A tale of two days

[hiding in plain sight]

"I liked that man more than I like this man."

Those were the words my wife spoke to me while were were arguing at 30,000 feet on a plane flying from Romania to Paris a little over 6 years ago.

We were arguing over the fact that I hadn't worn my garment top while touring around Romania and our youngest daughter had noticed and freaked out. I had educated her about the church recently putting out on mormon newsroom that garments weren't magic, but just a symbol.

I was still in the first two years of waking up and my wife and I were living in a world of detente. It felt like she was just enduring me and our marriage and it was definitely not the loving and supportive marriage we had enjoyed for decades before.

I had pointed out that I totally ignored the issues with the church from 31 until 46 and just had faith. But when our oldest, RM son had chosen to leave the church and I dove in the deep end of the mormon history pool to save him, I was now a changed man. I could not unsee what I had seen.

It was in that context, when she said those words. "I liked that man more than I like this man."

And I had the creeping feeling up my spine, that maybe we would never be a loving couple again.


Fast forward to this past weekend.

Now with more than 6 years between that low point in our marriage, we spend the weekend hiking around Lake Tahoe in California. We put in over 30 miles together on a variety of trails. Sunday was the big day, where we hiked into desolation wilderness and put on over 15 miles in one day.

Each night we would return to a cabin to freshen up and wash away the dirt of the trail. Enjoy a big meal. And most importantly lounge around in anything, but the church approved underwear.

We spend the entire weekend hiking, swimming, sight seeing in normal attire. I loved watching my wife walk around in a tank top. I loved attending church in the great cathedral of the out of doors.

Don't get me wrong. My wife is still a believer. In fact she is the RSP. But her worldview has softened and evolved over this time as well.

But something changed in the past 6 years.

Then. Me taking of my garment top because it was too damn hot was almost grounds for divorce.

Now. Both of us just enjoying each other and the church being set to the side is the norm.

For us. Time does heal all wounds.

For us. We have chosen each other. I choose her and will be by her side for as long as she want to stay a mormon.

She chooses me and us over the church.

I am so glad my premonition 6 years ago was wrong.

[Bosch]

This gives me some hope...

[deacon blues]

HIPS, that is a wonderful story.... Love Wins over dogma.

[hiding in plain sight]

This gives me some hope...

Definitely take hope.

My mantra through all of this has been this: "I love my wife more than I hate the church."

I have found that the more I have given to her the more she has given back to me. In the early days, when I was demanding to be acknowledged, all I was doing was pushing her away.

Good luck.

[hiding in plain sight]

HIPS, that is a wonderful story.... Love Wins over dogma.

Thank you. I am very grateful to have not lost my most precious relationship to the dishonesty of the church.

[Red Ryder]

I love to hear this side of the story. What twilight zone do we live in where the lack of church approved underwear can cause such a rift in a marriage?

My own experience has been similar. When I stopped wearing G's I started sleeping without a shirt on as I often did as a kid up until I was shackled to the polyester via my own endowment. The wife and I had a comfortable spooning position that we found comfortable enough to fall asleep in. Most of the time she would hold me. After taking the garment top off, it was too much for her and she couldn't do it anymore. It felt too weird and reminded her I have up on "my covenants"! How jacked up is that? It took awhile to get back to the routine but we eventually did and she was the one who recommended I toss them out for good. I had been keeping the tops as undershirts. Not anymore.

The church has full control of its members when it can require compliance with underwear and the members easily comply. some people think garments are innocent symbols of an inner commitment. I say they are the golden handcuffs that bind the mind to Mormon leaders.

So stupid.... So stupid!

[jfro18]

This is great!

I hope one day to get to this point... I wish I had been brave enough to take a stand years ago so maybe by now I could be at this point with some peace and mutual understanding, but I hope after reading stories like this that it can happen.

You see a lot of bad endings when one spouse figures out the truth about the church, but when you see these it gives hope to all mixed-faith marriages.

Thanks for sharing this - a great thing to see for people like me that are fairly early in the journey!

[crossmyheart]

Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.