You are willing to let her be who she is in terms of religious faith, but she is not willing to let you be who you are . So you have to live a lie instead of living an authentic life. It is like being trapped in a prison, with the spouse in control of the keys to the prison cell. This situation, where you cannot be your authentic self, because she insists on total control of your actions ( attend meetings, pay tithing, give blessings, help everyone move furniture, and so forth), and when you don't comply, you face her retribution and wrath ( Passive-agressive, tears, fighting, the silent treatment, etc.) is completely untenable.n other words, as long as I only say "I'm not so sure about a, b, or c", and never go into any more detail. As long as I still bless the sacrament for our family, give priesthood blessings, help every single man/woman/child who needs a blessing or is moving a piece of furniture. As long as I still pay tithing and plan to attend the temple. As long as I am still 100% TBM in every action and detail then we have a peaceful time. But any degree of conversation past that brings tears, fighting, and avoidance.
I AM willing to give her space to believe. I will even continue to go to church and support her. But I HAVE to be able to be myself as much as she needs to be herself. Right now, we can't even have that conversation. That is what I am looking forward to. I don't need her to change. I don't need her to follow me out. I will support her staying in. But I cannot stay in myself, not indefinitely.
So, one of the purposes of therapy might be to ask her to stop her highly controlling, micro-managing behavior. As you say, it's not about convincing her to believe as you do --- it's about her giving you enough space to be your authentic self. I'm very hopeful that the therapist will be able to see the anguish and pressure that you're under. It's so emotionally stressful and painful to live with a dominating "control freak", even if you really love them.
Very best wishes to you, and please keep us posted. -- Wndr.