In which I was voluntold

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Thoughtful
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In which I was voluntold

Post by Thoughtful » Wed Dec 19, 2018 8:35 pm

That 3 ladies from the ward are having a girls night with me on Saturday.

2 are sorta friends.

1 is an employee of a company that I recently provided something of an audit ssessment of their work, her work in particular being a potential legal issue for the folks that hired me to do the audit. She doesn't know the assessment results yet, and they aren't great. The folks that commissioned me are treading very lightly here.

I politely declined the party, citing Christmas being Tuesday and I'm a mom so I'm in charge of last minute stuff.

They volunteered to send their kids to get Christmas ready for me so I can go. Because why wouldn't I want my beautiful, traditional, family holiday to be spearheaded by clueless teens that do not care? And instead of wrapping gifts with my own teens, drinking glogg with my Spouseman, and ignoring the Mormon church?

But, but, but--I'm the only one that can french braid so I simply must come!

You don't say? As a 30 something woman I'm in dire need of a glorified teenage hair sleepover that doesn't interest me at all? One that represents a significant professional conflict of interest? On a holiday weekend? THE holiday weekend?

But it's all totally just for fun and certainly not some kind of back door ministering attempt. Don't kid yourself.

Anon70
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Anon70 » Wed Dec 19, 2018 9:13 pm

....are you going? I’m with you-a big nope to all of it.

Are you suspicious that their motives are to get intel on the audit?

Wonderment
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Wonderment » Wed Dec 19, 2018 10:13 pm

This has happened to me, and what I did was to turn the tables on them by using the "spiritual angle." I told them that family time was more important than anything else, especially so close to Christmas, and I chose to spend the time with the family in order to reflect on "the meaning of the spirit in Christmas and the spirit in our family, etc." Turn the tables on them by appearing to be more spiritual than they are, and they will back off. Tell them that you want to spend the days just before Christmas with your loved ones, in reflection and prayer as we anticipate the birth of the Christ child." .... "I promised Heavenly Father that I would finish re-reading the BOM before the end of the year, as the Prophet instructed," yada, yada. Tell them, "It's all about family" and so forth. If they are really friends, then they will postpone it until another time.

Pull the "Mormon Mommy" thing on them "My place is quietly in the home, obediently serving my loved ones". (Really, how can they argue against that?) Most TBM's cannot reply very well when you pull super-spiritual Mormon Mommy on them. They're stuck for an answer.
Remember, YOU decide how to spend your time -- not them. Don't let them guilt you by saying that only you know how to do French braids, and so forth. That information is widely available on the internet.
Don't allow yourself to be turned into a "project" for re-activation, 3 days before Christmas, or to be guilted into giving out confidential information on the audit. JMO -- Wndr.

Wonderment
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Wonderment » Wed Dec 19, 2018 10:26 pm

P.S. Maybe better yet, just practice saying, "No, thanks. That doesn't interest me. No, no, no, thanks. Thanks, but no. Etc. ( Just like turning away the eager 18 year old missionaries when they show up at your front door). :D - Wndr.

Thoughtful
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Thoughtful » Wed Dec 19, 2018 10:59 pm

Anon70 wrote:
Wed Dec 19, 2018 9:13 pm
....are you going? I’m with you-a big nope to all of it.

Are you suspicious that their motives are to get intel on the audit?
Oh definitely not going. It would be an absolutely stupid move to go professionally speaking, and even without the audit, I have zero desire to engage with this.

No, they aren't aware of the audit, they aren't that metacognitive. I'm suspicious it's an attempt at a love bomb. But it also makes it so clear they don't know me at all, nor do they care. They assume that because I have xx chromosomes, of course I'd be game for their activity.

Mormonism loves to pretend adults are children. So they assume that of course I'd love a pajama party, because as a Mormon woman who couldn't love Jane Austen, hair braiding, and pretending to be 12? Oh maybe we can decorate cookies too and drink martinellis and do pretend toasts? All the eyerolls.

