NOM

As some of you know I have had to choose between my marriage and rejoining the church (I know its sad) Met with the Sp yesterday to discuss my coming back a 1 hour meeting where I professed my new beliefs new mormonism etc etc he comes back with I want you to read the bom and pray with my wife if it's true !!! Come back in 30 days . Meanwhile I told him I haven't worked in 3 months still trying to find a job all family savings are gone I am about two months away from being homeless and starving !!!!!! What a bunch of BS f****ing BS . Just pay pray and obey !!! I need some support !! Considering ending it !!

What kind of work are you looking for?

Let's see if we can help. PM me if you would Iike me to review your resume and give suggestions.

Is your marriage worth this type of compromise?

I couldn't come back to my marriage, even if I wanted. The Church claims were too much for me to swallow--I would have needed to be a habitual liar to do it, and my ex required absolute allegiance.

Has the church offered to help you not starve? It doesn't surprise me that they would require your allegiance in order for you to receive help. There was a time in my past where church food mattered to me. I never received enough to justify the money I donated in tithes and offerings, but I was grateful at the time for the help I got.

In my mind, if I could associate with the saints and consider the church a "good place to help people"...then that would allow me to participate. But, if I have to "testify" to the truthfullness of the BoM,...that is too much. I think I could say that following many of the principles in the BoM has blessed my life,...but I couldn't say its true--as in authentic and all that.

Good luck with things Mackman. You are in a rough spot. Its heartbreaking to hear.

Mackman,

really really sorry to read this. Just plain sucks. I don't have answers but I can relate - more than I care to admit.

Similar to Red Ryder - feel free to PM me if you wish and I'll share my opinion regarding a resume presentation. Also, if you're in SLC or PHX area, I have a few contacts for employment in the construction and finance industries.

Don't give up yet. Whatever plan you made a few weeks ago, my advice is to stick with it for now. You've experienced a set back with the SP, but don't let it deter you. We all hit obstacles along the way, don't let a stupid SP or a {stupid} church have enough influence on your life to change your plans.

we're all pulling for you.

Mackman, can you post where you are and what field you work in? People here may be able to offer some help of we know where to start.

It is possible that an over zealous SP, bishop, friend, or other do-gooder will have the opposite effect for your wife. My husband is a believing TBM, but the more his over zealous TBM parents double down on orthodoxy, sing the praises of RMN, talk bad about other people, inactives, etc., and push their beliefs on others and on our children, the less inclined my husband is to value their insight and beliefs, which translates into him valuing (orthodox) Mormon beliefs less and less. Seeing orthodoxy on others can make it unappealing, even to believers.

It's terribly stupid and insensitive for the SP to push orthodoxy when you have temporal needs. Please reach out about work, resumes, your field, etc. You never know who and where a job opportunity may be lurking.

Dude! Part of the issues on my shelf were being unemployed for about 18 months during the last recession. It was a bitter pill because I was being faithful and had paid I-don't-want-to-know-how much tithing on my gross income all those years. It was a real kick in the balls blowing through all my savings and then to have my wife become unemployed. We went right to the edge before the tide finally turned. I'm still recovering from that mess, but I never felt like it was a test then I was blessed; I always felt like I never really saw any blessings from tithing. But it could have been worse, I could have been going through the faith crisis at the same time, so you have my deepest empathy!

I know it sucks big ones to have to put yourself under any church authority right now, but I suggest playing the game, lean on them and use the assistance; it's just survival mode. My mom feels guilty when her SS check doesn't cover her expenses and she leans on the local bishop and I convince her to use it because of all those year I paid that corporation all those dollars, use as much as you can with zero guilt!

Try to get out and take a hike in the mountains, take a few deep breaths of air there. Like others have mentioned here, I'm happy to help you review the resume and put in the right wording there. If you are in LinkedIN, send me a connection request:
www.linkedin.com/in/maxmcgregorut

If you are not on LinkedIN - that's a good place to start building a network.

On the bright side, the economy is doing pretty well and there should be more opportunity out there right now. We won't judge, many of us here have been through crap like this and know how heavy the burden can feel. Let us help you!

I am in Michigan halfway between lansing and Grand Rapids. Looking for factory work . Thanks. God Bless all. I feel very alone except for you guys.

