Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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Meilingkie
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Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

Post by Meilingkie » Sat Jun 08, 2019 9:22 am

Today I made the mistake of posting on Reddit what I feel about kids. About my vasectomy. About many things.

Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one, and they often stink.

Quote
Well, I do feel the need to tell a cautionary tale here. Because life can throw you curveballs.

Dutch convert, had 2 kids and little contact with my own parents and extended family.
My kids grew up knowing virtually only the mormon side.
It hurt my mom so much.
And actually my kids felt more like a project of my wife than an integral part of my life.


When I still was LDS I never gave all of the above a second thought.
However now I’m 41, divorced, have 2 adult kids.
Kids I don’t really know, kids I had little say in, kids who do love me and their grandparents, but with a distant relationship.

I wish I could have a second shot, a new clutch of eggs now. With a woman who truly loves me for me, and not because I’m just a guy who was: willing, available and acceptable because her parents would not object (LDS).

Had the vasectomy 7 years back. I regret it immensely. It’s not that back then it was a bad decision. In retrospect however it was.
The curveball.

If I find that special one, snd she desires to have children. That becomes a rather difficult talk, and the restoration is not guaranteed.
Unquote

Is it just me?
Or do many Redditors simply lack a nuanced view.
A humane view, empathy, and the like
"Getting the Mormon out of the Church is easier than getting the Mormon out of the Ex-Mormon"

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FiveFingerMnemonic
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Re: Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

Post by FiveFingerMnemonic » Sat Jun 08, 2019 6:47 pm

Yes reddit seems to attract a different breed. The dialogue is less refined and mature in many cases.

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Red Ryder
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Re: Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

Post by Red Ryder » Sun Jun 09, 2019 6:56 am

You’re just a love sick puppy Meilinkie! :lol:

Alot of people really cringe at post divorce new relationship induced vasectomy reversal and 2nd round of children creation.

Especially after age 40.

First thoughts are why?

But people aren’t emotionally involved so it’s easy to say WTF?

Hopefully you and your new lady can find happiness with or with seeing a urologist!
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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Meilingkie
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Re: Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

Post by Meilingkie » Sun Jun 09, 2019 10:39 am

Well Red Ryder,

Lovesick, not yet. But since I live with my parents my mom and dad have said more than once they have had great pain about missing my children’s childhood.
And I feel the same, I have 2 kids but they were mostly “hers”.

So yes, that’s a big reason.
And yes, I have the same doubts.
"Getting the Mormon out of the Church is easier than getting the Mormon out of the Ex-Mormon"

Wonderment
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Re: Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

Post by Wonderment » Sun Jun 09, 2019 5:18 pm

If I find that special one, snd she desires to have children. That becomes a rather difficult talk, and the restoration is not guaranteed.
Unquote

Is it just me?
Or do many Redditors simply lack a nuanced view.
A humane view, empathy, and the like
You are still a young man; and it might be a good idea to consult a medical specialist to get as much information as possible. With many young men still in their 40's considering the possibility of re-marrying, I would think that doctors hear these questions all the time. Hopefully they can be of great help. Whatever you decide, best wishes to you. :)

Just my opinion on Reddit -- Many of the people there are so angry, and they are so absorbed with their own issues, that sometimes it is difficult to have an articulate or productive conversation there. I'm not a big follower of Reddit, because I need to read something more edifying than "F the church". I totally understand why people feel that way, but it doesn't make for a productive intellectual dialogue. JMO. -- Wndr.

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Dravin
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Re: Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

Post by Dravin » Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:16 am

FiveFingerMnemonic wrote:
Sat Jun 08, 2019 6:47 pm
Yes reddit seems to attract a different breed. The dialogue is less refined and mature in many cases.
It isn't just the r/exmormon corner either, there seems to be a certain culture on Reddit at large that can make it an acquired taste. At the end of the day as I calmed down and moved past wanting to just angrily rant into the void about the church with a group of back-up singers I moved on from r/exmormon (still on Reddit for work rants, booze, and video gaming though).
Hindsight is all well and good... until you trip.

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græy
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Re: Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

Post by græy » Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:41 am

I uninstalled my reddit client from my phone a couple of weeks ago. I first started browsing r/exmormon when there were ~30k members. I have no idea what the number is now, but the general atmosphere of that sub has definitely changed. I miss the researched, thought-out discussions from mithryn.

