NOM

For those of you following recent events about my meeting with our bishop last week, I just received the following text from him:

"Could you help us for a couple of weeks with scouts for the 12 year olds while we figure out who to call there? Also, I've been praying for you."

Help me respond! I just want to slowly fade at this point. I want to tell him I no longer want to try, but have told him last week that I need a break from callings.

"I'm sorry, Bishop, but I have to take care of my health. I have to put my own health and my family first."

Without your health, you have nothing. You can't take care of your family without your health. Even the Church teaches this principle.

Stop telling him anything. He's just going to string you along. You've told him your done so be done talking to him about it.

If you want to do scouts then say yes to 3 or 4 weeks. Give him exactly the time your willing to help out. It's not like this is a super technical thing they need to do. NFL coaches have been hired in less time with millions of dollars at risk. This is church, call the old guy that love scouts or the newly wed guy that doesn't have kids. It's not that difficult and shouldn't take weeks.

If you don't want to do scouts then just text back "I don't think it's the right calling for me."

If it helps you can copy and paste that into your phone then hit send! It's that simple.

Now turn off the church overthinking button!

Slow fade means to say no now, so you can slip out the back door later!

Have you ever seen someone's mental heaith improve while corraling12 year olds?

I'm sorry, Bishop, but I have to take care of my health. I have to put my own health and my family first."

Without your health, you have nothing. You can't take care of your family without your health. Even the Church teaches this principle.

You just told the bishop last week that you needed to be released from callings in order to take care of your health, and now he wants you to take a calling "for just a couple of weeks". Um, no, I don't think so. "Thanks for the prayers, bishop, but as I was saying, I do need a break to take care of my health."

Just say no. Several years ago I asked to be released as a VT, and said I did not want to be visit taught. I gave being in school and busy with my kids as the reason. About 6 months later the RS pres, who I consider a genuine friend, emailed and said “Just wanted to know if yoi are ready to start VTing again, or we would at least like to give you VTers.” I simply responded with the words “no thank you.” Nothing more, no signature, small talk, excuses, nothing. They haven’t asked again since then.

Send this:
“Bishop, thank you for the prayers. As per our conversation, I will not be accepting callings/assignments at this time.”

That’s it. It is rude and pushy of him to send that text RIGHT AFTER you opened up about your battle w/ depression and struggles with your faith. Send the msg above or one like it, and if anyone from the ward asks again, simply delete and ignore them.

Ah, the Scouts calling. He's attempting to manipulate you with that one. Just.say.no. It's a complete sentence.

Bishop, thank you for your email. Apparently my attempt at polite did not work. Now I will try blunt...No! Please don't ask me again and force me to resort to rude.

"I am sorry I won't be able to help you with the scouts. Thank you for the prayers."

If I remember correctly, you asked for a break. This is your bishop testing that boundary you established. A polite, "No thanks." is in order. You could even sugar coat it to help the medicine go down, "Thanks for thinking about me, but I'm not interested in taking on any assignments right now." Maybe toss in a, "I'll let you know when I'm ready." to keep the conversation from reoccurring every two weeks.

Going light on details, I've asked for a break from callings in the past and it didn't go over so well. In stepping back into local leader's shoes, I think they genuinely feel that having an assignment or calling is something that I need, whether I recognize that or not. They're following GBH's mindset of every member needing three things, "a friend, a responsibility, and nurturing with ‘the good word of God’" From their perspective they are helping me.

And I remind myself that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The spirit of fellowship is strong, I commend them for that. It's just that I don't think we know how to best channel that spirit. We're very practiced at molding members to fit the programs of the church but we don't seem to have any experience tailoring the church experience to the needs of the individual.

I've been at the game of maintaining boundaries at church for many years now, and it's wearing. The expectation to participate in all programs has too much momentum. I've found it's a constant battle and any boundary maintenance causes people to keep you at arms distance, even from the things that you actually would like to do.

We don't like "choose your adventure" at church. It's more, "This is your adventure. These are your goals. How are you doing in achieving those goals? Do better."

