The awkward masturbation talk

[Red Ryder]

Anyone ever have a masturbation talk that didn’t go very well? I had an unexpected masturbation talk over the weekend that popped up at an inconvenient time. I wasn’t prepared for it. I always dreaded the talk from my dad and swore I would never make these talks awkward.

Me: I think it’s normal and natural to masturbate. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

Her: uh, (awkward postering) I don’t know. Isn’t it a sin?

Me: (thinking to myself, this is really weird conversation to be having...) why do you think it’s a sin?

Her: I was taught it was during YW lessons and the law of chastity implies it. Besides, I don’t want to feel guilty.

Me: you shouldn’t feel guilty. It’s a normal thing to do. You should probably always remember to lock your bedroom door. Don’t feel like you have to ever confess. The bishop doesn’t need to know your personal business.

Her: um.... yeah I probably won’t by myself but thanks for the conversation. You're a great husband even if you forgot to charge the vibrator!

[RubinHighlander]

LOL! Oh man, thanks for sharing. I think this will always feel like an awkward topic for me, just because of the years of programming. Good advice: keep the toilet seat down and the vibrator charged!

[slavereeno]

Just when I think I am safe lurking here I read one of these posts RR.

I was raised Mormon, I have experienced no fewer than 50 talks, conversations, pamphlets about masturbation that were all freaky uncomfortable and weird.

Now I've got the "Little Factory" musical running on my "Mind Stage," It starts with an animation of the cover of Boyd K Packer's Pamphlet which sprouts arms and legs and dances and sings to "Come, Come Ye Saints"

[oliblish]

Just when I think I am safe lurking here I read one of these posts RR.

I was raised Mormon, I have experienced no fewer than 50 talks, conversations, pamphlets about masturbation that were all freaky uncomfortable and weird.

Now I've got the "Little Factory" musical running on my "Mind Stage," It starts with an animation of the cover of Boyd K Packer's Pamphlet which sprouts arms and legs and dances and sings to "Come, Come Ye Saints"

Here is the Infants on Thrones version of the musical, sung by BKP himself, followed by a pocast about that very pamphlet:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZvNG0_3sUI&t=61

[wtfluff]

Me: you shouldn’t feel guilty. It’s a normal thing to do. You should probably always remember to lock your bedroom door. Don’t feel like you have to ever confess. The bishop doesn’t need to know your personal business.

Fluffy addition, If the awkward conversation is with one of your kids: You don't have to confess to the bishop, and your mother doesn't need to know either!

[moksha]

Now I've got the "Little Factory" musical running on my "Mind Stage," It starts with an animation of the cover of Boyd K Packer's Pamphlet which sprouts arms and legs and dances and sings to "Come, Come Ye Saints"

Elder Packer realized that masturbation was an industrial problem and that management needed to shut down all those little factories before labor produced a supply side economy. He wished to tie labor's hands to the bedposts before the oversupply was reached. His assumption what that if you shackle the labor force before it can mature then it will remain forever obedient and dutifully pay tithes and other fees.

Sometimes labor needs to break its chains and buzz free.

[Somegirl]

Anyone ever have a masturbation talk that didn’t go very well?

Totally. Hubby’s friend and (friend’s) wife told me all about his experiment with masturbating after leaving the church. Guess what?! He didn’t feel guilty at all!! While I’m happy that the guilt and shame have gone, I really would have been ok not knowing about that experience...

[Wonderment]

Me: I think it’s normal and natural to masturbate. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

Her: uh, (awkward postering) I don’t know. Isn’t it a sin?

The fact that the church is involved with this topic and insists on shaming its members or prying into their personal lives is one of the reasons why church membership will continue to decline ( even in the Morridor where it seems as if every neighborhood is 100% Mormon). It's ridiculous, overbearing, and highly oppressive for the church to be involved in anyone's personal life to this extent.

NO ONE -- not your kids, your spouse, your relatives - NO ONE should have to answer any bishop's prying questions in order to be considered "worthy". It's always infuriated me that the church believes it can control its members to this extent. It's simply ridiculous. - Wndr.

[Hagoth]

Sometimes labor needs to break its chains and buzz free.

Rise up, comrades, the revolution is here! The means of production must be in the hands of the workers!

[Hagoth]

Her: I was taught it was during YW lesson...

First people need to start recognizing the raising of the red flag when they hear that, along with with such sage advice as "my bishop said...," Elder Oaks said...," my seminary teacher said," and "my mom said that my grandma said that Joseph Smith said..."

Then they need to add "the prophet said..." to the red flag list,

Finally they should add, "but Carl Sagan (or Bill Nye) said..."

Have you never noticed that discussion of sexuality and masturbation never includes the statement "Jesus said..."?

[moksha]

Rise up, comrades, the revolution is here! The means of production must be in the hands of the workers!

"The needs of the one and the needs of the many can at times be the same thing."
-- The Erotic Spock, Roddenberry-Penguin Books

[The Beast]

Just when I think I am safe lurking here I read one of these posts RR.

I was raised Mormon, I have experienced no fewer than 50 talks, conversations, pamphlets about masturbation that were all freaky uncomfortable and weird.

Now I've got the "Little Factory" musical running on my "Mind Stage," It starts with an animation of the cover of Boyd K Packer's Pamphlet which sprouts arms and legs and dances and sings to "Come, Come Ye Saints"

How did Jimmy Marsden get on the cover of that pamphlet?

[Spicy McHaggis]

[/quote]How did Jimmy Marsden get on the cover of that pamphlet?[/quote]

Maybe he was a masturbation All-Star so they awarded him with the additional shame and guilt by putting him on the pamphlet.

[Newme]

Have you never noticed that discussion of sexuality and masturbation never includes the other statement "Jesus said..."?

Yes, I have.
https://youtu.be/T8U4xe41eY4