Our own jfro18 has some good items he posts on there occasionally, but those posts are definitely the minority. These days its all cheap facebook memes, or posts along the lines of "I thought I had researched everything about the church, and then I found out we had a history before 1945! I am so mad!"

I may be getting a bit judgmental here. But it gets frustrating having put in years worth of study, book after book after book, to then see the vast majority of /r/exmos spew so much hate after reading the first 15 pages of the CES letter and stopping there. There is very little by way of debate or thoughtful consideration. Just reaction.
Well, I'm better than dirt! Ah, well... most kinds of dirt; not that fancy store-bought dirt; that stuff is loaded with nutrients. I can't compete with that stuff. -Moe Sizlack

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slavereeno
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Re: Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

Post by slavereeno » Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:12 pm

I still go there. There are times when I need the angst because it feels good. That is something I need to get past. I still feel trapped and forced into my current level of Mormonism. I still have family that treats me like I have an infectious disease. I still have to deal with people that believe it all and talk of NOTHING else of any substance. I need the selfie parades, to remind me there may be some nice happy people on the other side of this. I also like jfo's posts.

But I am really tired of the the pictures of some booze bottle, the nasty tattoos, the weed, the same stupid meme repeated 4 times, and the McKenna Denson and NNN drama.

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Corsair
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Re: Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

Post by Corsair » Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:27 pm

slavereeno wrote:
Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:12 pm
But I am really tired of the the pictures of some booze bottle, the nasty tattoos, the weed, the same stupid meme repeated 4 times, and the McKenna Denson and NNN drama.
reddit /r/exmormon is like binge watching a really trashy comedy-drama on Netflix. It still might be entertaining, but you know it's unlikely to turn into some erudite show.

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Red Ryder
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Re: Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

Post by Red Ryder » Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:33 pm

slavereeno wrote:
Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:12 pm
I still go there. There are times when I need the angst because it feels good. That is something I need to get past. I still feel trapped and forced into my current level of Mormonism. I still have family that treats me like I have an infectious disease. I still have to deal with people that believe it all and talk of NOTHING else of any substance. I need the selfie parades, to remind me there may be some nice happy people on the other side of this. I also like jfo's posts.

But I am really tired of the the pictures of some booze bottle, the nasty tattoos, the weed, the same stupid meme repeated 4 times, and the McKenna Denson and NNN drama.
We all know the church has infantilized the members. What we see over there is infantilized former Mormons growing up in real time and passing the third grade! It’s literally like watching your kids grow out of their clothes half way through the summer!

4th grade: I drank coffee!
5th grade: I wore a tank top!
6th grade: I chose my own underwear!
7th grade: I went to the lake on Sunday!
8th grade: I got drunk!
9th grade: I made my own decision?!
10th grade: I told my parents “no”!
11th grade: I shopped on Sunday!
12th grade: I lost 90% of my church guilt!
13th grade: I transferred out of BYUI!

By the time exmos really figure it all out they drop out of internet Mormonism and find themselves and build a new life structure.

That’s why recovery from Mormonism is so repetitive!! In 5 years, the exmo content will be a repeat of everything I wrote above. Old podcasts will be replaced with new podcasts. John Larsen simply morphed into Consiglier and RFM. Etc, etc, etc.

How do I know? Because I’ve seen it cycle the same way over and over and over again. It’s repetitive as the sunrise and sunset.

I think the difference in this cycle is the age of people leaving. It’s the kids. That’s why the “no thought” memes and tattoo pictures are everywhere.

Intellectual discussions have left the sub-Reddit because nobody has to do any form of personal research. They simply browse the CES letter, see a homophobic Oaks meme, and want to drink coffee and {{{POOF}}} they are out!
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

Wonderment
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Re: Exmo-Reddit, sometimes I just can’t handle it

Post by Wonderment » Fri Jun 21, 2019 12:23 am

Corsair wrote:
Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:27 pm
slavereeno wrote:
Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:12 pm
But I am really tired of the the pictures of some booze bottle, the nasty tattoos, the weed, the same stupid meme repeated 4 times, and the McKenna Denson and NNN drama.
reddit /r/exmormon is like binge watching a really trashy comedy-drama on Netflix. It still might be entertaining, but you know it's unlikely to turn into some erudite show.

Exactly........ Points very well taken. :roll: -- Wndr.

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