Register his number on your phone as spam. That will block further texts from him. It can be now and then you claim you never for any message from him, or after you reply to prevent him from coming back to try something else. Also a preemptive block on Facebook may be in order.

As others have mentioned, a nice "No Thanks" is probably in order.

Also as others have mentioned if you do accept, give him a time frame. "A couple weeks" is two weeks in my Fluffy brain, so my reply would be: I will help out on (give the weekday dates of the two "weeks" you will help out.) Since he only mentioned "Scouts" make sure that you only do "Scouts." Show up on the weekdays to "help" but don't get sucked into Sunday meetings and helping out in "Deacons Quorum." That's different than "Scouts."

Or don't respond at all. But sometimes they interpret no response as acceptance. "He didn't say no..."

Lots of good advice. I would send something like, "Sorry to hear you are in a bind with the scouts, but like we discussed I am not available to help. Thank you for thinking of me."

Why do leaders in the Church have such issues with boundaries? You were clear about resigning from your calling, that should have been the end of it. But no, leaders have to come bumbling in trying to keep you in the Church by giving you callings, even if they are "temporary".

Why is just leaving people alone so hard for them? Oh, I know, because the Church has no respect for members, and what members want is of no concern to it.

Yeah, I would have to agree with all that has been said here, the bishop is "testing the fences" to do his best to draw you back in. If he can get you to accept a "Temporary" calling, then if he can get you to admit it wasn't that bad, and could you please just stay on as an "extra" then drop the extra status on the calling, and so on.

Did you get a chance to respond yet? I think I would do something simple like: Thanks for thinking of and praying for me. I’m not up to participating with the scouts at this time.

I just had to send something similar to the RS pres about ministering. She was very polite back and wished me a happy new year.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑

Tue Jan 22, 2019 5:20 pm

He's just going to string you along.

Most likely.

Sometimes you have to practice being a broken record (for anyone too young to remember these, they were black round discs with songs on them. Sometimes, they'd get scratched and repeat the same few words (or word) over and over again, and the term "broken record" refers to that). No further explanations. Just "no" "no" "no" Even to the point of ignoring him if need be.

I know it puts him in a difficult spot if he has zero people to help with the scouts, but if your health is suffering (and it is), you have the right to say no. Actually, since it's a volunteer organization, you have the right to say no with no reason. You have the right to refuse any calling. Any calling you have may be used against . . . wait a minute. Something's not right here.

slavereeno wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 23, 2019 3:22 pm

Yeah, I would have to agree with all that has been said here, the bishop is "testing the fences" to do his best to draw you back in. If he can get you to accept a "Temporary" calling, then if he can get you to admit it wasn't that bad, and could you please just stay on as an "extra" then drop the extra status on the calling, and so on.

Obviously, I don't know if it is true, but a similar thought occurred to me. I've seen it happen, though I don't know if it was by design or negligence that people who had asked to be released, were told yes, but were never released.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑

Tue Jan 22, 2019 5:20 pm

Stop telling him anything. He's just going to string you along. You've told him your done so be done talking to him about it.

If you want to do scouts then say yes to 3 or 4 weeks. Give him exactly the time your willing to help out. It's not like this is a super technical thing they need to do. NFL coaches have been hired in less time with millions of dollars at risk. This is church, call the old guy that love scouts or the newly wed guy that doesn't have kids. It's not that difficult and shouldn't take weeks.

If you don't want to do scouts then just text back "I don't think it's the right calling for me."

If it helps you can copy and paste that into your phone then hit send! It's that simple.

Now turn off the church overthinking button!

Slow fade means to say no now, so you can slip out the back door later!

Hahaha, Oh Red Ryder! You cut right through my overthinking! Thanks!

I ended up telling him Ok, as long as it was only scout activity related. So far, nobody has contacted me to help out, I haven't officially been called.

The only reason I said Ok was as a compromise for my wife. She was begging me to, for our son who just joined the deacons quorum. I'm going to post an update about things with DW, though. Not looking good.