NOM

One tenant of my faith journey has been to seek the ever elusive destination called Normal. It seems every time the exmo selfie train leaves the station more people aren't afraid to step up and introduce themselves to the world. They seem so normal to me. Like everyday people who shucked off their mormon shackles and walked away.

I'm sure the response by the MorgBots in the COB watching the internet goes something like this as they scroll through the selfie posts:

Of course...
Makes sense...
Didn't know he was gay!...
No... Not them??
Oh he's creepy...
That's a weird tattoo?
Yup, they couldn't commit!
What? Another family?
No way?! She just returned from her mission?
What's going on here?
Is Satan working the day shift too?

I'm going to confess something here. I get extremely depressed scrolling through the selfie posts. Mainly because deep down I haven't had enough courage to just get up and walk away. I also can see the battle scars on the faces of those who have suffered the most and have sacrificed components of their lives to living authentically and free from Mormonism. These are the faces that make me cry.

I respect those who want to metaphorically burn it all down and fight with focused anger. I respect those who quietly leave and slip out the back door to greener pastures filled with new found energy and happiness. I also respect those who hang around way too long and provide endless fodder to a never ending conversation and stream of public internet discussion and general disagreement with all things Mormon. God knows we don't get that on Sundays in the church.

Posting pictures may seem trivial to some but it's a very powerful message to the church!

We don't fear you anymore!

It's an amazing phenomena watching the selfie brigade when it shows up. It just kind of "starts" without warning and suddenly a whole new batch of pictures comes up.

I have two thoughts about the season of selfies. First is that we are probably seeing the ones who are enjoying the "blessings" of apostasy and are not in the midst of the shame or social pressure that still afflict many apostates. It has been noted that a shocking number of suspiciously attractive unbelievers constantly shows up. I recognize that many people are probably hiding some significant pain from family and friends who simply cannot comprehend a faith transition. We cannot necessarily conclude that the church is suddenly going to fall under this rising tide of photogenic unbelievers.

However, this is just as valid as the stories of happy believers on Facebook or the inspirational litanies from general conference. I fully validate those faithful believers that acquire and retain a testimony. Many of those stories come up in Fast and Testimony meeting and I can ironically include a recent testimony from my dear wife. Those are real feelings and impressions.

And yet, the Exmo Selfie Train is just as valid. It is possible to feel charity to both sides of this ecclesiastic divide even when I have so thoroughly cast my lot on this side, and my dear wife is on the other. The fact is, I might as well put my own face up. My believing friends and family are simply not going to wade through /r/exmormon looking for me even if they know my real beliefs.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑

Tue Feb 19, 2019 6:23 pm

I'm going to confess something here. I get extremely depressed scrolling through the selfie posts.

Yup. I get a bit depressed scrolling too. I may or may not have posted a thread "over there" about how Selfie Season is a bit depressing. Why couldn't I have discovered the lies of LDS-Inc. when I was young and beautiful, less gray (am I more bald, or more gray?) And not half dead? Why can't I rip my close family members away from the hooks and just be done with it?

I can't stop the scrolling either. What if there's someone I "know" in there? A close, or semi-close family member?

I also have other thoughts like: Wow. That's a lot of people who aren't scared any more. If there's that many people who aren't scared, there are likely many more who "can't" post their photo, or are too ugly like me and don't want to break Reddit.

Another thought: LDS-Inc. is in trouble...

Red Ryder wrote: ↑

Tue Feb 19, 2019 6:23 pm

I'm going to confess something here. I get extremely depressed scrolling through the selfie posts.

I just get depressed because they're so young and beautiful. But they I get happy for the same reason.

wtfluff wrote: ↑

Tue Feb 19, 2019 7:53 pm

,,,many more who "can't" post their photo, or are too ugly like me and don't want to break Reddit.

Just for the record, I know wtfluff pretty well. He's a sexy, sexy man.

I didn't know that Reddit thread existed. It's really kind of beautiful reading all those different stories.

One of the greatest things I've found about being out of the church is no longer feeling the need to judge others, but rather accept them for who they are. And perhaps most importantly, that acceptance included myself and where I was at that time in my life and where I am now. Go easy on yourself.

