I need some support. TW/CW child rape

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Thoughtful
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I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Thoughtful » Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:03 pm

My teenage daughter disclosed to me yesterday that her uncle, who is currently awaiting trial for stalking her and some other lightweight charges, actually completed a rape when she was 11yo. The stalking situation was the final catalyst in our leaving the church and being ostracized by my inlaws when we had zero tolerance for pedophilia.

The scenario we just learned about was one where my MIL, who knew he was a pedophile, told my daughter to go alone with him into his bedroom at a FHE meeting at his house while I was out of town. Afterward, she took my daughter's phone away from her and, back at her home later that night, my daughter said MIL prayed for 2 hours that night and she sneaked into MILs room to steal her phone back.

Her facts check out with what we know other details occurred on that week -- we absolutely believe her.

Daughter is adamant she will not make another police statement. My ILs are high up in area church leadership. They have known their son is an active pedophile for 30 years and have protected him from accountability.

Now it appears my MIL provides victims to him.

Does anyone know if the law can go after her directly?

We immediately called "our" detective, who is off work this weekend. Made an initial report to dispatch. We also made sure her therapy team is aware and on it wy check ins as well as other trustworthy people in our village. I am cautiously optimistic my daughter will be willing to eventually make a statement at the child justice center with a female advocate rather than our local cops.

Support and advice is welcomed please and thank you.

Anon70
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Anon70 » Fri Mar 08, 2019 3:40 am

No advice but I love and respect that you unconditionally love and believe her. What a horrible thing for anyone to do to a child, especially her own grandmother. She is lucky to have you.

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Just This Guy
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Just This Guy » Fri Mar 08, 2019 6:59 am

Can you go after them legally? Yes. There are ways to do it. What the best option is, I can't say. You would need to talk to a lawyer or prosecuting attorney in your area. You may or may not be able to pursue criminal charges. Civil charges most likely. If your in-laws used their position as church leadership to cover the abuse, I would suggest talking to the SNAP Network.

http://www.snapnetwork.org/
http://www.snapnetwork.org/need_help_now
Or call: Toll-Free Phone: 1-877-SNAP-HEALS (1-877-762-7432)


That is a nationwide network of lawyers who specialize in clergy abuse cases. At a minimum, they should be able to refer you to resources in your area. They were heavily involved in the Michael Jensen case in Martinsburg, WV and were eventually able to get a victory over LDS Inc. They were one of the main drivers behind the first big catholic church scandal in 2002. So they have no issue going up against the biggest churches and getting results.

Good luck.
Last edited by Just This Guy on Fri Mar 08, 2019 10:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Fifi de la Vergne
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Fifi de la Vergne » Fri Mar 08, 2019 7:47 am

Ugh -- I have no advice, just feeling anguished and enraged on your behalf. Unbelievable -- and incomprehensible. I'm so sorry.
Joy is the emotional expression of the courageous Yes to one's own true being.

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StarbucksMom
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by StarbucksMom » Fri Mar 08, 2019 10:11 am

Thoughtful,
I am so, so sorry.

I am no lawyer, so no legal advice. But it sounds like you have a good case against your disgusting MIL. Sending a child into a rapist’s BEDROOM, taking her phone, etc. Just wow. And not just any child, her own grandchild.Your MIL is a definite, immediate risk to society. Her stake pres should know, She should not be allowed anywhere near any child in her church congregation. Since the Mormon church seems to be cracking down on this stuff, they will hopefully take you seriously. Your BIL and MIL need to be in prison. This is not much different from female accomplises to child rapes like in the case of Elizabeth Smart and Wanda Barzee.

Again, so deeply sorry.

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Corsair
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Corsair » Fri Mar 08, 2019 10:30 am

This is such a horrifying situation and I have only sympathy for you. I do not know how to proceed, but talking to a county prosecutor is probably a good way to find some direction.

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wtfluff
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by wtfluff » Fri Mar 08, 2019 2:15 pm

I have no words, just sympathy.

As with others, I have no legal advice. Perhaps protective orders would be a good idea?
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Brilliant.

