I’m back - with more questions

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Somegirl
Posts: 50
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 10:54 am

I’m back - with more questions

Post by Somegirl » Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:39 pm

So I’ve been quite busy, but have also been trying to read through the archives here. I feel like I know some of you much better now! Just a quick update from my post about meeting with the bishopric counselor (I don’t know how to link that post, so sorry) - I kept getting called/emailed to meet with him, and he was then put in as the bishop when the bishop moved. I told the person asking me to meet with him that I was not available to meet with him and if the bishop really wanted to speak with me he could email me himself. The bishop emailed and asked me to come meet with him and I told him no and that I was taking a break from the church. He then emailed back and released me from my calling as visiting teaching supervisor by email.

I have had quite a few “visits” this month - 3 within this past week! It started last month. My neighbor who moved in next door less than a year ago texted me to ask if I had time for a brief phone call. I called her and she first asked if we wanted some vegetables from her garden. Then she told me that she was in the new RS presidency and that the president wanted to meet all of the sisters in the ward. Since she knows me, she wanted to arrange a visit with the president and herself. I don’t mind a visit, so I told her that would be fine. They came a week later. The visit was fine, but a bit awkward as I didn’t know the president and she didn’t know me. She did friend me on FB shortly after...

On to this past weeks visits. Last (1.5 weeks ago) Sunday two men stopped by to bring us some home study book (I’m guessing the new extra work at home due to 2 hour church?). These men aren’t our home teachers, as far as I know. Then a few days later somebody stopped by to drop off the ward Christmas party invitation. Then this last Sunday the “missionaries” (I put that in quotes because one of them was younger like a full time missionary, but the other guy seemed to be in his 50s-60s, so I don’t think he was a full time missionary) stopped by to invite us to come celebrate Jesus’ commemorative birth in the one hour sacrament meeting on December 23. The younger missionary was quite pushy in the invitation and seemed like he wanted me to commit to going to that. I didn’t invite them in, so was trying to get them to leave as I was keeping my kids from escaping into the freezing night air. I just said “awesome, thanks”, and they finally left.

Finally on to my actual questions... were these isolated visits? Are we on the ward project list? Did my next door neighbor put us on the project list? Is there even really a project list? I haven’t been to church in almost 2 years with no church visits, so what’s going on now? What is your opinion?

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Evil_Bert
Posts: 111
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 7:40 am
Location: Northern Nevada

Re: I’m back - with more questions

Post by Evil_Bert » Wed Dec 12, 2018 8:32 pm

Welcome to project status.
Illegitimi non carborundum.

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Emower
Posts: 1061
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 10:35 pm
Location: Carson City

Re: I’m back - with more questions

Post by Emower » Wed Dec 12, 2018 8:44 pm

Yup, you are on the list. So am I, even though I have been wide open about my disbelieving and apostate status. It is a wierd situation.

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Corsair
Posts: 3080
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:58 am
Location: Phoenix

Re: I’m back - with more questions

Post by Corsair » Wed Dec 12, 2018 10:55 pm

You are definitely being talked about in your ward council meetings, bishopric meetings, and Relief Society presidency meetings. All of these are Hail Mary pass attempts to get you to return to full activity. It's weird that believing Mormons all have faith that a combination of more doctrine and social events with believers will definitely cause a spiritual awakening. They have so few tools to work with and seem unconcerned that reactivation rates are so low.

Here is a list of things that might be more appealing:
  • donuts and coffee social hour following sacrament meeting
  • thoroughly and honestly coming to understand your religious concerns
  • happily allowing you to attend as little church as you might want
  • accepting your current spiritual path as fully valid
  • a worship band
  • having a trained counselor and religious scholar as the head of the congregation
I'm not trying to be cynical, but none of these items are realistic options for the LDS church. Even the items that would require no effort like short church or accepting your spiritual path would, at best, be delivered with a lot of guilt and passive aggressive reactions.

Thoughtful
Posts: 1162
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:54 pm

Re: I’m back - with more questions

Post by Thoughtful » Thu Dec 13, 2018 7:37 am

Somegirl wrote:
Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:39 pm
So I’ve been quite busy, but have also been trying to read through the archives here. I feel like I know some of you much better now! Just a quick update from my post about meeting with the bishopric counselor (I don’t know how to link that post, so sorry) - I kept getting called/emailed to meet with him, and he was then put in as the bishop when the bishop moved. I told the person asking me to meet with him that I was not available to meet with him and if the bishop really wanted to speak with me he could email me himself. The bishop emailed and asked me to come meet with him and I told him no and that I was taking a break from the church. He then emailed back and released me from my calling as visiting teaching supervisor by email.

I have had quite a few “visits” this month - 3 within this past week! It started last month. My neighbor who moved in next door less than a year ago texted me to ask if I had time for a brief phone call. I called her and she first asked if we wanted some vegetables from her garden. Then she told me that she was in the new RS presidency and that the president wanted to meet all of the sisters in the ward. Since she knows me, she wanted to arrange a visit with the president and herself. I don’t mind a visit, so I told her that would be fine. They came a week later. The visit was fine, but a bit awkward as I didn’t know the president and she didn’t know me. She did friend me on FB shortly after...

On to this past weeks visits. Last (1.5 weeks ago) Sunday two men stopped by to bring us some home study book (I’m guessing the new extra work at home due to 2 hour church?). These men aren’t our home teachers, as far as I know. Then a few days later somebody stopped by to drop off the ward Christmas party invitation. Then this last Sunday the “missionaries” (I put that in quotes because one of them was younger like a full time missionary, but the other guy seemed to be in his 50s-60s, so I don’t think he was a full time missionary) stopped by to invite us to come celebrate Jesus’ commemorative birth in the one hour sacrament meeting on December 23. The younger missionary was quite pushy in the invitation and seemed like he wanted me to commit to going to that. I didn’t invite them in, so was trying to get them to leave as I was keeping my kids from escaping into the freezing night air. I just said “awesome, thanks”, and they finally left.

