Top 10 ways to recover from a GC hangover!

[Red Ryder]

Has anyone else noticed their spouse suffering from an irrational wave of Mormon guilt induced stupor that manifests itself in crazy mental symptoms, new vocabulary words, and social media fasts? There's a term for this bi-annual ailment:

The General Conference Hangover!

Symptoms can last anywhere from one week to six months depending on how much GenCon was consumed over the weekend. So how does someone help their spouse get over this horrible ailment?

Here's 10 ways to help your spouse recover from their GenCon Hangover:

10. Take them to dinner at a really shady place where the probability of getting food poisoning is high. This will distract and confuse their mind from the sick feelings already in their stomach from the homophobic rants of Elder Oaks and reset the depression inducing microbial bacteria deep within their gut!

9. Pick any season of The Bachelor or Bachelorette to watch with your spouse then casually ask them if they think living in a multi polygamous relationship would be comparable to being on the show? Point out every outfit that is not garment friendly.

8. Make them breakfast in bed for the next 10 days and tell them they deserve to sleep in so they can heal from their brain trauma. When they question said trauma, quietly explain that you are on a 10 day break fast!

7. Hide all of the copies of the Book of Mormon in the house. When questioned tell them you gave one to your neighbor Steve, his friend Tom, Tom's sister, her dog, and a homeless man walking across the park. Allude to the possibility of the homeless man getting baptized next Saturday. However, point out your skeptical that they might just be looking for a bath and a few free cookies.

6. Suggest to your spouse that you are now in the market for a new car, a new house, and a new pair of shoes. Drive around the neighborhood pointing out nice homes you could imagine yourselves living in. Then drive to the local car dealership and in a really bad Italian accent ask for Vinny the Snake! Tell the receptionist that Vinny came by in a really cool Cadillac that he let you test drive but since he wouldn't let you see what's in the trunk you decided to stop by the dealership. When Vinny can't be found, ask the receptionist for his pager number and proceed to go shoe shopping at the mall. When you get to the mall, park the car, turn off the engine, and prophetically exclaim "one two three LET'S GO SHOPPING!"

5. Go visit an old folks home and play bingo with the elderly. Shout out BINGO after every number is called out then blame your glasses for the mistake. If anyone calls you out for not wearing purple polka dot pajamas just wink and tell them you must have left them at home. Remind your spouse that old white men sometimes say really stupid things they don't truly mean or have a clue what they're talking about. Also point out that sometimes they just shit their own pants and pretend they can't smell it while everyone else refuses to point it out.

4. Drive to the nearest amusement park and ride the tallest roller coaster over and over again until you can't hear that primary voice repeating in your head. Afterwards point out that your upper lip now looks a lot like Sister Cordon's from conference.

3. Take your spouse to see a psychic and have them read your palm and speak to your dead relatives. Pull out your patriarchal blessing to compare notes and tell the psychic where they were close and where they were really far off. Then ask them where they keep the hot tub sitting on top of 12 oxen?

2. While at the mall shoe shopping, go find the Sears department store and ask one of the salesmen to show you the latest model of typewriter. As you leave the store, comment to our spouse that you find it unbelievable that they still sell typewriters! Ask your spouse how any such organization that refuses to get with the times can survive in today's world!

1. Take your spouse to see a Muslim ventriloquist comedy show. Remind them that not everyone who speaks with their hand up the prophets ass is speaking for and in behalf of God! Explain to them that they are only pretending to and they know it as well as you do.

[RubinHighlander]

Severe cases of this are also known as Post Traumatic General Conference Syndrome PTGCS.
I think a lot of frequent posters on FB will be suffering from this.

I prefer a regular hangover over a GC hangover. No guilt, just dehydration, easily remedied with water and vitamin I (ibuprofen).

[MoPag]

[wtfluff]

Like all hangovers, it is actually best to just avoid getting the hangover to begin with. Moderation, and all that stuff, ya know?

(Yes, I know we all can't avoid the twice-yearly LDS-Inc. convention... )