Please God help me !

[Mackman]

Sitting in our branch sacrament meeting listening to our stake leaders who were present , I felt like vometing !!!! I left the church a year and a half ago but still attend to satisfy my Dw. I have come to apoint I think that I just cant do this anymore and it will all come to a head as my wife has told me to rejoin or else !!!!! I dont even care anymore if she loves the church more than me oh well get on with it , I have tried for the past 4 yearsto make it work. I believe in Jesus etc etc etc but not this phony B.S. God bless everyone !!!

[Thoughtful]

Sitting in our branch sacrament meeting listening to our stake leaders who were present , I felt like vometing !!!! I left the church a year and a half ago but still attend to satisfy my Dw. I have come to apoint I think that I just cant do this anymore and it will all come to a head as my wife has told me to rejoin or else !!!!! I dont even care anymore if she loves the church more than me oh well get on with it , I have tried for the past 4 yearsto make it work. I believe in Jesus etc etc etc but not this phony B.S. God bless everyone !!!

Ugggggh. I'm so sorry. Is counseling an option?

[slavereeno]

I am sorry to hear this. I can empathize. I am still attending also for DW, and it's miserable. That's the price of getting involved with this "religion"

[Stig]

I tried for years, as well. Ultimately, knowing I was always going to be second in my marriage to a false organization was just too much for my relationship with my wife to survive. I am so sorry you are going through the same thing. It's brutal and so very exhausting.

[jfro18]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'd recommend counseling if she's open to it - I just don't know what the answer is and I know everyone is different, but that might help you find some goals to work towards.

This church is poisonous but until someone is ready to be open to the idea it's not true, the emotional connection is just impossible to reason with.

[Wonderment]

The church is a very toxic organization that rules through fear and spiritual abuse. It creates fear in various ways. In women, it creates fear by inculcating them with the belief that that their husband is responsible for guiding them and the children through the eternities. Behind your wife's anger or insistence that you re-join, in my opinion, is the fear that her exaltation is in question, and she is powerless without a priesthood holder. Basically, this is what COJCOLDS women are taught.
In a calmer moment, gently ask her why she insists you re-join. Her answer will be something about the family and the eternities.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Try to find a non-LDS counselor for help with this situation. If your wife won't attend, then my suggestion would be to attend by yourself. Your wife is in a mind-control situation, and that is the source of the stress. Please keep us posted-- Wndr.

[Angel]

Sundays are always so depressing - my husband goes to church, I go once a month or so - just to sacrament - to be with the kids My husband's salvation does not depend on me - he's happily fantasizing about all the other women he can marry... so no encouragement to attend church from him.. . I'm still married because of the kids, scared of how custody battles would turn out - he makes more $ than I do (I was a good TBM stay-at-home mom for many years... I work FT now, but am now as far advanced in my career as he is...) the only way to stay with the kids is to stay with him... I see him as a room-mate now - it helps to not think of them as a spouse, to just view them as a room-mate.

[alas]

I am sorry the church has put you in this painful situation. I don’t have any advice that hasn’t already been said, just that am so sad that the church I was born into teaches such horrible things and puts an institution before family.

[Lithium Sunset]

Sundays are always so depressing - my husband goes to church, I go once a month or so - just to sacrament - to be with the kids My husband's salvation does not depend on me - he's happily fantasizing about all the other women he can marry... so no encouragement to attend church from him.. . I'm still married because of the kids, scared of how custody battles would turn out - he makes more $ than I do (I was a good TBM stay-at-home mom for many years... I work FT now, but am now as far advanced in my career as he is...) the only way to stay with the kids is to stay with him... I see him as a room-mate now - it helps to not think of them as a spouse, to just view them as a room-mate.

This upsets me greatly... far more than the original poster.. although I have compassion for Mackman... I have great empathy for you. I am wondering how old your children are. Hmmm.... so much more I would ask and say... but what do I know, besides how truly bad relationships can go.

[Hagoth]

Some of us are very lucky to have spouses who recognize that the church is toxic for us and who are willing to give us some space and acceptance. Usually this only comes after years of gentle pressure and lots of honest and painful dialog.

