How to find a good marriage counselor

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Deepthinker
Posts: 298
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 1:40 pm

Re: How to find a good marriage counselor

Post by Deepthinker » Thu Oct 22, 2020 10:25 am

oliblish wrote:
Wed Oct 21, 2020 3:43 pm
Deepthinker wrote:
Thu Oct 15, 2020 3:45 pm
oliblish wrote:
Tue Oct 13, 2020 6:53 pm
Well, my wife finally told me she wants to get a divorce today. I guess it is probably for the best. I don't think it has much to do with the church, but that may have been what pushed things over the tipping point. Things have been dead in our marriage for a long time. I agree that there is not much to try to salvage at this point. At least I think we will be able to be civil about it and we both agree we don't want lawyers to take all of our assets.

Any veterans of divorce have any good advice?
Not a veteran, but it looks like I'm getting close to divorce too. You're not alone in this. It's good that it sounds like an uncontested divorce is a possibility. I've talked with a few divorce lawyers, but I'm not one, so take what I say with that in mind. I would start deciding how things will go with kids, if you have kids, and then look at how best to divide assets. Do what you can to figure things out on how to do an uncontested divorce. Some attorneys should give you a fixed price to file everything and give walk you through things. If you're in Utah, there is a child support calculator online if you need to pay child support.
I replied to this post several days ago but I guess something went wrong and it disappeared...

There shouldn't be any child support or alimony. We both work and have similar incomes. Our children are all adults, just our youngest lives at home due to some learning disabilities (that will likely add some complexity). I will look into what it takes to do an uncontested divorce.

It is kind of discouraging to see what I can buy with the funds from my half of our house. Just a 3BR townhome here in the south Salt Lake/North Utah County area goes for around 350K+ lately. The places I have looked at are all crammed into a very small space and are teaming with young TBM families with little kids. I don't know that I will fit in very well in such a place as a divorced apostate in my 50s. I don't want to go much further north because I would like to be close to my kids and my work. I will probably end up renting for a while. Maybe I can rent the basement in my own house :lol: .

Our family and friends will be completely shocked when they find out about this. We have been faking a good marriage for years. When I was young my parents had a bad marriage, but when the home teachers came over we would act like everything was great. I kind of assumed that most marriages were that way. My parents did end up getting divorced when I was on my mission.

I have not been open about my disbelief with family and friends except my wife and my children. That will probably add to the shock. I will likely be seen as the bad guy in the divorce because of my disbelief.

I am sure there will be good to come from all of this. But right now I am not seeing it yet.
That's Ok, sorry I'm just seeing your reply now. :)

It sounds like you don't have much to work out other than the splitting of assets then. With a relatively simple case, I know there are many attorneys that would charge you a fixed fee of a few hundred dollars to do all the filing work for you.

I've been looking for places to rent too and it's discouraging. Almost easier to put money down on something and buy it with amount you'd have to pay in rent for one person. I understand the desire to be closer to your kids, as much as I'd want to get out of Utah, they will keep me here.

Lol, I've thought about renting the basement in my own house too. My wife said that if I leave her, there is no way she would let me live in the basement, and that she would never want to see me again. I reminded her that wouldn't be possible because we'd always be connected with our kids.

I came out with my unbelief to my family this summer, as one more step toward leaving my wife. Overall, the response was much better than I had expected. All 6 siblings said it doesn't change anything with how they see me, or how they love me. My Dad was the most difficult, and I knew he would be. He said he was floored for days, kind of in a shock. Just know that telling them will be what it will be, and if it affects the relationship and how they view you as a person, that's on them.

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oliblish
Posts: 311
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 11:09 pm

Re: How to find a good marriage counselor

Post by oliblish » Fri Feb 12, 2021 3:07 pm

Update:

I am packing my belongings getting ready to move out tomorrow. I will be in an apartment until my new place is done.

Things have gone pretty smoothly. We are trying to avoid attorneys and the fees they charge. We did arbitration and have worked most things out. We have a few more things to decide but we should be able to come to an agreement. Papers will be filed soon maybe even today.

Family has been supportive which is nice. It is hard but I think this will be for the better in the long run.

I would like to thank all of you for your encouragement and support.
Stands next to Kolob, called by the Egyptians Oliblish, which is the next grand governing creation near to the celestial or the place where God resides; holding the key of power also, pertaining to other planets; as revealed from God to Abraham

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