Finally on to my actual questions... were these isolated visits? Are we on the ward project list? Did my next door neighbor put us on the project list? Is there even really a project list? I haven’t been to church in almost 2 years with no church visits, so what’s going on now? What is your opinion?
It sounds like a list to me too.

The missionaries casually tracted our house two nights ago. They blew their cover when they revealed they knew my name and that we're in the ward. Ward mission leader has been told to buggar off, so Im considering a cease and desist of some kind.

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Hagoth
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Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:13 pm

Re: I’m back - with more questions

Post by Hagoth » Thu Dec 13, 2018 9:49 am

Somegirl wrote:
Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:39 pm
I just said “awesome, thanks”, and they finally left.
I think that's the best approach. If you're friendly they can't label you as bitter or offended. Just keep thanking them but never committing to anything. When they pressure you to commit just say "no thanks." After I did that a few times they mostly left me alone until I started getting calls from the executive secretary for the new bishop asking me to meet with the bishop. I kept asking "what does he need to see me about?" until he finally said, "it's about a calling." I told him "tell the bishop that I consider it my only calling to sit next to my wife in sacrament meeting and I'm not accepting another." They have left me completely alone since then. Staying consistently uncooperative but friendly has put me in a place where I'm on great terms with the people in my ward but they don't expect anything from me. Of course, when there's a bishopric or EQ presidency turnover (or RS in your case) it might all start up again.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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FiveFingerMnemonic
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Re: I’m back - with more questions

Post by FiveFingerMnemonic » Thu Dec 13, 2018 1:30 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Somegirl wrote:
Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:39 pm
I just said “awesome, thanks”, and they finally left.
I think that's the best approach. If you're friendly they can't label you as bitter or offended. Just keep thanking them but never committing to anything. When they pressure you to commit just say "no thanks." After I did that a few times they mostly left me alone until I started getting calls from the executive secretary for the new bishop asking me to meet with the bishop. I kept asking "what does he need to see me about?" until he finally said, "it's about a calling." I told him "tell the bishop that I consider it my only calling to sit next to my wife in sacrament meeting and I'm not accepting another." They have left me completely alone since then. Staying consistently uncooperative but friendly has put me in a place where I'm on great terms with the people in my ward but they don't expect anything from me. Of course, when there's a bishopric or EQ presidency turnover (or RS in your case) it might all start up again.
I like this compassionate honesty approach. They can't label you an angry apostate this way. No feeding the rhetoric.

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Raylan Givens
Posts: 297
Joined: Sat Dec 17, 2016 12:09 am

Re: I’m back - with more questions

Post by Raylan Givens » Thu Dec 13, 2018 10:20 pm

The kind but honest approach works pretty well. "Thanks for the invite, but we won't attend," or "we aren't interested in attending." With lots of smiles and happy goodbyes.

We are left alone because we are scary. We have lots of friends in the ward and still hang out with them regularly. We aren't afraid to tell people what we think (in a kind, tactful way), who knows...maybe the fellowshipping will backfire. For a shinking ward like ours, that's no good.
"Ah, you know, I think you use the Bible to do whatever the hell you like" - Raylan Givens

Somegirl
Posts: 50
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 10:54 am

Re: I’m back - with more questions

Post by Somegirl » Fri Dec 14, 2018 8:18 am

Thanks for your responses everyone. It seems strange to me that for a long time nobody visited us. I believe the EQ president is our home teacher/ministering person. He’s never visited us. My next door neighbor (the other one) visits occasionally, but she always has and it never seems to be in the name of church. I feel like nothing has changed with her anyway, so that’s good. One of you mentioned something about a new bishopric or presidency. I was wondering if that was what prompted all of these visits... I just never thought there really was a “list”. I guess that’s because I’ve never been in any presidencies that would meet together like that.

I will continue to be polite, but I think we will also avoid visits for awhile. Sometimes I think that’s okay to hide when someone knocks 😜. I already told the bishop that I’m taking a break from church, if I have to, I’ll tell my pushy next door neighbor the same thing.

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IT_Veteran
Posts: 565
Joined: Wed Feb 21, 2018 2:36 pm
Location: California

Re: I’m back - with more questions

Post by IT_Veteran » Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:48 pm

Somegirl wrote:
Fri Dec 14, 2018 8:18 am
Thanks for your responses everyone. It seems strange to me that for a long time nobody visited us. I believe the EQ president is our home teacher/ministering person. He’s never visited us. My next door neighbor (the other one) visits occasionally, but she always has and it never seems to be in the name of church. I feel like nothing has changed with her anyway, so that’s good. One of you mentioned something about a new bishopric or presidency. I was wondering if that was what prompted all of these visits... I just never thought there really was a “list”. I guess that’s because I’ve never been in any presidencies that would meet together like that.

I will continue to be polite, but I think we will also avoid visits for awhile. Sometimes I think that’s okay to hide when someone knocks 😜. I already told the bishop that I’m taking a break from church, if I have to, I’ll tell my pushy next door neighbor the same thing.
Could definitely be because of the new bishop. He's running ward council now, very possibly with a mandate from the SP to find members to re-activate. The fact that you responded to his email may have prompted (ha!) him to tell the RSP to find you and bring you back.

It happens, especially with people that are new to callings. They believe they've been called by God to do amazing things in the ward and that reactivation of wayward members is foremost on their list.

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