Struggling...A Lot

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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crazyhamster
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Re: Struggling...A Lot

Post by crazyhamster » Thu Jan 03, 2019 6:28 am

Hagoth wrote:
Tue Jan 01, 2019 12:03 pm
crazyhamster wrote:
Tue Jan 01, 2019 5:20 am
First, I can tell you from having been there depression-wise, it WILL get better. Please don’t do anything drastic. Second, as soon as possible seek help, even if it is simply one of the crisis support lines.

I’ll echo those above in encouraging you to also seek some therapy, both for yourself and with your marriage, and in not worrying about what the church thinks. It is clearly causing you great distress and it’s time to make some changes. I also know from experience that resolving that cognitive dissonance is a great relief. It’s time to think about you, not others at this time.

Finally, please post again here to let us know you’re okay!
We don't hear from you enough, hamster!
I’ll try harder this year!

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Linked
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Re: Struggling...A Lot

Post by Linked » Thu Jan 03, 2019 9:29 am

DT, I'm a little late to the post, but I just wanted to let you know I am sorry you are here. Your comments resonated deeply with me, I am in a similar rut right now.

I laid it all out in front of a close friend a couple days ago. Just stating how awful I felt things were has helped me to see that while things are that bad, maybe it's not that bad.

If you are in the Morcor and need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

And if anyone knows any good personal therapists near SLC, I could use a recommendation...
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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MerrieMiss
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Re: Struggling...A Lot

Post by MerrieMiss » Thu Jan 03, 2019 11:13 am

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Going through a faith transition is terrible for one's health and I struggle with a lot of the same issues you mentioned. I'll commiserate about an unempathetic spouse - mine simply can't understand why I've internalized Mormonism and just tells me I'm thinking too hard. Sometimes I feel like the long game or middle way just drags out the pain. I was just thinking yesterday that my entire thirties were a bust - a whole decade I would just as soon forget.

Find some help if you can, give yourself permission to say no to the calling if necessary, ditch church once in a while (I personally look forward to being sick or having sick kids on the weekends - how backwards is that?), reach out here. Please take care of yourself.
The true opposite of order is not disorder but freedom. Most profoundly, the true opposite of control is not chaos but self-control. -Jay Griffiths

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Hermey
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Re: Struggling...A Lot

Post by Hermey » Thu Jan 03, 2019 11:28 am

Linked wrote:
Thu Jan 03, 2019 9:29 am
And if anyone knows any good personal therapists near SLC, I could use a recommendation...
Dr. Veon Smith.
http://jvcounseling.com


He's fantastic!

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Deepthinker
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Re: Struggling...A Lot

Post by Deepthinker » Sun Jan 06, 2019 7:44 am

Wow! So many wonderful responses! Thank you so much everyone, it means a lot to me. I don't have time to respond to all of them right now, but just checking in to say I'm doing OK. I'm meeting with the bishop next Sunday and will be brief about needing to be released. Today will likely be my last lesson. Yay!

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hmb
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Re: Struggling...A Lot

Post by hmb » Sun Jan 06, 2019 8:50 am

Deepthinker wrote:
Sun Jan 06, 2019 7:44 am
Wow! So many wonderful responses! Thank you so much everyone, it means a lot to me. I don't have time to respond to all of them right now, but just checking in to say I'm doing OK. I'm meeting with the bishop next Sunday and will be brief about needing to be released. Today will likely be my last lesson. Yay!
Awesome. Sounds like a great weight is already lifted.

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Deepthinker
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Re: Struggling...A Lot

Post by Deepthinker » Wed Jan 16, 2019 5:00 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Sun Dec 30, 2018 6:00 pm
DT, obviously your wife doesn't understand that you are REALLY having suicidal ideation. I think you need to see a therapist so you can get some clinical validity for her to consider. It might help her understand that this is the real sh*t. Do you think she would shrug it off if it was made clear to her that death might be a more attractive option to you than playing pretend Mormon?

Do you have a health plan that will cover counseling? If not, maybe the shock of therapy bills will help her sit up and notice.

