Feeling anxious about new YM/YW announcement

[unsure23]

The church just announced that they're changing when youth move up https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/ ... qmCXF15nPw.

Our oldest child is on the autism spectrum (high functioning) and struggles with anxiety. He is turning 12 the last half of 2019. Now all of the sudden he will be eligible for the priesthood, worthiness interviews, and temple trips in 2 weeks (depending on our local rollout). I just saw this and I'm kind of freaking out.

Background on my son is that his anxiety leads to perfectionism, and he's really hard on himself. He's currently in therapy and we're working with the school on his needs. I'm nervous about worthiness interviews and him being extra hard on himself and thinking that if the bishop says something, that's what God thinks. I'm worried about bishops that don't understand anxiety and ASD. I'm worried because I thought I had more time to figure this stuff out. I had hoped that with therapy he'd be more ready for this.

My husband is still active and I support our kids going to church. I still attend church for my family, but am considering trying other churches starting sometime next year. I'm really trying to take things slowly for my family.

My husband and I have agreed that one of us will sit in on our kids interviews. We also agreed about talking with our bishop about our son prior to having any interviews, to explain his needs. I would also like to ask him to not ask the chastity question to my 12-year-old because that question shouldn't be asked to 12 year olds (but I don't really know how to do this).

Church is one of the few places my son has friends, and I don't want to have him feel left out not going along with his age group. However, this new announcement has thrown me and I feel unprepared. Thoughts? My husband and I have pretty good communication, and so we'll discuss this together, but I just feel thrown.

[MoPag]

Oh wow! So everything will happen in January of they year the kids turn 12, 14 or 16. Interesting.

I can see why you would be anxious. But it sounds like you are making smart decisions about keeping your kids safe. Good for you for planning on being in the interviews with them. If you feel like it's just too soon for all of this, then just tell them you will wait until he turns 12 for his ordination. Don't ask. Just tell them what you are going to do for your child.

And welcome to NOM

[Sheamus Moore]

Makes one wonder what motivated the change - other than the usual platitudes espoused in the opening sentences...

[græy]

Makes one wonder what motivated the change - other than the usual platitudes espoused in the opening sentences...

I really question how attending YW/YM and a Youth Sunday School class instead of primary a few months earlier (on average) will have any measurable impact strengthening youth and deepening their understanding of the gospel.

It does make things easier for primary, as there is now one less class to staff and maintain.

In the end, it feels like lowering the missionary age 18, which as we all know, has worked out wonderfully so far.

[dogbite]

Make it about what your son wants. Then you run intereference on the stuff the church puts in the way of that.

Mine didn't want the priesthood. Made it simple. But I had to cut off the activation efforts and similar group pressures.

In your case set it up that your rules supersede the claims of the church.
Perfection is within the family and your home, not the church. Also start to tease out for him that the church doesn't control god's forgiveness or acceptance, but only temporal worldly manifestations of that.

Pressures from your husband's expectations will likely be the harder thing to keep out of your son's life.

[græy]

Church is one of the few places my son has friends, and I don't want to have him feel left out not going along with his age group. However, this new announcement has thrown me and I feel unprepared. Thoughts? My husband and I have pretty good communication, and so we'll discuss this together, but I just feel thrown.

It sounds like you two are doing a good job working through this. Definitely let the bishop know of your concerns for your son's unique needs. As for the chastity question, being direct, clear, and polite is probably the best way to approach it. As a bishopric member I would be happy to honor parent's wishes, but I am also here on NOM and not all bishops want to give up their "power" to probe. If you're in the interviews with him you can support your son in answering (or not) any questions that you feel are necessary.

[slavereeno]

Welcome to NOM!

Sorry to hear you are feeling anxious. Sitting in on the interviews will help quite a bit, I think that is a wise move.

[Just This Guy]

On one hand this Makes some sense. I never understood the logic on how primary worked. A kid starts nursery at 18 month, but goes to sunbeams the January after they turn 3. Then each year they go though classes changing at the start of January each year. Then they have to wait until they turn 12 to go to YM/YW. No consistency and the Nursay thing can really make for problems for parents. Depending on when a kids birthday falls, you can have kids barely 3 going to sunbeams while others are stick there with kids much younger than they are until they are nearly 4. This was such a problem for my oldest that we talked to the bishop about moving him from Nursery early because with a February birthday, he was way older than the other toddlers in the class as was a constant distraction to everyone.

On the other end, you have basically the same problem with the older kids. by the time I was 10 I found the combined primary meetings juvenile. By 11, I despised combined primary and a September Birth date didn't help. It is even worse for the kids with a December birthday. Not only did they have to suffer through the combined meetings for longer, they also had almost no one left in their normal class by the end of the year.

YM wasn't too bad because everyone was the same basic age and there was a constant inflow and outflow of people, so class size was rather consistent.

I could see this being a major problem for bishops though. This means that they have to go through half the teens in the ward each December to interview them for advancement and have them done an ready by 12-31. In a younger ward, this will be a lot of interviews, on top of trying to get tithing settlement done and enjoy the holidays on top of all the other church work they have to do.


Unsure23, At the end of the day, the most important thing is your child. If he is not ready to move on, then that is your/his call, not the bishops. Remind the bishop of that.

[Red Ryder]

What is Nelson doing? Think of the 13 year olds affected by this Mormon Bomb!

Likewise, Mia Maids and teachers may attend dances and youth conferences before their 14th birthdays.

[wtfluff]

Makes one wonder what motivated the change - other than the usual platitudes espoused in the opening sentences...