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MoPag
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by MoPag » Sat Mar 09, 2019 5:44 pm

Oh Thoughtful! I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this.
Tons of Hugs for you!!!!
You're MIL and BIL are f@#%ing evil.
...walked eye-deep in hell
believing in old men’s lies...--Ezra Pound

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MalcolmVillager
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by MalcolmVillager » Sat Mar 09, 2019 6:07 pm

This is so sad and painful. No advice. Just rage and sending good and healing vibes to you and your DD.

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græy
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by græy » Sat Mar 09, 2019 6:31 pm

I have nothing to contribute but sympathy. I am so sorry this has happened to your daughter and your family.
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

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Mormorrisey
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Mormorrisey » Sat Mar 09, 2019 6:50 pm

This has been a horrific story for your family, and I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Calling the police is absolutely the right thing to do, so you can't do more than that, other than try and help your daughter heal. I surely hope that starts as soon as possible for you and for your child.
"And I don't need you...or, your homespun philosophies."
"And when you try to break my spirit, it won't work, because there's nothing left to break."

Thoughtful
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Thoughtful » Sun Mar 10, 2019 10:19 am

I really appreciate all the responses. It's been rough.

I am looking into protective orders. There is already one in place for my BIL as a condition of his bail. I am not sure we can get one on MIL, but hopefully can find out from either the DA office or the detective tomorrow.

I will look into SNAP as well. I'm not sure the church as a whole is implicated. I know our current sitting bishop was unaware of the history.

I'm very grateful for the well wishes and even the anger on our behalf. Spouseman went out with DD last night and she talked to him about it, he reiterated his support-- she's had a lot of fears about it because it's his family. I cried a lot last night.

My other teenager, who doesn't know yet what's going on, (and frankly I'm afraid to tell him because of teenage impulsivity AND high stakes testing this week, but we will have to tell him) blew up on me and blamed me for raising him in the church. Said I'm no better than TSCC. I've never had a thin skin with kid comments, I know he's angry. But this one stung, a lot. I did the best I could with what I knew.

Spouseman is furious about the situation with DD, of course, and finally acknowledging his anger. Said he's not sleeping. Said he feels like he was raised in a movie where everyone was following a script and he had no idea the underbelly.

Anyway. Thank you for being here for me.

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Newme
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Newme » Sun Mar 10, 2019 12:42 pm

I imagine this is really tough. I hope the best for you and your family.

Several in my extended family (of my childhood) have shown to have issues too. Several have been involved with child-sexual abuse directly or indirectly (defended her abusive son & daughter - putting others in harms way), & some have been physically abusive - and been involved with CPS. For so long, I struggled with excessive blame - the scapegoat - until relatively recently where I put the accountability back on them with facts and I maintain boundaries. And I’m doing what I can to clear up my own distortions and life traps so I am more healthy.

It seems that mental distortions and manipulations come along when you confront others who deny or justify such sick abuse. I hope & pray you and your daughter and others supporting you can maintain clarity and strength.

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Hagoth
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Hagoth » Sun Mar 10, 2019 7:29 pm

I'm so glad your daughter has your support, Thoughtful, and I hope she will find healthy ways to process everything and find healing. I also sincerely hope you can get some justice for this. People cannot be allowed to get away with this kind of monstrous behavior anymore, especially when they're hiding behind a pious facade and using religion to cloak their deeds.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

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Random
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Random » Wed Mar 13, 2019 11:01 pm

I can understand why she doesn't want to make another statement (had my experiences included police, I would not have wanted to talk to them at all - but then 50+ years ago, things were different than they are now. My experiences were with men I did not know, not family members; that has got to be so, so much worse - and what a betrayal of trust!).

I really hope it all works out. What a major betrayal from your mil! I feel part of your pain.
[They] which knew me from the beginning . . . would testify, that after the most straitest sect of our religion I lived a Pharisee.
Acts 26:5

Thoughtful
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Thoughtful » Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:25 pm

Thank you all. Spouseman has been clear he wants nothing to do with his family, period. Done with them all. DD is deciding whether she wants to talk. Its been rocky here but hopefully we can get to some sort of even keel soon and recover. Going outside today for a bit helped, sunshine.

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Mad Jax
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Re: I need some support. TW/CW child rape

Post by Mad Jax » Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:05 pm

If you live near Minnesota perhaps we can work out a more direct resolution:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiqorGv5Qs0
Free will is a golden thread flowing through the matrix of fixed events.

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