Maybe you've been covering up your angst too much trying to fit in and be a good boy? Does she have any idea of the degree of torture and lonliness that comes with a faith crisis and efforts at faking-until-making?

Pleasing the church and its adherents is not worth trading your mental health for. Please get some help.
Thanks Hagoth,

Yes, I've been seeing a counselor, it has helped some. I just think I'm ready to transition out now.

My wife does understand it, that's what makes it hurt even more. She says I should just get on some anti-depressants. :(

She still blames our son coming home early from his mission because he looked at porn, not because he was having suicidal thoughts.

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Deepthinker
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Re: Struggling...A Lot

Post by Deepthinker » Wed Jan 16, 2019 5:02 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Dec 31, 2018 11:06 am
Deepthinker wrote:I'm ready to meet with our bishop, tell him where I am, but I'm not sure exactly what to say. I want to do things in the best way possible, so I could use all of your advice. I'm thinking of sending an email to just close family, a brief and concise email, just so they know.
DT, you have a tendency to overthink this as evidenced by your statement "I want to do things in the best way possible". Here's the thing.

There is no best way possible!.

Just be honest with everyone and ask for their support. Then do what you have to do. It's going to be hard and tough, but look at where you're currently at? It can't be worse than now? Your mind and body are telling you to quit living with this toxic duplicity. It's clearly time to act and move forward without the church in your life.

What's the worst that will happen? People will adjust and move on. I've seen it in my own family when my brother sent out an email saying they quit being Mormons. Everyone was shocked but everyone has accepted it.

In regards to meeting with your Bishop, I think you can easily step away from the church for a time by explaining exactly what you have told us. Keep it simple and don't get into the details of your faith/unbelief. Simply tell him you are taking a break to work on your mental health.

You don't owe anyone anything more than that. You owe yourself the right to take a break while you get healthy.
Again, RR, your post was very helpful. You hit it right on, I am an engineer and I overthink everything. I have stopped thinking about the best way possible now. I just want to be done. I'm meeting with our bishop tonight, will return and report.

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græy
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Re: Struggling...A Lot

Post by græy » Thu Jan 17, 2019 12:13 pm

Deepthinker wrote:
Wed Jan 16, 2019 5:02 pm
Again, RR, your post was very helpful. You hit it right on, I am an engineer and I overthink everything. I have stopped thinking about the best way possible now. I just want to be done. I'm meeting with our bishop tonight, will return and report.
Hey Deepthinker, I have ready your other thread and it sounds like things went well with you bishop. I'm really happy to hear that things are looking up for you.

I am also an engineer, and suffer from the same curse of overthinking things. I have spreadsheets upon spreadsheets tracking all kinds of unnecessary detail about my life. I use them to generate statistics and over-analyze it all. It gets to be... overwhelming, and yet so hard to let go. Red Ryder's advice is spot on!

I've got nothing else to add. I just hope you know you're not alone. And I hope today is a brighter day for you!
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

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Linked
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Re: Struggling...A Lot

Post by Linked » Thu Jan 17, 2019 4:04 pm

græy wrote:
Thu Jan 17, 2019 12:13 pm
Deepthinker wrote:
Wed Jan 16, 2019 5:02 pm
Again, RR, your post was very helpful. You hit it right on, I am an engineer and I overthink everything. I have stopped thinking about the best way possible now. I just want to be done. I'm meeting with our bishop tonight, will return and report.
Hey Deepthinker, I have ready your other thread and it sounds like things went well with you bishop. I'm really happy to hear that things are looking up for you.

I am also an engineer, and suffer from the same curse of overthinking things. I have spreadsheets upon spreadsheets tracking all kinds of unnecessary detail about my life. I use them to generate statistics and over-analyze it all. It gets to be... overwhelming, and yet so hard to let go. Red Ryder's advice is spot on!

I've got nothing else to add. I just hope you know you're not alone. And I hope today is a brighter day for you!
Me 3. I'm an engineer and a spreadsheet maker. I read about maximizers vs satisficers and it has helped me try to avoid some of the pitfalls of overthinking. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... maximizing
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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