I’m pretty sure those posts scare the Church more than anything. I don’t think they’re too worried about posts about historical or doctrinal problems with the Church, most members couldn’t give two craps about them. They don’t stay for historical or doctrinal reasons. But seeing posts of people who left the Church and seem happy, who revel in their freedom from boring meetings, unreasonable demands, and capricious rules - I think that scares the Church. It makes it harder to maintain the fiction that darkness clouds the visage of all who leave the Church, who then waste away the remainder of their days in abject misery, having kept themselves out of the warm, loving, safe light of the Church <puke>.

They have to keep members afraid of leaving the Church, and happy selfies make it harder to do that.

The photos do send a powerful message.

On the other hand, I think they can be harmful as well, in the ways that social media is generally harmful. And I'm not convinced that ex-mo selfies are any more authentic than TBM photos who post saccharine pics of their kids and say, "The Church is True!"

Very few people will post real pictures of what having Thanskgiving dinner all alone looks like, now that you're divorced. Or the entire bag of chips you just ate because you're sad. The ceaseless arguments between family members. Or the fact that your job is dead end. Or maybe you're unemployed. Or unflattering pictures that don't show off your body. (Why are all you Mormon exmos so hot???!!!) Or maybe you just don't feel like a million bucks, but damn it, they all look so happy!

And then there's the feeling of missing out: All these people have the courage to post their pictures! I'm not as courageous, I haven't lost weight since leaving, I'm not as happy as they are. My kids still go to church, I guess they're doomed. Those kids in that pic are so young, I'm so old and am missing out on their youthful experiences.

Feeling lonely because you aren't on the selfie train: If I'm not here posting a picture then I'm not really an ex-mo. I don't have tattoos, I must not be giving the finger to the church enough. Look, she's at a party drinking - she actually has other people to drink with. Having online friends doesn't fulfill the same needs socially as having in-person friends and community. It can make us feel more acutely alone. Sometimes I wonder if people feel worse after posting pictures.

Frankly, I find social media an inauthentic and extroverted love fest and although I scroll through the selfies in hopes I will see someone I know, I really hate it when they come around.

I enjoy scrolling through.

It gives me hope because I am not one of them. I am still stuck in the middle. Just had a big fight with DH last night over girls camp. I don't want our DD to attend, but he does. We are at a stalemate.

I am also a little bitter about missing out on the freedom of choice during my high school/college years. I wish I had gotten out sooner.

I have all sorts of thoughts watching the exmo selfies.
Jealousy: wish I were in the position to leave.
Therapeutic: for the people posting it is very therapeutic. Being able to leave behind the source of much sorrow, pain, and unhappiness and be born again. Isn’t that an interesting analogy?
Eye Candy: There seems to be a lot of pretty women in the selfies. Not sure what that means. Maybe that the prediction of even the elect will leave. Many of the women sure are “elect”.
Will I know anyone: so far, I haven’t found anyone I personally know, but would love to see someone there.

Hagoth wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 20, 2019 6:36 am

Just for the record, I know wtfluff pretty well. He's a sexy, sexy man.

Having met wtfluff as well I can confirm.

I enjoy seeing all the exmos, though I do have similar negative thoughts about myself as what has been mentioned already.

One thing I personally like seeing is the pictures of people who look totally mormon still. Not because there is anything wrong with getting tats or being single and living it up, but because I look totally mormon still. I was at lunch with coworkers and was getting judged for being mormon because I still look the part. Seeing public exmos who look mormon makes me feel better about not needing to change my hair style or get piercings or tattoos if I don't want to.

GoodBoy wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 20, 2019 12:27 pm

Hagoth wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 20, 2019 6:36 am

Just for the record, I know wtfluff pretty well. He's a sexy, sexy man.

Having met wtfluff as well I can confirm.

Hold on a minute here... When did we meet GoodBoy?

Linked wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 20, 2019 1:02 pm

I enjoy seeing all the exmos, though I do have similar negative thoughts about myself as what has been mentioned already.