What actually "motivated" it is intriguing. That first sentences is exactly like you said, but I think I'd call it BS.

But like Just This Guy mentioned: Socially it makes sense. Now the kids all get to "Graduate" at the same time and "move up" with the same kids they've been spending every Sunday with, instead of having to wait around for the their birthday.

It does make it difficult for the bishop though. End of year is bad enough for those guys with Tithing Shakedown, uh... I mean Tithing Settlement. Now they have a bunch more to do to prepare for January.

[Corsair]

Makes one wonder what motivated the change - other than the usual platitudes espoused in the opening sentences...

It gets all youth into the temple earlier for baptisms for the dead and fast tracks young men to be able to baptize other people in the temple. This is combined with an earlier age to bless the sacrament and participation as a Priest. All of this results in getting youth onto the "Covenant Path" a little bit earlier. Making and keeping temple covenants comes faster in this scenario.

The excitement of lowing the age for missionary service has worn off so now the church has to get teenagers and leaders excited about something new. As a result, I'm trying to imagine what "new" religious ritual could be advanced to keep youth in the church.

[2bizE]

Remember when the missionary age changed to 18. It was said, they would have a choice to go at 18 or choose to leave later, and all would be well in Zion. That didn’t work. Now, if you don’t get your mission call while you are still in high school you are seen as a schmuck.
Now, as parents we will have to decide whether to ordain our 11 year old or not or our 15 year old to become a priest. A new dimension of exclusivity and judging people is just around the corner.
Yeah us.

[Red Ryder]

This clearly has to correlate with the shear number of youth masturbating at earlier ages than in the past. Got to get them in for interviews!

Only in Mormonism can you remove 1 hour of bore and create a whirlwind of change and more to do!

2 Hour church = 29 more things to do + 35 changes to policy!!

[Red Ryder]

What's next?

Garments at 14?

[Red Ryder]

I realized I didn't respond to unsure23!

Welcome to NOM.

The FAQ's mention this:

However, being ordained to a priesthood office for young men and obtaining a limited-use temple recommend for young women and young men continue to be based on worthiness, readiness, and personal circumstances.

You and your husband can simply say your son is not ready due to his personal circumstances. There might be social consequences but you'll both have to weigh the benefits and consequences.

[RubinHighlander]

Little policy changes = big aggrandized revelations...ug

When are youth interviews held?
The bishop interviews each young woman (several months before her 15th birthday) when she completes Primary and moves to a new class. He interviews each young man when he completes Primary and when he moves to a new quorum and is ordained to a priesthood office. Youth who are 12 to 15 should meet with the bishop yearly and with one of his counselors at another time during the year. Youth 16 to 18 should typically meet with the bishop twice each year.

Italics added.

Makes me cringe...

[IT_Veteran]

We had to deal with this recently too. Not because of the age change obviously, but because I have a 13 yo daughter. We told her previously that she was not to be alone with any adult that isn't a parent. When she was offered a blessing she "forgot" and mom found her in a church classroom (at least it was one with a window) after meetings had concluded getting a blessing from one of the bishop's counselors. No other people were in the room with them. DW was livid, so I drafted this letter and we both signed it.

I'm not big on confrontation, so I write things that would otherwise require a difficult or intimidating conversation. We wanted to make absolutely clear that DD can't be alone with anyone *and* take the responsibility off of her shoulders, and place it on that of the adults where it belongs.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-bi ... sp=sharing

[Angel]

Little policy changes = big aggrandized revelations...ug

When are youth interviews held?
The bishop interviews each young woman (several months before her 15th birthday) when she completes Primary and moves to a new class. He interviews each young man when he completes Primary and when he moves to a new quorum and is ordained to a priesthood office. Youth who are 12 to 15 should meet with the bishop yearly and with one of his counselors at another time during the year. Youth 16 to 18 should typically meet with the bishop twice each year.

Italics added.

Makes me cringe...

Yes, old men will be taking young 11yo girls alone into their office to educate them about sex... makes me more than just cringe, absolutely sickening.
Trying to indoctrinate kids early and earlier before they are old enough to think for themselves.

[Angel]

We had to deal with this recently too. Not because of the age change obviously, but because I have a 13 yo daughter. We told her previously that she was not to be alone with any adult that isn't a parent. When she was offered a blessing she "forgot" and mom found her in a church classroom (at least it was one with a window) after meetings had concluded getting a blessing from one of the bishop's counselors. No other people were in the room with them. DW was livid, so I drafted this letter and we both signed it.

I'm not big on confrontation, so I write things that would otherwise require a difficult or intimidating conversation. We wanted to make absolutely clear that DD can't be alone with anyone *and* take the responsibility off of her shoulders, and place it on that of the adults where it belongs.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-bi ... sp=sharing

Wow - did you hand that letter out, not just to bishopric members, but to everyone working in the youth program? I added to our letter the need for all adults working with our child to be told "no one-on-one". Realistically, you have to let the entire ward know "no one-on-one with my kid".

They tried to interview my kid on a night that I work - proud of my little 13yo, she refused, and I got a phone call wanting to re-schedule. They had interviewed her previously, she shared she did not believe JS was a prophet - and they wanted to interview her again so she could "go on the temple trip"... I let them know her answers had not changed, and there was no need for any new interviews

I am skeptical of any "random" second adult attending - if they are not a licensed counselor, then that second person is going to be me. Sorry, I don't even trust two of them.

[Angel]

Makes one wonder what motivated the change - other than the usual platitudes espoused in the opening sentences...

The younger they are, the easier it is to indoctrinate them.