I'm on a brilliant but hectic career trajectory at the moment. My big stress is that I haven't had time to focus much on holiday music with my family. Then if that's done and if I had a few free hours, I'd spend it in a bath with a Ramachandran book, a box of wine, and my phone on silent in the other room, or maybe I'd spend it on the phone with my 90 year old grandmother.

They are not even on my wavelength, you know?

Thoughtful
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Thoughtful » Wed Dec 19, 2018 11:01 pm

Wonderment wrote:
Wed Dec 19, 2018 10:26 pm
P.S. Maybe better yet, just practice saying, "No, thanks. That doesn't interest me. No, no, no, thanks. Thanks, but no. Etc. ( Just like turning away the eager 18 year old missionaries when they show up at your front door). :D - Wndr.
I'm so not even the no thank you type. It was more like, "[laughs] yeah... no. Not doing that on the Saturday before Christmas. But have fun!"

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Just This Guy
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Just This Guy » Thu Dec 20, 2018 5:47 am

Or you could turn it around and go full heretic on them and do everything possible to make it uncomfortable for them.

"That sounds like SOOO much fun. A girls night out. We can do wine and memosas and Margarettas! Let's get some male strippers while we are at it. I know some great ones that we could get. Can you supply the champagne and tequila?"
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

Thoughtful
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Thoughtful » Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:08 pm

Just This Guy wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 5:47 am
Or you could turn it around and go full heretic on them and do everything possible to make it uncomfortable for them.

"That sounds like SOOO much fun. A girls night out. We can do wine and memosas and Margarettas! Let's get some male strippers while we are at it. I know some great ones that we could get. Can you supply the champagne and tequila?"
Soooo tempting.


Still hounding me for a commitment so I texted saying very firmly I'm not going but thank you for thinking of me. So polite verbal decline not listened to, "yeah not gonna" not listened to. No response to the text. But if they keep bugging, margaritas is the next offer!

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Random
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Random » Fri Dec 21, 2018 10:35 am

Wow, that's some heavy-handed "invite" Thoughtful! Like you have no choice but to say yes. Kudos to you for not buying into the "I've gotta do it because someone expects me to," thought process.

They volunteered to send their kids to get Christmas ready for me so I can go. Because why wouldn't I want my beautiful, traditional, family holiday to be spearheaded by clueless teens that do not care?
This reminds me of when I moved about eight years ago. The Elders' Quorum prez I think it was was trying to get people to come help out. I refused, and he wouldn't take no for an answer, insisting that I at least allow him and his family to help. Finally, I said okay, they could help by cleaning up the trash left in the living room. What ended up happening was that I caught one of the sons bringing a box of trash to the trailer so we could take it with us. After we moved, I found another box of trash that I had not caught (and I know my kids would not have packed it). It was like they were determined to help us pack the trailer even though I'd said no, and had no clue what was trash and what wasn't.

Saying no all the way to the end wouldn't have worked because they were going to show up anyway, and I had no idea how to make them go away if they showed up. That's why I finally said yes. Luckily, you're in a position to prevent them from kidnapping you if they happen to show up.
There are 2 Gods. One who created us. The other you created. The God you made up is just like you-thrives on flattery-makes you live in fear.

Believe in the God who created us. And the God you created should be abolished.
PK

Thoughtful
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Thoughtful » Sat Dec 22, 2018 10:15 am

Random wrote:
Fri Dec 21, 2018 10:35 am
Wow, that's some heavy-handed "invite" Thoughtful! Like you have no choice but to say yes. Kudos to you for not buying into the "I've gotta do it because someone expects me to," thought process.

