NOM

I just came across a quote:

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny, or they’ll kill you.”- B. Wilder

So, in effort to help others while preserving our lives, brainstorm with me...
How can we tell ugly truths about the lds church in humorous ways?

To subtly tell the truth about...

*How Mormons tend to all cherry pick church rules:
“Jews don’t recognize Jesus. Catholics don’t recognize divorce. What do Mormons not recognize? A: Each other in the liquor store.”

*Part of the church name (latter day) is heaven’s reward fallacy - the focus on the afterlife rather than this life...
“Bishop Murphy walks into a ward in Provo, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to the Celestial Kingdom?”
The man said, “I do bishop.”
The Bishop said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the Bishop asked the second man, “Do you want to go to the Celestial Kingdom?”
“Certainly, bishop,” was the man’s reply.
“Then stand over there against the wall,” said the Bishop.
Then Bishop Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, “Do you want to go to the Celestial Kingdom?”
O’Toole said, “No, I don’t sir.”
The Bishop said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to the Celestial Kingdom?”
O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”

*The lds church tends to prioritize Mormonism over Christ...
“A Mormon mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Owen, 5, and Bill, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, “Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.” Owen turned to his younger brother and said, “Bill, you be Jesus.”

https://humoropedia.com/funny-mormon-jokes/

Newme wrote: ↑

Wed May 08, 2019 10:33 am

I just came across a quote:

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny, or they’ll kill you.”- B. Wilder

So, in effort to help others while preserving our lives, brainstorm with me...
How can we tell ugly truths about the lds church in humorous ways?

I resemble that remark.

Hey alas, I saw that coming.

A man was praying to God. He said, "God!?" God responded, "Yes?" And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?" "Go right ahead," God said. "God, what is a million years to you?" God said, "A million years to me is only a second." "Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?" God said, "A million dollars to me is as a penny." So the man said, "God, can I have a penny?" And God cheerfully said, "Sure! Just a second."


Investigator: Joseph Smith's teachings just don't make sense to me.

Missionary: Why not?

Investigator: If God had a mother-in-law, He would have never commanded polygamy.

This is one reason I've always loved the Brother Jake videos on YouTube... they're funny, quick, and cover a lot of the problems (and apologetic responses) to some major issues.

alas wrote: ↑

Wed May 08, 2019 2:01 pm

Newme wrote: ↑

Wed May 08, 2019 10:33 am

I just came across a quote:

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny, or they’ll kill you.”- B. Wilder

So, in effort to help others while preserving our lives, brainstorm with me...
How can we tell ugly truths about the lds church in humorous ways?

http://www.lolpix.com/_pics/Funny_Pictu ... 155720.jpg

I resemble that remark.

deacon blues wrote: ↑

Wed May 08, 2019 2:07 pm

Hey alas, I saw that coming.

A man was praying to God. He said, "God!?" God responded, "Yes?" And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?" "Go right ahead," God said. "God, what is a million years to you?" God said, "A million years to me is only a second." "Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?" God said, "A million dollars to me is as a penny." So the man said, "God, can I have a penny?" And God cheerfully said, "Sure! Just a second."


Investigator: Joseph Smith's teachings just don't make sense to me.

Missionary: Why not?

Investigator: If God had a mother-in-law, He would have never commanded polygamy.

I love it!

jfro18 wrote: ↑

Wed May 08, 2019 6:06 pm

This is one reason I've always loved the Brother Jake videos on YouTube... they're funny, quick, and cover a lot of the problems (and apologetic responses) to some major issues.

Thanks! I hadn’t heard of him before.
He states - word-for-word sometimes - how many TBMs justify illogical & often unethical church ways. I wonder what TBMs would think after watching them.

I just watched this one:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=r4Oa7o2N-ds#dialog

A few months ago our grandson asked his mom, "When's my birthday?" "Feb. 15," she replied. "No way, that's the same day as last year!" he exclaimed.

jfro18 wrote: ↑

Wed May 08, 2019 6:06 pm

This is one reason I've always loved the Brother Jake videos on YouTube... they're funny, quick, and cover a lot of the problems (and apologetic responses) to some major issues.

Brother Jake's early videos have a really subtle satire. I had to watch a few before I figured out that he was an unbeliever mimicing a believer. He's the Stephen Colbert of the LDS world.

Corsair wrote: ↑

Thu May 09, 2019 9:51 am

jfro18 wrote: ↑

Wed May 08, 2019 6:06 pm

This is one reason I've always loved the Brother Jake videos on YouTube... they're funny, quick, and cover a lot of the problems (and apologetic responses) to some major issues.

Brother Jake's early videos have a really subtle satire. I had to watch a few before I figured out that he was an unbeliever mimicing a believer. He's the Stephen Colbert of the LDS world.

