The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

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Kishkumen
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The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by Kishkumen » Fri Mar 01, 2019 9:17 am

For the record, I'm not yet 40, however, that milestone is much closer than I'd care to admit.

A few years mentally out and a couple of years physically out and I'm still a Social Virgin in the loan and dreary wilderness, full of godless heathens and satan worshipping Gentiles.

We had an impromptu party at our house last night. Our son is on a little league flag football team and they had a make-up game last night since due to last weeks weather cancelled game. Mrs Misbehaved and I discussed we should just pick something up for dinner since it was busy night with the game. That quickly turned into inviting several other football families to our house for pizza.
4 other families came over. The kids all played and went crazy, eating pizza and having a great time.

(Side note, we live in Phoenix, the weather is fabulous currently so about 15 kids were running around on the grass, on the swingset, trampoline, etc.)

Anyway, after we leave the game and head home to get ready for people coming over, this wave of anxiety hits me. WTH am I doing? I don't know how to interact with normal people. What's the proper protocol, etiquitte?

In the end, it seems like a success. We had a good time. Our family provided a bunch of pizza, one family brought 24 pack of Miller, and others BYOD. It was 8:00 on a Thursday night and we were just hanging out, talking, bitching about all the normal things we Biddy about. The women folk were all cackling and the menfolk used inappropriate language for young ears.

Last night, I lay in bed trying to fall asleep. Thinking, that was fun, I'm glad we did it. Also, that was a stupid thing I said, why did I say that? What the hell did I talk about XYZ? I was beating myself up as usual. The 40 year old social virgin in me can't fully relax and have a good time.

But as one family was leaving, this dad say my BBQ Smoker on the patio and said (loudly) What kind of BBQ porn do you masturbate to? I need some of that! It was hilarious. And even though i second guess myself the entire time, at least I didn't have the most memorable quote of the evening to reconsider.

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Stig
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by Stig » Fri Mar 01, 2019 10:30 am

Yep...welcome to the discovery that growing up and living within the LDS "bubble" causes many, many of us to have stunted social growth. You and I and many others have a great deal of catching up to do. Just don't do it all at once...that can be pretty overwhelming. :lol:
Last edited by Stig on Fri Mar 01, 2019 11:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
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FiveFingerMnemonic
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by FiveFingerMnemonic » Fri Mar 01, 2019 11:13 am

Yep I can't shake the feeling I will never fit in with the gentile crowd. Lost in social wastelands like Moses in the wilderness.

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Linked
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by Linked » Fri Mar 01, 2019 12:11 pm

Way to go!!! You threw a normal party! That is awesome, sounds like a success.

I spent a week abroad for school with a bunch of not-mormons a few years ago with a broken shelf but not wanting to deal with it. I would go to the bars with everyone and drink coke. I was so nervous and anxious the whole time. I'm glad I did it but it wasn't really fun because I was so dang nervous. I'm getting better at it thanks to work trips, but I don't know if I will ever be completely comfortable.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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Mormorrisey
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by Mormorrisey » Fri Mar 01, 2019 12:48 pm

I actually quite enjoyed my social virgin status, all my other academic colleagues were ecstatic that I could play designated driver and drive all their drunk a$$es home. Made me the hit of the party! And those of you who know academe, these people can drink. I've never quite understood how a bunch of truly intelligent people need to destroy their braincells on a weekly basis to let off a bit of steam. Social drinking is fine, but going to conferences was a real eye opener!

I'm not sure that I'm the most social guy to begin with as an introvert, so I have to admit being a hermit (and Sis. M is just as bad, which is a real #tendermercy) is a great thing, there's nothing I'd rather do than just sit at home, just the two of us. So while I don't really have a need for social interaction, I can certainly understand those who do. Kudos to you, for barrelling through and having a great evening.
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RubinHighlander
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by RubinHighlander » Fri Mar 01, 2019 2:24 pm

Kishkumen wrote:
Fri Mar 01, 2019 9:17 am
WTH am I doing? I don't know how to interact with normal people. What's the proper protocol, etiquitte?
Right as I read that I thought, just lube the event up with a little booze and all will be well outside of Zion. Then some of your new friends took care of that part and hazzah!

Not that the beer and spirits are necessary to get drunk as skunks in order to socialize, but it makes adults feel like adults and a little buzz helps the buzz flow freely. Our Sunday dinners with our adult kids are sure hella more fun than they ever were when we get together now!

Now, don't you just miss those HP/EQ parties? Ah, fetching heck no bro!
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wtfluff
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by wtfluff » Fri Mar 01, 2019 3:14 pm

I'm jealous that you've started to lose your social virginity at such a young age. :D

Kishkumen wrote:
Fri Mar 01, 2019 9:17 am
one family brought 24 pack of Miller, and others BYOD.
As you well know (and as Rubin mentioned,) partaking in the above substance is one of the best ways to overcome social virginity. (I'd be really impressed if you could convince them to bring better mild barley drinks than Miller, but I guess Miller isn't as bad as some other options...)

Didn't any of ya'll with the social anxiety have non-MORmON friends while you were believers? Did you feel social anxiety hanging out with them before enlightenment?

I don't know if it's just me, but even in my most hardcore believing days, I always had friends "on the outside" due to my hobby interests. "Now", though I do get a bit of social anxiety due to being a bit introverted, I have a much better time socially as I finally feel like I can just "be myself", whereas before, I had to be the MORmON version of myself.

Maybe I'm not as big of an introvert as I think I am. Maybe I just don't like hanging out with MORmONs... :?
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Brilliant.

