Being Unnecessary

[Anon70]

I attended a ward conference recently. Before the meeting started a women’s choir sang a beautiful song as prelude music (that they had been preparing for several weeks). Most of the ward missed it due to showing up either right at the top of the hour or coming late. The men presided and conducted. They invited three people to come bear their testimony-a young man, a woman and a man. Then the bishop called all men 12 & older up to perform an impromptu musical number. Then the bishop and all three members of the stake presidency spoke. Both prayers were by men. Sacrament of course administered by the young men. Organist and chorister were women.

All of the men praised all of the other men. The young men for performing their duties so remarkably well. Praising the wonderful bishop/bishopric. Lauding the amazing stake presidency. Only one man mentioned the women’s choir and he also thanked the one woman for her testimony. (For the record I agree these are fine men).

Honestly, the women weren’t needed nor much appreciated. My DDs say they can’t imagine staying active as adults. Why? They’re not necessary. We’ve attended wards where men were the chorister and organist. Zero women on the stand.

I told my DH that the youth leaders are constantly being told to teach the youth to be leaders and how important they are. But if there are no examples of women providing real value or leadership it’ll be impossible for them to receive any message other than that they’re unnecessary.

[Corsair]

I feel for you. Let us not forget the the first official Christian mentioned in the New Testament was Mary Magdelene who witnessed the resurrected Savior. This story would be effectively relayed by a woman speaker with the support of the bishop and stake president.

A lot of leaders just passively overlook women's contributions. I certainly have been in choirs who performed only prelude music for a meeting, and it does feel a little unusual. But I imagine that the stake presidency is looking at the agenda and seeing that all of the major demographics have a part in the program and feeling confident moving forward. The actual execution may give short shrift to the Relief Society, but it looked good on paper.

[Wonderment]

I attended a ward conference recently. Before the meeting started a women’s choir sang a beautiful song as prelude music (that they had been preparing for several weeks). Most of the ward missed it due to showing up either right at the top of the hour or coming late. The men presided and conducted. They invited three people to come bear their testimony-a young man, a woman and a man. Then the bishop called all men 12 & older up to perform an impromptu musical number. Then the bishop and all three members of the stake presidency spoke. Both prayers were by men. Sacrament of course administered by the young men. Organist and chorister were women.

All of the men praised all of the other men. The young men for performing their duties so remarkably well. Praising the wonderful bishop/bishopric. Lauding the amazing stake presidency. Only one man mentioned the women’s choir and he also thanked the one woman for her testimony. (For the record I agree these are fine men).

Honestly, the women weren’t needed nor much appreciated. My DDs say they can’t imagine staying active as adults. Why? They’re not necessary. We’ve attended wards where men were the chorister and organist. Zero women on the stand.

I told my DH that the youth leaders are constantly being told to teach the youth to be leaders and how important they are. But if there are no examples of women providing real value or leadership it’ll be impossible for them to receive any message other than that they’re unnecessary.

Yes -- It is as if the women are invisible and should expect to be invisible. I often felt that if all the women dropped out, the men would go with the meeting as if nothing had happened. They would notice only during the time when some kind of snacks and refreshments were scheduled, or when no one showed up to teach primary. -- Wndr.

[alas]

I attended a ward conference recently. Before the meeting started a women’s choir sang a beautiful song as prelude music (that they had been preparing for several weeks). Most of the ward missed it due to showing up either right at the top of the hour or coming late. The men presided and conducted. They invited three people to come bear their testimony-a young man, a woman and a man. Then the bishop called all men 12 & older up to perform an impromptu musical number. Then the bishop and all three members of the stake presidency spoke. Both prayers were by men. Sacrament of course administered by the young men. Organist and chorister were women.

All of the men praised all of the other men. The young men for performing their duties so remarkably well. Praising the wonderful bishop/bishopric. Lauding the amazing stake presidency. Only one man mentioned the women’s choir and he also thanked the one woman for her testimony. (For the record I agree these are fine men).

Honestly, the women weren’t needed nor much appreciated. My DDs say they can’t imagine staying active as adults. Why? They’re not necessary. We’ve attended wards where men were the chorister and organist. Zero women on the stand.

I told my DH that the youth leaders are constantly being told to teach the youth to be leaders and how important they are. But if there are no examples of women providing real value or leadership it’ll be impossible for them to receive any message other than that they’re unnecessary.

Yes -- It is as if the women are invisible and should expect to be invisible. I often felt that if all the women dropped out, the men would go with the meeting as if nothing had happened. They would notice only during the time when some kind of snacks and refreshments were scheduled, or when no one showed up to teach primary. -- Wndr.

Now, if we could only organize a women’s strike and do just that. Take the sunday and all of us just stay in bed. But too many women think it is the way it is supposed to be and women are really supposed to be invisible. I suppose that really the men would notice before church when the women were not dressing the children or cooking breakfast.

[Red Ryder]

Hey hey hey. I make breakfast for the family every Sunday morning including fast Sunday!

The kids get dressed on their own now but I do credit that to the wife in the early years.

Ironically I'm currently only going to church because of this one woman! If she strikes I wouldn't have to go....

I support the idea!

[alas]

Hey hey hey. I make breakfast for the family every Sunday morning including fast Sunday!

The kids get dressed on their own now but I do credit that to the wife in the early years.