When I first found out about all of this -- I found the CES Letter on Google after I had my mental snap and needed to know -- I found Brother Jake pretty early on and I'm not sure why.

Anyway... I would listen to them and just have this combination of laughing out loud and being completely frustrated that all of it was kept from me and how they would explain it away so dishonestly.

He does such a great job - I really hope he's doing better health wise because those laughs in those early days were really needed. I think you're right that he got less subtle as he continued on, although he still does a great job of keeping it as light as you can with this stuff.

If only I could get my loved ones to watch them...

Why should you always take two Mormons on a fishing trip?
Because if you only take one he'll drink all the beer.

A man died and went to heaven. When he arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter welcomed him and took him on a tour. They came upon a group of people living around a gorgeous cathedral. "This is Catholic heaven," said Peter. They passed a group listening to a sermon. "This is Baptist heaven." They walked by a group working in a field. "This is Mennonite heaven." Then they were walking past a huge wall. "Why is this wall here?" said the man. "On the other side is Mormon heaven, and keep your voice down. They think they're the only ones up here."

Three Mormons died. At the Pearly Gates, Peter asked the first, "How many times did you commit adultery?" "Never." "Then you get a brand new Cadillac." Peter asked the second, "How many times did you commit adultery?" "Just once." "You get a used Buick." Peter asked the third the same question. "Just twice," was the reply. "You get a beat up clunker." The three were then allowed to drive around heaven. The person in the Cadillac passed the person in the clunker who was laughing hysterically. "Why are you laughing so hard?" Clunker person responded, "I just saw my bishop on roller skates."

I really need to find out who did this. Because I'm pretty sure that person is my soul mate.

Thanks for the laughs!

MoPag wrote: ↑

Fri May 10, 2019 9:20 am

I really need to find out who did this. Because I'm pretty sure that person is my soul mate.

soulmate.png

1 Samuel 28:7 “Saul then said to his attendants, "Find me a woman who is a medium, so I may go and inquire of her." "There is one in Endor," they said.”

Endor was notable for being the native home of the Ewoks.

https://youtu.be/P6kAbJvVVGs

Rome Temple Baptismal Font

jfro18 wrote: ↑

Thu May 09, 2019 10:09 am

Corsair wrote: ↑

Thu May 09, 2019 9:51 am

jfro18 wrote: ↑

Wed May 08, 2019 6:06 pm

This is one reason I've always loved the Brother Jake videos on YouTube... they're funny, quick, and cover a lot of the problems (and apologetic responses) to some major issues.

Brother Jake's early videos have a really subtle satire. I had to watch a few before I figured out that he was an unbeliever mimicing a believer. He's the Stephen Colbert of the LDS world.

When I first found out about all of this -- I found the CES Letter on Google after I had my mental snap and needed to know -- I found Brother Jake pretty early on and I'm not sure why.

Anyway... I would listen to them and just have this combination of laughing out loud and being completely frustrated that all of it was kept from me and how they would explain it away so dishonestly.

He does such a great job - I really hope he's doing better health wise because those laughs in those early days were really needed. I think you're right that he got less subtle as he continued on, although he still does a great job of keeping it as light as you can with this stuff.

If only I could get my loved ones to watch them...

I hadn't realized that Brother Jake had a cardiac arrest. I can't find any information since December. Does anyone know if he's recovering?

I know this is a humor thread, so I'll share two church experiences from back in the day.

1. On the week of 4th of July, We sang the national anthem for the opening hymn. At the end...and the home of the brave. Some little primary kid shouted out, "PLAY BALL!". His parents were horrified and there was much (evil) laughter during the invocation.

2. The very old lady (seemed old to me back then) who typed up the sacrament program goofed up an announcement from the ward bulletin. Instead of saying..."All primary children will sing in sacrament meeting..." She wrote, "All primary children will sin in sacrament meeting..." She was so embarrassed.

hmb wrote: ↑

Fri May 17, 2019 6:18 am

I hadn't realized that Brother Jake had a cardiac arrest. I can't find any information since December. Does anyone know if he's recovering?

He's definitely recovering - he was briefly on an Infants on Thrones podcast a month or so ago after the LGBT Nov 15 revelation was trashed.

The last detailed report I got was that he was in good spirits but has a long road ahead of physical therapy. I hope he recovers fully because he is a really funny dude and helped me when I first discovered all of this stuff. His videos are amazing, and his contributions on the IoT podcasts are great.

Calvin:
“When a person pauses in mid sentence to choose a word, that’s the best time to jump in & change the subject!
It’s like an intersection in football! You grab the other guy’s idea & run the opposite way with it!
The more sentences you complete, the higher your score! The idea is to block the other guy’s thoughts & express your own! That’s how you win!
Hobbes:
“Conversations aren’t contests!
Calvin:
“Ok a point for you, but I’m still ahead.”