What would you choose?

[trophywife26.2]

We invited my in laws over for dinner this week and an Easter party (I planned this to avoid the fiasco that happened last year when they didn't respect our boundaries on Easter Sunday). Well, they decided going to the Firm Foundation Expo to learn about Evidence for the Book of Mormon was more important than spending time with their grandkids.

I mean what would you choose? Clearly the Expo.

In reality I'm sure they spent money on tickets for the expo, so I get it, but on another level it's pretty absurd to me.

[jfro18]

Considering there's no evidence unique to the BoM that is backed by actual science of archaeology, I would say it's absurd to miss family time to go listen to someone pretend there is.

But on the other hand, they need it to be true so much that they would gladly miss family time to find it... same with those who go on 18 month senior missions while their grandchildren are growing up without them around.

[Anon70]

When the church teaches that the church is more important than family, that’s what you get. Sorry your kids missed out on grandparent time though.

My parents went on a two year mission and then cried buckets over missing out on huge life events for the grandkids and I had zero sympathy for them.

My DH is still TBM but at least he prioritizes us over the church.

[glass shelf]

I wouldn't personally choose anything related to mormonism, but that's not really the point of this.

If you invited me over, and I already had scheduled an activity for my favorite hobby and spent money on tickets, I'd decline. I'd suggest an alternate time, but I wouldn't change my plans. I wouldn't look at this as "choosing" this over the grandkids. It's a scheduling conflict.

[alas]

I wouldn't personally choose anything related to mormonism, but that's not really the point of this.

If you invited me over, and I already had scheduled an activity for my favorite hobby and spent money on tickets, I'd decline. I'd suggest an alternate time, but I wouldn't change my plans. I wouldn't look at this as "choosing" this over the grandkids. It's a scheduling conflict.

This. I find that it helps keep me sane if I look at my children’s supper expensive hobbies, my TBM relatives religion, and my own hobbies/obsessions as all the same thing. I want to scream about my kids hobbies when they are squeaking by pay check to pay check, but they spend $500 to go to an event, then when the car breaks, can’t afford to fix their car. ) But is it really different than my husband’s supper expensive religion? He pays tithing and then there is no money left to fix the truck when it breaks. My children miss family events because they just HAVE to go to some event that takes 4 days, and $600, then have no money or time off work to do our annual, plan ahead for it family camp out. But you can’t suggest to people that they are missing important family time because their hobby, obsession, religion is taking up their whole life. Those are not choices I would make, but then I am not living their life.

But stepping away and seeing hobby as religion and religion as hobby helps me see why dressing up and pretending is their social life, their belief system, and their entertainment. It helps me understand that cosplay is just as crazy as belonging to a cult, and that while my family was my hobby, my obsession, and my religion, other people put other hobbies, religions, obsessions above family.

I don’t even try to understand it, but I have no choice but to accept it.

[wtfluff]

Most of us on "this" message board would likely choose the grand-kids, though Alas has a good point about "hobbies."

That being said, I know the feeling TrophyW. I basically gave up on having any sort of relationship with my parents because of things like this. And the things didn't even include money spent on tickets. It was like pulling teeth to try to get my parents to do anything with their grand-kids, but if there was anything related to LD$-Inc. in their lives, they wouldn't miss it for the world. I finally just gave up on the constant disappointment.

I wonder if they feel the same way about me?

[2bizE]

Most of on "this" message board would likely choose the grand-kids, though Alas has a good point about "hobbies."

That being said, I know the feeling TrophyW. I basically gave up on having any sort of relationship with my parents because of things like this. And the things didn't even include money spent on tickets. It was like pulling teeth to try to get my parents to do anything with their grand-kids, but if there was anything related to LD$-Inc. in their lives, they wouldn't miss it for the world. I finally just gave up on the constant disappointment.

I wonder if they feel the same way about me?

Does your sibling have the same problem?

[wtfluff]

Does your sibling have the same problem?

Don't know.

I don't really have much of a relationship with anyone in "my" immediate family. There's one apostate besides me, but they were smart enough to get out over 30 years ago, and of course, because I was a believer, I was scared of them for many years, so there's not much of a relationship there. The rest of my siblings I see them ~once a year at the "flamily reunion" where all they talk about is LD$-Inc. and magic underwear, so their relationship, and their kids' relationship with our parents doesn't come up.

I do believe most of the believing siblings have a better relationship with the parental units than I do, because they initiate all of the contact. I just can't do it. I guess I'm just an apostate @sshole. (Though I pretty much felt the same way when I was attempting to force myself to continue believing.)

[moksha]

Looking at this conference on BOM evidence by the Firm Foundation Expo, it appears to me to be a bit of a scam. You could pencil in the letters NHM on a notecard and hand it out at the box office with the warning that it is pure speculation rather than proof. No need for anything beyond that unless you would like your picture taken standing next to a cardboard General Zelph.

[slavereeno]

My parents have been called as temple workers and before they discovered my disaffection my dad grumbled all the time about the calling and had no problem getting a sub.

Now that I am "struggling with my testimony" they talk about how spiritual it is. It now takes higher priority than anything else and they refuse to get a sub, even when family comes in from out of town. Its important work etc.

[trophywife26.2]

I wouldn't personally choose anything related to mormonism, but that's not really the point of this.

If you invited me over, and I already had scheduled an activity for my favorite hobby and spent money on tickets, I'd decline. I'd suggest an alternate time, but I wouldn't change my plans. I wouldn't look at this as "choosing" this over the grandkids. It's a scheduling conflict.

You're right and that's fair. There's a bit more history and nuance involved and even though I think I'm the victim, I'm sure MIL thinks she is the victim too. I keep waiting for the day when it doesn't hurt my feelings anymore. Every time I think I'm in fowler stage 5 I see that I am clearly just not. Thanks for listening everyone.