Elders Quorum Guess Who

[slavereeno]

Our elders quorum does a "guess who" in the weekly newsletter. I read the first couple but it seemed to turn into a bragging contest pretty quickly. I haven't attended EQ for about 6 months now. Its one where DW doesn't miss my absence so I ditch and sit in the lobby. My absence has been noticed and now I am pretty sure I am a project.

So, they approached me and asked me to supply 5 things about myself for the "guess who" thing. I tried to come up with some things to put on the list, but I am frankly kind of dreading it. Its petty of me, but I don't want to participate. I want to be left alone, forgotten.

I can:

1. Politely decline to be spotlighted.
2. Come up with some unremarkable generic items that will be forgotten quickly and hope this doesn't come back around
3. Come up with some real wise-ass items for the list (OK, I wouldn't really do this, but I did invent a couple just for fun)

[RubinHighlander]

4. Keep putting them off until they get a clue: "Let me think about it and get back to you."

[2bizE]

I like #3.
Ie. My great great grandpa was sent on a mission by JS and while he was gone, JS married my grandfathers wife.
I have a rock collection and it has a stone, nearly identical, to the one JS used to stick in a hat and see the words for the BoM.
My great great grandmother was (Helen Mar Kimball, Fanny Alger, Zina Huntington Jacobs Smith Young, etc)

[slavereeno]

4. Keep putting them off until they get a clue: "Let me think about it and get back to you."

This has been my stratagem so far. I think #4 and #1 risk sending up more "Make Brother Slavereeno a Project" flags.

I like #3.
Ie. My great great grandpa was sent on a mission by JS and while he was gone, JS married my grandfathers wife.
I have a rock collection and it has a stone, nearly identical, to the one JS used to stick in a hat and see the words for the BoM.
My great great grandmother was (Helen Mar Kimball, Fanny Alger, Zina Huntington Jacobs Smith Young, etc)

Yes! These were the kinds of things I thought of sending in. It would be best if it signaled any potential disaffected in my ward without alerting those that are still sleeping.

-- I once tried riding a tapir like it was a horse in a petting zoo, this ended badly for me.
-- I once took a course translating ancient Egyptian into English in college, the professor used the Book of the Breathings as source material.
-- I had my DNA tested and it came back with 4% Nephite DNA
-- My Grandfather went on one of first Book of Mormon Archeological expeditions to Central America, after that he became a mail carrier.
-- My dead Grandmother's patriarchal blessing says she will see the second coming before she dies.

[græy]

edit: Double Post

[græy]

-- I once tried riding a tapir like it was a horse in a petting zoo, this ended badly for me.
-- I once took a course translating ancient Egyptian into English in college, the professor used the Book of the Breathings as source material.
-- I had my DNA tested and it came back with 4% Nephite DNA
-- My Grandfather went on one of first Book of Mormon Archeological expeditions to Central America, after that he became a mail carrier.
-- My dead Grandmother's patriarchal blessing says she will see the second coming before she dies.

I would love to hear someone work these types of thoughts into a class discussion. It really is something someone "in the know" could catch without startling those who are still sleeping.

[jfro18]

I can:

1. Politely decline to be spotlighted.
2. Come up with some unremarkable generic items that will be forgotten quickly and hope this doesn't come back around
3. Come up with some real wise-ass items for the list (OK, I wouldn't really do this, but I did invent a couple just for fun)

Maybe you could find that halfway between 2 and 3 approach?

1. I love to read church history books to better understand our foundation
2. I love to joke with my wife about celestializing other women for eternity

OK... I guess after #1 they'd turn into your third option really quickly.

[jfro18]

-- I once tried riding a tapir like it was a horse in a petting zoo, this ended badly for me.
-- I once took a course translating ancient Egyptian into English in college, the professor used the Book of the Breathings as source material.
-- I had my DNA tested and it came back with 4% Nephite DNA
-- My Grandfather went on one of first Book of Mormon Archeological expeditions to Central America, after that he became a mail carrier.
-- My dead Grandmother's patriarchal blessing says she will see the second coming before she dies.

I'll start a pool if you got this printed

If this gets into the newsletter I'm tossing $20 in... would be worth the price of admission.

[Red Ryder]

I don't think I've heard this done outside of primary and the third grade!

1. This Elder wears garments.
2. This elder wears a white shirt.
3. This elder wears a tie.
4. This elder wears dark slacks.
5. This elder still madturbates.

Gee, which elder could it be? Is it Brother Smith? No he wears tan pants. Is t Brother Jones? No, we did his guess who last week. Is it Brother Stevenson? No, he's not endowed. Is it Brother Petersen? No, he's inactive?

It must be Brother Mortenson. He's definitely a madturbator.

[slavereeno]

1. This Elder wears garments.
2. This elder wears a white shirt.
3. This elder wears a tie.
4. This elder wears dark slacks.
5. This elder still masturbates.

[dogbite]

I say S
I say L

...

slavereeno gonna mess your mind

with apologies to ex mormon Randy Bachman of the Guess Who.

[nibbler]

Definitely option #3.

1) Has had calling and election made sure, aka the second comforter, aka I've got teflon Gs - the sins can't stick.
2) Is one of the three Nephites.
3) I'm not saying that I have seen Jesus but I'm also not saying that I haven't.
4) Has successfully divided by zero.
5) I'm the guy that audits the church financials to make sure that they have been recorded and administered in accordance with approved church budgets, policies, and accounting practices. AMA.

[Reuben]

1) Married all of his wives in the temple.

2) Received his calling and election three times because he pays 30% tithing.

3) Is made of meat.

4) Has done his genealogy all the way back to the Neanderthals.

5) Has enough faith not to be healed.

[Brent]

I transistioning. EQ -1 RS+1

[slavereeno]

These are great! I really wish I could submit some of these!

[moksha]

-- I once took a course translating ancient Egyptian into English in college, the professor used the Book of the Breathings as source material. So I started with a story. "In the land of the Chaldeans, while living in my Dad's basement, I, Abraham, found that I needed to move out. And wanting to be happier, less of a doofus, and also the big man on campus I named myself a High Priest."

That's it so far. Pretty good, huh?

Quite good. It will be a doozy for those Elders Quorum guys to figure out.

[wtfluff]

I vote #2 to easily get them off your back.

1. Born of goodly parents (BIC?)
2. Blessed to grow up and get married in the temple.
3. Baptized at the "age of accountability."
4. Served Mission.
5. Married in the temple.
6. Multiplied and replenished.
7. Enduring to the end. (The enduring part really sucks. Especially the tithing endurance.)

Or you could really dumb it down to primary level even more.

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

These are great! I really wish I could submit some of these!

Submit them all and tell them they can choose which 5 to use.

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

These are great! I really wish I could submit some of these!

Submit them all and tell them they can choose which 5 to use.

[slavereeno]

Return and Report:

I got pinned down yesterday while sitting next to DW on this. DW was embarrassed that I had been dodging this and not overly happy with me about that. He even joked that he was going to ask her next time instead of me. That is one of my pet peeves, when people embarrass my wife in order to get me to do things.

So I gave these to get the guy off my back:

I have 2 left feet
I once came in 6th in a hot dog eating contest
I am not a fan of eggplant
I have an irrational dislike for the hair on peaches
I have a sister that lost a tic-tac-toe game to a chicken