Mackman wrote: ↑

Mon Dec 17, 2018 2:57 pm

I am in Michigan halfway between lansing and Grand Rapids. Looking for factory work . Thanks. God Bless all. I feel very alone except for you guys.

Are you in a position to relocate if needed for a job? And what type of factory work?

Seems that you have three separate issues here, marriage, church, and job. Solving all of this at once sound like a challenge. Can you focus on just one of these at a time? Which is the most critical issue right now?

Wow that really sucks Mackman, that is so incredibly effed up! Is that what Jesus would do? Hand out ultimatums like that?

Salvation army and others are better at giving without strings attached. Consider food stamps, welfare and other state social programs until you are on your feet. There is no shame in putting your primary needs first. Best of luck.

Mackman wrote: ↑

Mon Dec 17, 2018 2:57 pm

I am in Michigan halfway between lansing and Grand Rapids. Looking for factory work . Thanks. God Bless all. I feel very alone except for you guys.

I went on a mission there (Michigan) a whole lotta years ago. First area was Grand Rapids, then Jackson, then Parchment (suburb of Kalamazoo, for those who don't know Michigan well enough). It's nice to meet someone from the state.

Update. Just got a job today start this evening and have a chance for a better job soon!!!! Thanks for the support I was very down and out the other day. My BP called and we are getting emergency groceries today. I decided I am just going to play the game rejoin and follow the example of Corsair !!!! He is the best at playing the game living in the middle . I love all of you , it's great to have people to turn to who understand , even a couple of noms in michigan I didn't think any were left in the state. I really sympathize with all those who live in the morridor that must be tough. God bless to all. Merry Christmas.

Excellent news Mack!

Mackman wrote: ↑

Wed Dec 19, 2018 8:06 am

Update. Just got a job today start this evening and have a chance for a better job soon!!!!

Great news Mackman! Good luck with this new start!

I've been though an extended layoff myself, so I know how frustrating it is. Probably on of the best Christmas presents possible. Congrats on the new Job!!!

Best of luck to you.

Congrats on the job brother. Condolences on the long game in the middle. Many of us are there with you. One thing it took me some time to realize and come to grips with is that despite "truth", etc... is that we dont get to choose how others respond to our commitment to the "gospel".

We can claim our own authority and live our truth, but we dont get to enforce acceptance by our loved ones.

Corsair is a great example of this. I am a poor man's version of Corsair. I am not committed to the long game, but the short term is bearable for now.

Aw! So happy to hear this update! Congrats!

Mackman wrote: ↑

Wed Dec 19, 2018 8:06 am

Update. Just got a job today start this evening and have a chance for a better job soon!!!! Thanks for the support I was very down and out the other day. My BP called and we are getting emergency groceries today. I decided I am just going to play the game rejoin and follow the example of Corsair !!!! He is the best at playing the game living in the middle.

This is great that employment has come through. That's a huge part of sense of self-worth for a husband and father. I have been in that situation and it's not fun to have close family members tell you that you would be blessed by simply returning to full belief.

However, please realize that my "middle way" is filled with blatant cynicism, negligence in callings, and a lot of blatant lying in matters of tithing. It has certainly built my disdain for the institutional church. Plus, I have to hide my coffee habit. It's an emotional burden for me to attend church, especially for certain topics in Gospel Doctrine.

In particular, I know it grates on my wife. Recently I was asked to speak in church and included quite a few doctrinal time bombs for anyone who looked closely. But, in my humble(?) opinion, it also had a very solid Christ centered message on dealing with adversity. I got a lot of compliments on the talk. One guy in my ward asked to have a copy of my talk so he could talk to his own children and helping them deal with the tragic death of their brother(!).

I'm telling you this because other ward members came up to my wife to tell her how much they enjoyed my talk. She put on a happy face, but now has some new fears about the fallout in this ward if I ever go public with my disaffection. She is concerned that I will unintentionally drag other members out with me. Good luck going with any type of Middle Way Mormonism that looks like the exploitive way that I attend church.

Thanks Cosair , I realize how difficult the middle way can be and like you have lived it for a long time including a coffee habit. Church is true web site has helped me a lot as does the book Planted by Patrick Mason . I am resigned to playing the game for the rest of my life or until my TBM wife's shelf breaks if it ever does. I admire the way you play the middle way. God Bless & Merry Christmas .