I am very sorry for your situation, Mackman. I can't tell you what to do but if I were in this situation, and if I couldn't get my wife to go to counseling with me, I would do everything engineer a situation, as gently and sincerely as possible, where I could say something like, "If you care enough to want me in the church, do you care enough to spend one day sincerely trying to understand why it causes me so much pain?" Of course this would probably only work after a genuine discussion, not an angry argument. At that point I would try to get her to sit down with and read A Letter To My Wife or the CES letter or the Mormon Primer with an emphasis on the idea that you're not trying to change her, you're just trying to help her to understand you. It seems to me that if someone's ultimate concern is about what happens in the eternities, then it shouldn't be too much of a sacrifice to spend one day with an open mind trying to understand the person you hope to spend those eternities with. If they cannot do that their testimony must be weak enough that they are terrified of losing it.

Like I said, I'm not saying you need to do that, but it's what I would try to do.

[Mackman]

Update : Attempted to get my DW to go to counseling to no avail. She won't even consider it, that's just how it is when you are an apostate I guess. ITS rejoin or else . What she doesnt seem to realize is that or else is sounding better all the time ,!!!! Congrats to those who have resigned recently it is liberating to say the least. God Bless. Mackman

[Angel]

Sundays are always so depressing - my husband goes to church, I go once a month or so - just to sacrament - to be with the kids My husband's salvation does not depend on me - he's happily fantasizing about all the other women he can marry... so no encouragement to attend church from him.. . I'm still married because of the kids, scared of how custody battles would turn out - he makes more $ than I do (I was a good TBM stay-at-home mom for many years... I work FT now, but am now as far advanced in my career as he is...) the only way to stay with the kids is to stay with him... I see him as a room-mate now - it helps to not think of them as a spouse, to just view them as a room-mate.

This upsets me greatly... far more than the original poster.. although I have compassion for Mackman... I have great empathy for you. I am wondering how old your children are. Hmmm.... so much more I would ask and say... but what do I know, besides how truly bad relationships can go.

The room-mate thing actually does work, it is all in a mind set. If you see them as a room mate instead of a spouse, it is not painful any more.

There are good days, and bad days - I am learning to balance emotions and control my thoughts, define my own space. I am using guided meditations and hypnotism, (some great you tubes out there you can listen to) as well as herbal supplements. I am jogging with the dogs - being outside in nature is really really therapudic for me - if you are not a jogger, just going for a walk outside can do wonders. Music - good zen / meditation / spa music - the stuff is working for me. The eastern philosophies are working for me - no one really has any control over anyone else - I'm learning not to allow negative things in.

Sorry if I upset anyone - it was a bad day, I am learning.

[Lithium Sunset]

Update : Attempted to get my DW to go to counseling to no avail. She won't even consider it, that's just how it is when you are an apostate I guess. ITS rejoin or else . What she doesnt seem to realize is that or else is sounding better all the time ,!!!! Congrats to those who have resigned recently it is liberating to say the least. God Bless. Mackman

That is rough. I hope it gets better for you and soon. People do sometimes change their mindset, there is hope. I'm certainly not the only one who once believed the church was the end all, be all.

The room-mate thing actually does work, it is all in a mind set. If you see them as a room mate instead of a spouse, it is not painful any more.

There are good days, and bad days - I am learning to balance emotions and control my thoughts, define my own space. I am using guided meditations and hypnotism, (some great you tubes out there you can listen to) as well as herbal supplements. I am jogging with the dogs - being outside in nature is really really therapudic for me - if you are not a jogger, just going for a walk outside can do wonders. Music - good zen / meditation / spa music - the stuff is working for me. The eastern philosophies are working for me - no one really has any control over anyone else - I'm learning not to allow negative things in.

Sorry if I upset anyone - it was a bad day, I am learning.

First off- Please don't apologize for expressing your feelings, especially if someone else doesn't like them. That is their problem all day long, not yours. Seems like you have enough to worry about.

Second- Not that kind of upset. I am upset for you, not myself. My heart goes out to you. Not saying your husband is abusive (perhaps emotionally.. he doesn't sound like a great guy), but I have escaped my abuser for the most part. You didn't ruin my day.
I had overcome fear, intense fear, about leaving, but not without help and support. Sending you strong hugs.