Ward Conference is now a Dystopian Future

[Linked]

I was blessed with the opportunity to participate in ward conference last weekend. TBM Linked didn't mind ward conference; it was basically normal church with more hand raising and better speakers in sacrament meeting. Current Linked had alarm bells going off in his head the whole time.

The first sign of ward conference was the 3 middle-aged women that I didn't recognize sitting together looking like the epitome of TBMs. Then I noticed a few more threesomes of middle-aged men and women scattered throughout the congregation. Very soon after, I see that our usual pew next to the wall is taken, so we will have to sit in the middle. Oh, and then I noticed the stake presidency sitting on the stand. Definitely ward conference. The stake leaders invading our ward used to be a neutral event, but now it puts me on high alert. It feels like they are here to make sure no one is stepping out of line.

Then the mockery of democracy that is sustaining our leaders, where only voting yes counts and voting no gets you on the naughty list. My 7 year old asked what happens if someone votes no, and I told him that nothing different happens. Then he asked what happens if EVERYONE votes no, and I told him that nothing different happens. He asked why we do it then, and I told him I'm not sure why we do it, because I can't tell him that it's a loyalty test and way to make members feel obligated to do what they're told in the middle of sacrament meeting.

Finally we got to endure a thick helping of pre-guilting members over not using their extra free hour from 2-hour church properly. Apparently it is not to be used for football watching or sleeping. I expect these guilting talks will fade away as 2-hour church becomes the new normal, but for now it is getting laid on thick. It's amusing how the church leadership frames 2-hour church as members getting an extra hour which should be devoted to what leadership tells members to do, when really members are still giving the church 2 hours of their time. Unfortunately the church leaders have very effectively made members feel like their time isn't their own.

At least church is only 2 hours now.

[slavereeno]

Yuck, I forgot about Ward Conference, ours will be coming up soon. I went to a farewell for a nephew. Lots of virtue signaling going on in the talks.

[Corsair]

We have Ward Conference next month. In a hilarious irony, it is the day after I attend Sunstone Phoenix (February 9. Come join me!).

I have overtly discarded so much LDS guilt, but that mostly makes ward conference into a slightly better brand of boring. Urging us to use that extra free Sabbath time towards LDS devotion is anticipated.

I also am a friend of my stake president, a man who has dealt with several high profile cases of apostasy in our stake. It has been interesting to see his focus somewhat turn to personal spirituality rather than the kind of guilt laden rhetoric on display from Elder Renlund the other night. For example, my stake recently had a "youth standards night" for the Young Men. I attended because I am in a YM presidency and I was interested to see what kind of awkward condemnation of moral issues would be on display. I'm kind of a masochist.

But, I was pleasantly surprised that it was about basic spirituality and preparing for becoming a productive adult. The word "porn" was not mentioned nor any references to masturbation. "Internet" was only mentioned as something to use wisely within rather broad guidelines. Missionary service was mentioned but not as prominently as I anticipated. It was oddly refreshing to hear the focus of my stake president to be about growing into effective adult men that follow Jesus. 80% of the content would have been OK in any Christian church.

I came away with more hope for the LDS church than I had in a long time. Then I attended general conference and I remembered all the reasons why my long standing preference for indifference is the way to go. We'll see how this upcoming February ward conference goes.

[nibbler]

Finally we got to endure a thick helping of pre-guilting members over not using their extra free hour from 2-hour church properly. Apparently it is not to be used for football watching or sleeping. I expect these guilting talks will fade away as 2-hour church becomes the new normal, but for now it is getting laid on thick. It's amusing how the church leadership frames 2-hour church as members getting an extra hour which should be devoted to what leadership tells members to do, when really members are still giving the church 2 hours of their time. Unfortunately the church leaders have very effectively made members feel like their time isn't their own.

I've got the expectation that we'll get the guilting you over home study lessons once every 3 or 4 months and it will go on for several years if not much, much longer.

The one thing we have going for us that might disrupt that plan is 2 hour church. In the past we had 3 hours to fill. There are a dozen topics at most at church, so it was always a struggle to know how to fill 3 hours every single week.

What do we talk about for 3 hours?
I don't know, let's have another lesson on doing home teaching (or ministering).
Let's talk about missionary work (hasten the work).
Let's do a high level retelling of the restoration narrative. We can ask questions like, "Who appeared in Joseph Smith's bedroom?" "How many times?" So whoever answers correctly can get a gold star.
We already talked about those things three times this month, what else do we got?
Uh... dust off a priesthood keys lesson. You know, the one where we try to look big by asking people what priesthood keys are and then pretending everyone's answers are terrible and that we'll clue the wayward souls in with our correct answer after we let them dangle on the line a little?

I think we'll still struggle to know how to fill the two hours, especially on 4th Sunday PH/RS and on 5th Sunday and my prediction is that they'll work this into regular rotation: