Need help with a response

[crossmyheart]

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3650

I have referred to this before- not sure if the link above will work or not...We had an aggressive primary prez last summer who kept asking to take my children to church activities. I had to be aggressive back with her after being nice way too long.

New scenario- same request. Someone from church keeps offering to take my DD to YW activities. I know they mean well because I have offered the very same thing to inactive families. Looking back I KNOW I did it with good intentions but with an underlying judgement of superiority. I am not the kind of parent that allows random people to take my children to anything. However, I am in a different situation this time and I need to play nice.

If they are not attending it is either because 1. I don't want them to attend, or 2. we are too busy.

What is a good response to people who offer to drive my children to church that relays how insulting that feels without crossing over too far to the side of rude?

[Red Ryder]

Stop over thinking this.

“Thanks for the offer, I might take you up on it in the future!”

You can say no and not burn the bridge.

Or you can burn the bridge...

[jfro18]

Stop over thinking this.

“Thanks for the offer, I might take you up on it in the future!”

You can say no and not burn the bridge.

Or you can burn the bridge...

Agree 100% -- nothing wrong with saying "We're good for now, but I'll let you know if we change our mind later"or something that is letting them know you don't want it now while leaving the door open.

Otherwise you would need to just be pretty upfront and say something like "I don't want my kids there as we don't believe the church is true" and then just walk away from the wreckage.

[RubinHighlander]

I ran into a similar situation while we were walking the line and reducing attendance. The bishopric execsec was trying to get our teenage DD into an annual interview with a member of the BR. I kept putting him off then he eventually contacted DD directly. I finally put my foot down, thanked him for his efforts and told him I understood he was just trying to do his job, but that DD would not be doing the interview now or in the future. I told him the bishop could contact me directly if he had any questions but there was to be no further direct contact with DD. Well that set off red flags and then I started getting the requests to come in for an interview. I told the execsec no on that request as well. I told him I'd be happy to chat with the bishop via email or go to lunch sometime but I would not be going to his office for an interview. The bishop finally set a date with me to do lunch, but as I thought about it I just knew it was not going to go well. It was a few days later I sent the resignation email. It was just better to finally say no than drag it out; seems there was just no way to fade into the sunset, at least not in some wards.

It's important to set the rules if you don't want to submit to their authority, just tell them no as directly and nicely as you can. This is rinse and repeat as long as you are on the records, leaders rotate out and new zealots enter the picture. You are a topic of discussion at Ward counsels and they try to think of lots of ways to get you or your kids to come back. I love that scene in Singles Ward where they show up at his apartment, trying to entice him to get active and he says that those tactics could not be used against him because he knew them so well when he used them.

[Somegirl]

I like some of the other suggestions that have been offered. What form of communication did this person use? My neighbor texted me a week or so ago to tell me that her (grown) daughter is my son’s primary teacher. And if he ever wants to go to primary, she’s happy to sit with him. I just ignored the text. She hasn’t brought it up in person, but if she asks, I’ll just say something like “thanks, I’ll keep that in mind”. Some of these situations are so hard to navigate. I want to try to keep a decent relationship with my neighbor, as we have both been here for a long time. We put each other’s trash cans out, bring each other treats (specifically relating to diet - food allergies/restrictions), watch houses if out of town, etc. Thats been hard to find, as my neighborhood isn’t very friendly.

This got long (as my replies usually do)... good luck! It’s a tricky thing to navigate.

[moksha]

My parents let the neighbors take me to Church with them not because they wanted my head filled with Mormon doctrine, but because they thought it would help me fit in socially in an area with a preponderance of Mormons. That turned out to be an erroneous judgment because Mormons do not treat each other kindly when they are the majority of the population.