05 pm

Archimedes wrote:
Fri Sep 07, 2018 12:11 pm
Well the time for me is now. I cant think of a better cause to throw in with than Sam Young's.

This will be good, a clear demarcation of a new life path. Look for me at Tri-cities this Sunday. And pray for Sam. I dont know the man but i think this whole thing is really hard for him.
Congrats! For me (I just received confirmation this week!) it was something of a relief to have my name no longer associated with the church. Too bad I still show up in the directory (wife and kids are still on the records, so the entire household is listed).

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GoodBoy
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by GoodBoy » Fri Sep 07, 2018 4:38 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Tue Sep 04, 2018 11:25 am
Here's the thing with resignation. It means more to you than it does to the church, ex wife, or bishop. Will anyone care if you resign? No. You're already out of the fold so many expect and hope you would to make their life easier.

If it brings closure than do it.
Yes.
Always been the good kid, but I wanted to know more, and to find and test truth.

hmb
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by hmb » Sat Sep 08, 2018 8:45 am

I think your choice is a good one. About the revenge thing, it is, at least for me, satisfying to fantasize about sweet revenge. While it's a great thought, it is something I never acted on. I know I would feel a lot of regret if I had. Part of healing is in letting go. Anyway, a better revenge is to show your new, free life as a good, thoughtful person. It's not as satisfying in the immediate, but sweeter down the road. My thoughts anyhow.

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Archimedes
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by Archimedes » Sat Sep 08, 2018 1:13 pm

hmb wrote:
Sat Sep 08, 2018 8:45 am
I think your choice is a good one. About the revenge thing, it is, at least for me, satisfying to fantasize about sweet revenge. While it's a great thought, it is something I never acted on. I know I would feel a lot of regret if I had. Part of healing is in letting go. Anyway, a better revenge is to show your new, free life as a good, thoughtful person. It's not as satisfying in the immediate, but sweeter down the road. My thoughts anyhow.
I agree with you now, but it has taken some time to work through the bitterness.

Having been dragged quite enough this past couple of years, I am ready to Let Go.

Deep Breath.
"She never loved you; she loved the church, her one true love. She used you to marry the church by proxy."

-- unknown reddit poster

Wonderment
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by Wonderment » Sat Sep 08, 2018 1:43 pm

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. :)

You will receive much more inner peace and contentment from resigning than anything else you could do ( including revenge). Plus, you are supporting Sam Young, who will almost surely be exed. ( In your letter, you can explaing that you are supporting him).

Move into the sunlight by resigning, and you will always thank yourself for doing so. Best wishes, from Wndr. :)

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Archimedes
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by Archimedes » Sat Sep 08, 2018 5:51 pm

Thank you wndr.
"She never loved you; she loved the church, her one true love. She used you to marry the church by proxy."

-- unknown reddit poster

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HighMaintenance
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by HighMaintenance » Sun Sep 09, 2018 7:30 pm

I totally understand, Arch. Though my story is a bit different. Ive decided not to resign until my Mom passes away, but on the other side of things I harbor some very bad feelings towards my husband's ex wife, due to her putting undue pressure on him to relinquish his parental rights so that her 2nd husband could adopt them, with his family taking her side, and her dragging me in to court hearings about that bull$&it.

What can I say other than, after all that, both of his biological children have (minor offense) criminal records and my biological children who DH raised are crime free, productive members of society. Honestly, I only bring this up because I had a dream this morning that DH's son called us, begging to come stay with us, and I think bio mothers aren't always the best influence.

Sorry for the tangent. Do what is best for you.

All my best,
HM
Somewhere on a toilet wall I read the words 'You form a line to formalize the former lies.' And I finally saw the truth - Slipknot

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GoodBoy
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by GoodBoy » Mon Sep 10, 2018 1:36 pm

It was great to meet you yesterday!
Always been the good kid, but I wanted to know more, and to find and test truth.

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Archimedes
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Re: Why hasn't Archimedes Resigned Yet?

Post by Archimedes » Tue Sep 11, 2018 8:41 am

Same here! What a great group and family you have. Nobody ever smiled that much in a church meeting.

Have a great day,

Arch.
"She never loved you; she loved the church, her one true love. She used you to marry the church by proxy."

-- unknown reddit poster

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