They volunteered to send their kids to get Christmas ready for me so I can go. Because why wouldn't I want my beautiful, traditional, family holiday to be spearheaded by clueless teens that do not care?
This reminds me of when I moved about eight years ago. The Elders' Quorum prez I think it was was trying to get people to come help out. I refused, and he wouldn't take no for an answer, insisting that I at least allow him and his family to help. Finally, I said okay, they could help by cleaning up the trash left in the living room. What ended up happening was that I caught one of the sons bringing a box of trash to the trailer so we could take it with us. After we moved, I found another box of trash that I had not caught (and I know my kids would not have packed it). It was like they were determined to help us pack the trailer even though I'd said no, and had no clue what was trash and what wasn't.

Saying no all the way to the end wouldn't have worked because they were going to show up anyway, and I had no idea how to make them go away if they showed up. That's why I finally said yes. Luckily, you're in a position to prevent them from kidnapping you if they happen to show up.
And this is one of the largest problems with mormonism: people feel they have a right and an ability to know what you need and what is best for you, and that they can know better than you do what that is. Then they can dive in and implement their fantasy and others are supposed up be grateful for the inconvenience and audacity.

Somegirl
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Somegirl » Sat Dec 22, 2018 9:02 pm

This sounds like torture to me. I guess some people enjoy social events with people they don’t know well, but I’m not one of those people. My neighbor keeps inviting me to RS activities, and so far I’ve been able to politely decline, but I don’t know how I would respond if she got pushy like these ladies are to you. I would possibly get snippy. Good for you for standing your ground!

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2bizE
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by 2bizE » Sat Dec 22, 2018 10:07 pm

This sounds awful. I would give them all sorts of excuses and say no.

You could say, if I do come can I bring the alcohol and marijuana?

I can’t come, I’m still being treated for [some infectious disease]
~2bizE

Thoughtful
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Thoughtful » Sat Dec 22, 2018 11:18 pm

Somegirl wrote:
Sat Dec 22, 2018 9:02 pm
This sounds like torture to me. I guess some people enjoy social events with people they don’t know well, but I’m not one of those people. My neighbor keeps inviting me to RS activities, and so far I’ve been able to politely decline, but I don’t know how I would respond if she got pushy like these ladies are to you. I would possibly get snippy. Good for you for standing your ground!
Thank you!

Thoughtful
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Thoughtful » Sat Dec 22, 2018 11:19 pm

2bizE wrote:
Sat Dec 22, 2018 10:07 pm
This sounds awful. I would give them all sorts of excuses and say no.

You could say, if I do come can I bring the alcohol and marijuana?

I can’t come, I’m still being treated for [some infectious disease]

Thank goodness they did not show up!

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Random
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Random » Sat Dec 29, 2018 8:25 pm

Thoughtful wrote:
Sat Dec 22, 2018 10:15 am
And this is one of the largest problems with mormonism: people feel they have a right and an ability to know what you need and what is best for you, and that they can know better than you do what that is. Then they can dive in and implement their fantasy and others are supposed up be grateful for the inconvenience and audacity.
Yep. Image
There are 2 Gods. One who created us. The other you created. The God you made up is just like you-thrives on flattery-makes you live in fear.

Believe in the God who created us. And the God you created should be abolished.
PK

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Random
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Re: In which I was voluntold

Post by Random » Sat Dec 29, 2018 8:29 pm

Blashyrkh wrote:
Sun Dec 23, 2018 6:38 am
I will reiterate what has already been said. "No," is one of the most beautiful and underappreciated words ever. My wife was having major anxiety about this and that and the other because she never felt like she could tell others "no!" Once she did, she felt as though a huge burden had been lifted off of her shoulders.
Yep. Very difficult to do if you've been trained to always say yes (and I think women are trained to do it even more than men, in LDS society, though men are always supposed to say yes to their "superiors"). Realizing you can say no without being damned forever (and not caring what people say about you) can be the lifting of a huge burden all right.
There are 2 Gods. One who created us. The other you created. The God you made up is just like you-thrives on flattery-makes you live in fear.

Believe in the God who created us. And the God you created should be abolished.
PK

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