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Kishkumen
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by Kishkumen » Fri Mar 01, 2019 3:23 pm

RubinHighlander wrote:
Fri Mar 01, 2019 2:24 pm
Kishkumen wrote:
Fri Mar 01, 2019 9:17 am
WTH am I doing? I don't know how to interact with normal people. What's the proper protocol, etiquitte?
Right as I read that I thought, just lube the event up with a little booze and all will be well outside of Zion. Then some of your new friends took care of that part and hazzah! ------- That was the orignal game plan. I provide pizza, they bring beers.

Not that the beer and spirits are necessary to get drunk as skunks in order to socialize, but it makes adults feel like adults and a little buzz helps the buzz flow freely. Our Sunday dinners with our adult kids are sure hella more fun than they ever were when we get together now!

Now, don't you just miss those HP/EQ parties? Ah, fetching heck no bro!
You're spot on regarding the social lubricant known as alcohol. It works wonders. But therein lies another social virginity aspect. I was extremely low on beer, a variety of wines and a few liquors. No big deal. But all of sudden, I can't find any shot glasses. One guy says - "are we just drinking straight from the (whiskey) bottle?" This particular whiskey bottle was Porters Fire from Odgen UT. It has a somewhat unique lable. Someone asks where I got it from, then the whole Utah State liquor store insanity conversation, then the ask if I'm mormon (dammit, why does it always come back to this? oh yeah, because I was mormon and am now a social virgin)

The wine wasn't chilled - can you add ice to a wine glass? So many other little nuances that make one feel like a total dweeb in this world of adulting.

Lastly, I really need to tread carefully on this next part. The Mrs and I don't share identical views regarding alcohol. In the past, some experiences have been great. Others, not so much. So when drinks are involved it has the potential to stress our relationship. It's just part of this new world of losing my social virginity.

WTFluff - my social anxiety in my TBM days with other like-minded believers was waaaay less than it is now. Of course I would interact with non believers, but I almost always had a sanctuary of other believers to retreat to.

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Kishkumen
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by Kishkumen » Fri Mar 01, 2019 3:35 pm

In response to some of you connoisseurs critiquing cheap beer -

Miller Lite is my cheap beer of preference. Interchangeable with Michelob Ultra. Both are just fine with me, usually whichever is on sale is what I buy. Of course neither is fantastic, that's why they sell it so cheap. I won't refuse a Bud Light or Coors Light when offered, but I'm not spending my money on it either.

When not buying cheap beer, I try to steer my dollars to local breweries.

Prescott Brewing Company is one of my favorite local brew houses. I especially like their Achocolypse.
Also San Tan brewing is good - Moon Juice IPA. Four Peaks has two good ones I like - Kiltlifter and Peach Ale.
And I recently fell in love with Tombstone Brewing Company, but it's a little harder to find and few extra pesos.

If I go somewhere and I don't know what they have and I don't have much time to decide - I default to Shock Top or Blue Moon wheat ales. These are always a safe choice and at least one is available at virtually any bar/restaurant.

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Kishkumen
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by Kishkumen » Fri Mar 01, 2019 3:39 pm

FiveFingerMnemonic wrote:
Fri Mar 01, 2019 11:13 am
Yep I can't shake the feeling I will never fit in with the gentile crowd. Lost in social wastelands like Moses in the wilderness.
I really know what you mean. I'm no longer a young pup and it's getting harder to learn new tricks. In all sincerity, I take solace that I may never fit in but at least I can give my kids a shot at a better life - socially, emotionally, rationally. That's all I really want, is to give them every advantage I can.

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Kishkumen
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by Kishkumen » Fri Mar 01, 2019 3:44 pm

Stig wrote:
Fri Mar 01, 2019 10:30 am
Yep...welcome to the discovery that growing up and living within the LDS "bubble" causes many, many of us to have stunted social growth. You and I and many others have a great deal of catching up to do. Just don't do it all at once...that can be pretty overwhelming. :lol:
We do need to catch up. Send me a PM. I have a secret combination that you might enjoy. RR, Corsair, AZFlyer have already learned the handshake.

To the rest of you stricken with envy -
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wtfluff
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by wtfluff » Fri Mar 01, 2019 3:56 pm

Kishkumen wrote:
Fri Mar 01, 2019 3:35 pm
In response to some of you connoisseurs critiquing cheap beer -

Miller Lite is my cheap beer of preference. Interchangeable with Michelob Ultra. Both are just fine with me, usually whichever is on sale is what I buy. Of course neither is fantastic, that's why they sell it so cheap. I won't refuse a Bud Light or Coors Light when offered, but I'm not spending my money on it either.
OK, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything about the Miller. Really nothing wrong with ice-cold Miller at a Pizza party. I might think myself a snob, but like you, I won't turn anything down when it's handed to me.

Though this does remind me of a story about watching one of my friends turn down a Bud Light back in my believing days, which I must tell: Riding the gondola at Snow Basin with a bunch of dirt-bag snowboarders; One of them pulls a Bud Light from his jacket and takes a drink and passes it around. It gets to my friend (who was a bartender at one of the best beer-bars in Utah) and the bartender friend says: "That would have to be the last beer on earth for me to take a drink" and he passes it to me, to which I reply: "Yeah, me too" and I pass it back to the guy who pulled it out of his coat. He had a bit of a dejected look on his face as he looked at the Bud Light in his hand and said: "I work for Budweiser." We all had a good laugh, the rest of the folks in the gondola finished off the Bud Light, and we went snowboarding. :mrgreen:
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Brilliant.

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Red Ryder
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Re: The 40 Year Old Social Virgin

Post by Red Ryder » Fri Mar 01, 2019 4:24 pm

You've come along way Kish!

And here you think you're a social burden on humanity!
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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