One thing I personally like seeing is the pictures of people who look totally mormon still. Not because there is anything wrong with getting tats or being single and living it up, but because I look totally mormon still. I was at lunch with coworkers and was getting judged for being mormon because I still look the part. Seeing public exmos who look mormon makes me feel better about not needing to change my hair style or get piercings or tattoos if I don't want to.

Black T-shirt or no T-shirt does the trick.

a cup of coffee too!

wtfluff wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 20, 2019 1:20 pm

GoodBoy wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 20, 2019 12:27 pm

Hagoth wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 20, 2019 6:36 am

Just for the record, I know wtfluff pretty well. He's a sexy, sexy man.

Having met wtfluff as well I can confirm.

Hold on a minute here... When did we meed GoodBoy?

Well I don't need to meet you because I feel the Spirit testifying that it's true. I know with every fiber of my bran that you are a sexy, sexy man.

Stay away from my daughters.

Reuben wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 20, 2019 2:51 pm

wtfluff wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 20, 2019 1:20 pm

GoodBoy wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 20, 2019 12:27 pm

Having met wtfluff as well I can confirm.

Hold on a minute here... When did we meed GoodBoy?

Well I don't need to meet you because I feel the Spirit testifying that it's true. I know with every fiber of my bran that you are a sexy, sexy man.

Stay away from my daughters.

Good to know that Holy the wimpy Ghost is still able to "confirm" things which are patently untrue...

Kinda makes you wonder how many guys resign because they want to grow a beard?

crossmyheart wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 20, 2019 10:50 am

I enjoy scrolling through.

It gives me hope because I am not one of them. I am still stuck in the middle. Just had a big fight with DH last night over girls camp. I don't want our DD to attend, but he does. We are at a stalemate.

I am also a little bitter about missing out on the freedom of choice during my high school/college years. I wish I had gotten out sooner.

I take back my statement. I don't enjoy scrolling through anymore. Yesterday got to be too much. How can whole families leave together and I cant even get my DH to have a conversation about my issues and concerns about our children being raised in such a toxic atmosphere? Rough weekend. It hurts to see the happy families moving on. maybe someday. just not today.

moksha wrote: ↑

Thu Feb 21, 2019 5:23 am

Kinda makes you wonder how many guys resign because they want to grow a beard?

I can honestly say that that was never one of my reasons. Full disclosure, I usually wear facial hair in fall and winter and did even as an active TBM. Not really an issue in my part of the country, Facial hair is quite normal to us.

crossmyheart wrote: ↑

Mon Feb 25, 2019 6:53 am

I take back my statement. I don't enjoy scrolling through anymore. Yesterday got to be too much. How can whole families leave together and I cant even get my DH to have a conversation about my issues and concerns about our children being raised in such a toxic atmosphere? Rough weekend. It hurts to see the happy families moving on. maybe someday. just not today.

Some are lucky, some are unlucky. There is no rhyme or reason and the world just plain isn't fair. I feel a bit fortunate that my DW is out, but to say "life is awesome now" would be a gross misrepresentation. It's been really really really really really really really hard. If you and your spouse can get along happily, even if it's mixed faith marriage, count your blessings.

Maybe someday he'll be more open to ideas and concerns than he is today, don't give up hope but don't give up on today, either.

Just This Guy wrote: ↑

Mon Feb 25, 2019 8:34 am

moksha wrote: ↑

Thu Feb 21, 2019 5:23 am

Kinda makes you wonder how many guys resign because they want to grow a beard?

I can honestly say that that was never one of my reasons. Full disclosure, I usually wear facial hair in fall and winter and did even as an active TBM. Not really an issue in my part of the country, Facial hair is quite normal to us.

I was joking about that as a reason. If a guy wants to wear a beard, he needs to overcome the "submit-comply-obey" training he has received in the past and simply quit shaving. Within the Jell-O belt, members will receive some flak for growing facial hair, but the pressure is not sufficient to feel a need to resign. If your beard is bushy enough you might be able to hold even more priesthood keys by attaching them to your beard.