Grooming

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Thoughtful
Posts: 926
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:54 pm

Grooming

Post by Thoughtful » Sun Nov 03, 2019 11:15 am

You guys.

I am realizing how traumatized I am. I can't deal with people being nice to my children. I don't trust that people have benign or good motives anymore.

Last night at a football game, my kiddo was next to an older man. He gave them candy, offered them a blanket. I think he was just being nice and was for the most part very occupied with the game.

I moved my kid to a different seat. Another man behind them helped them not spill their popcorn and I was watching his hands like a hawk.

Idk what I'm asking for with this post.

Anon70
Posts: 585
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 11:56 pm

Re: Grooming

Post by Anon70 » Sun Nov 03, 2019 11:22 am

I hear you. When my kids were little I wouldn’t let them sit by other people or go to the bathroom alone. The more sex offenders are in the news the more anxious I get about littles.

Thoughtful
Posts: 926
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:54 pm

Re: Grooming

Post by Thoughtful » Sun Nov 03, 2019 11:24 am

Anon70 wrote:
Sun Nov 03, 2019 11:22 am
I hear you. When my kids were little I wouldn’t let them sit by other people or go to the bathroom alone. The more sex offenders are in the news the more anxious I get about littles.
My older child was victimized by a relative. I realize strange men at a football game are much less likely but I can't feel normal. I miss my innnocent worldview and simultaneously hate my old naivete.

Anon70
Posts: 585
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 11:56 pm

Re: Grooming

Post by Anon70 » Sun Nov 03, 2019 3:02 pm

Thoughtful wrote:
Sun Nov 03, 2019 11:24 am
Anon70 wrote:
Sun Nov 03, 2019 11:22 am
I hear you. When my kids were little I wouldn’t let them sit by other people or go to the bathroom alone. The more sex offenders are in the news the more anxious I get about littles.
My older child was victimized by a relative. I realize strange men at a football game are much less likely but I can't feel normal. I miss my innnocent worldview and simultaneously hate my old naivete.
I’m so sorry Thoughtful!! I can’t imagine how awful. Sending virtual hugs.

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alas
Posts: 1287
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 2:10 pm

Re: Grooming

Post by alas » Sun Nov 03, 2019 4:55 pm

It takes time to learn to trust the world again. Mothers are taught to watch out for strangers who might be out to molest their children. But nobody even warns you that the first thing a perpetrator does is gain the parent’s trust, or that it could be a relative...most likely is a relative.

It took me years to even trust my husband with my kids, his kids. So, yeah, I know what you are dealing with. It helps to remind yourself that your kids trust you enough that they will come to you if something happens. Then you believed them. Those two things are the most important. The kids that are most harmed are the ones who fall into one of those two categories. Those children who don’t have that kind of relationship with their parents or have a perp who can frighten the children into not telling are the ones who can be abused for years and the being alone and unsupported with the abuse. The other category in my experience is the most damaged and those are the kids who try to tell and are not believed or protected from the abuser. Those kids whose own parents, or most often the mother when the father is the abuser, take the side of the perp, either by putting the prep’s needs ahead of the victim’s or simply not believing the victim.

So, you keep telling yourself that you did not fail to protect your child because she came to you and you believed her and protected her. You really should never have to fear that a relative will molest, so that isn’t a failure on your part. As you learn to trust yourself to protect your kids, you will find that fear of someone sitting by them or being friendly will lessen.

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Linked
Posts: 995
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 4:04 pm

Re: Grooming

Post by Linked » Mon Nov 04, 2019 12:57 pm

I walked my 8 year old son to the church men's room yesterday and watched him walk in the door after a man from another ward. It took me about 3 seconds imagining something horrible happening for me to walk in and wait at the back of the room.

Before having kids I would have thought I was crazy to be worried about that. The possibilities are still so remote I wonder if it is a justifiable concern. But if it were to happen and I were just standing out in the hall I would have a hard time living with myself.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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