Ironically I'm currently only going to church because of this one woman! If she strikes I wouldn't have to go....

I support the idea!

My husband made breakfast today too. While I played video games. He had to have my help in figuring out the right pan and in finding some things that he was not sure what I use....but then we laughed because we have winter home, summer home, and travel trailer, so *three* kitchens to keep track of, with different stuff in different kitchens. No wonder he needed help.

[wtfluff]

Not to take away from you women-folk's pain, but many males feel the same way in the church. If one doesn't fit into the "Peter Preisthood" mold it's very easy to feel invisible.

And even at that, it's only a very small percentage of the males who advance to the point where the other, very small percentage are praising them.

"Mormon Royalty" (yes they must be male) are the only, tiny group in LDS-Inc. that can ever really advance. The rest of us, no matter our gender are basically invisible. (As long as we do the peon work, and keep paying tithing, nothing else matters.)



Ladies, please organize a strike like you have mentioned. If you'll have me, I'll join in the festivities away from the weekly LDS-Inc. meetings, and I'd love to see what sort of fallout it would cause.

[Anon70]

Not to take away from you women-folk's pain, but many males feel the same way in the church. If one doesn't fit into the "Peter Preisthood" mold it's very easy to feel invisible.

And even at that, it's only a very small percentage of the males who advance to the point where the other, very small percentage are praising them.

"Mormon Royalty" (yes they must be male) are the only, tiny group in LDS-Inc. that can ever really advance. The rest of us, no matter our gender are basically invisible. (As long as we do the peon work, and keep paying tithing, nothing else matters.)



Ladies, please organize a strike like you have mentioned. If you'll have me, I'll join in the festivities away from the weekly LDS-Inc. meetings, and I'd love to see what sort of fallout it would cause.

I agree somewhat-however, you still have the potential as you have the priesthood. And many men outside of Utah (not royalty) are leaders in wards and stakes. Women will never have even that.

Yes -- It is as if the women are invisible and should expect to be invisible. I often felt that if all the women dropped out, the men would go with the meeting as if nothing had happened. They would notice only during the time when some kind of snacks and refreshments were scheduled, or when no one showed up to teach primary. -- Wndr.

I almost titled my post “being invisible”.

[w2mz]

Not only would the TBM women in my life NOT strike, they would take up ardent opposition to anyone who DID strike. The status of women as special second class citizens in the church is an honor and a blessing. They are well behaved Church of Latter-day Saint women who know what it means to honor the priesthood. It’s not even conceivable to them that a strike would be needed. Any such action is surely of the devil.

It’s sad, and frustrating.

[Dravin]

Now, if we could only organize a women’s strike and do just that. Take the sunday and all of us just stay in bed. But too many women think it is the way it is supposed to be and women are really supposed to be invisible. I suppose that really the men would notice before church when the women were not dressing the children or cooking breakfast.

While it's a fantasy that it'd happen (the programming that being ignored and put upon is holy runs deep), I actually say don't just stay in bed. Get the kids dressed and fed, sit them in the pews next to husbands and fathers and then walk out. For a lot of men (those without primary callings) if both the women and children don't show up things can more or less proceed as normal. When all the sudden the men are forced to deal with a ward full of children on their own it will most definitely shake up their day.

[Not Buying It]

Here is an excellent post talking about how much more unnecessary a women feels when she no longer fits the Mormon mold, and it is bad enough when they do:

https://www.the-exponent.com/hearldswom ... -need-you/

Forty years I have given my best efforts, my time, my husband, my children, my money, my emotional energy, everything I am to this church. Now that I question, doubt, even when the questioning and doubting is done in the assumed privacy of the bishop’s office, the church no longer needs me. Now that I don’t fit neatly into the box of the believing, faithful, Mormon woman, I might corrupt the primary children through incessant repetitions of “A Child’s Prayer.”

[Thoughtful]

I've been "on strike" since February. Mind you, I was Molly Mormon, 100% VT, participated in every class and had multiple responsibilities that I just dropped. Guess how many people have noticed?

[stealthbishop]

I attended a ward conference recently. Before the meeting started a women’s choir sang a beautiful song as prelude music (that they had been preparing for several weeks). Most of the ward missed it due to showing up either right at the top of the hour or coming late. The men presided and conducted. They invited three people to come bear their testimony-a young man, a woman and a man. Then the bishop called all men 12 & older up to perform an impromptu musical number. Then the bishop and all three members of the stake presidency spoke. Both prayers were by men. Sacrament of course administered by the young men. Organist and chorister were women.

All of the men praised all of the other men. The young men for performing their duties so remarkably well. Praising the wonderful bishop/bishopric. Lauding the amazing stake presidency. Only one man mentioned the women’s choir and he also thanked the one woman for her testimony. (For the record I agree these are fine men).

Honestly, the women weren’t needed nor much appreciated. My DDs say they can’t imagine staying active as adults. Why? They’re not necessary. We’ve attended wards where men were the chorister and organist. Zero women on the stand.

I told my DH that the youth leaders are constantly being told to teach the youth to be leaders and how important they are. But if there are no examples of women providing real value or leadership it’ll be impossible for them to receive any message other than that they’re unnecessary.

Totally unacceptable!

When I was bishop something like this would have been anathema. Patriarchy is still of course alive and well in this church.