Going to grow a pair

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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Mackman
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Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2018 10:03 am

Going to grow a pair

Post by Mackman » Mon Nov 25, 2019 6:10 pm

I have decided its time !!! Time I do whats best for me . I have decided to never go back to the lds church no matter what. I am going to go to a church of my choice ( undecided yet) maybe the wife throws me out accepts it or joins me ? I dont care which one she chooses !!!! It has become important enough for me to choose and grow a pair like my mom told me before she died two years ago. My wife has pushed me over the edge 41 years married and I am taking charge !!! .
Last edited by Mackman on Mon Dec 02, 2019 7:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

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1smartdodog
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Re: Going to grow a pair

Post by 1smartdodog » Mon Nov 25, 2019 10:36 pm

Good luck, hope it works out. My wife realized one day how agonizing it was for me to sit in church and listen to the nonsense. She never makes me go and only goes about half the time herself now.


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“Five percent of the people think; ten percent of the people think they think; and the other eighty-five percent would rather die than think.”
― Thomas A. Edison

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Palerider
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Re: Going to grow a pair

Post by Palerider » Tue Nov 26, 2019 12:35 am

1smartdodog wrote:
Mon Nov 25, 2019 10:36 pm
Good luck, hope it works out. My wife realized one day how agonizing it was for me to sit in church and listen to the nonsense. She never makes me go and only goes about half the time herself now.


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My situation was similar. My wife knew I had dedicated my life to the church and that having come to see it as the fraud that it is, it would take some really damaging information to change my heart. She also knew that I was only going so that she wouldn't be seen as a church widow. She could see how painful it was. After being married for 33 yrs. she knew me well enough to know I was never "going back".
That's when she started her own studies and reached her own conclusions.

I don't like to think that I persuaded her at all. I tried not to say much unless she brought it up as a topic. But I think she trusted my character enough to know that I don't take this stuff lightly and I do things for the right reason.

I hope for Mackman's sake that his wife trusts his motives and his judgement.

I read so many of the stories here and it seems like the "believing" spouse just has very little confidence in the heart and character of the other. I wonder what it must be like to live with someone like that who doesn't respect you even if you were both still believers???
"There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily."

"Truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to bring it to light."

George Washington

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alas
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Re: Going to grow a pair

Post by alas » Tue Nov 26, 2019 8:15 am

Palerider wrote:
Tue Nov 26, 2019 12:35 am
1smartdodog wrote:
Mon Nov 25, 2019 10:36 pm
Good luck, hope it works out. My wife realized one day how agonizing it was for me to sit in church and listen to the nonsense. She never makes me go and only goes about half the time herself now.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
My situation was similar. My wife knew I had dedicated my life to the church and that having come to see it as the fraud that it is, it would take some really damaging information to change my heart. She also knew that I was only going so that she wouldn't be seen as a church widow. She could see how painful it was. After being married for 33 yrs. she knew me well enough to know I was never "going back".
That's when she started her own studies and reached her own conclusions.

I don't like to think that I persuaded her at all. I tried not to say much unless she brought it up as a topic. But I think she trusted my character enough to know that I don't take this stuff lightly and I do things for the right reason.

I hope for Mackman's sake that his wife trusts his motives and his judgement.

I read so many of the stories here and it seems like the "believing" spouse just has very little confidence in the heart and character of the other. I wonder what it must be like to live with someone like that who doesn't respect you even if you were both still believers???
Good luck Mack an. I hope your wife accepts you as you are, rather than only being willing to love you if you are what she wants.

My husband is like Palerider’s. He trust me enough to know that if I gave livening Mormon a fair shot, and found that it doesn’t work for me, then it just doesn’t work for me.

But he also trusts the God he believes in that God will be fair and if Mormonism is correct, then God will look at me and Say, “I am sorry that the people around you were so false that it made Mormonism false” and He will judge the things “prophets” did and not judge me for seeing truth and for seeing evil and calling it evil.

It helps that I was open with him about some of how I struggled with the church.

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Corsair
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Location: Phoenix

Re: Going to grow a pair

Post by Corsair » Tue Nov 26, 2019 8:45 am

Mackman wrote:
Mon Nov 25, 2019 6:10 pm
t has become important enough for me to choose and grow a pair like my mom told me before she died two years ago. My wife has pushed me over the edge 41 years married and I am taking charge !!! .
When I first saw the topic title, I first registered it as "Going to grow a tapir" which would have been a very different conversation. They have a specialized diet and regularly make a mess of their enclosure.

Instead, I wish you all the best in this kind of decision. I still attend my ward simply for supporting my wife, but I gave up tithing and most of the Word of Wisdom. It was a good way to change how I live by simply doing what I thought was best after my wife really did not want to engage with my religious struggle.

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Red Ryder
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Re: Going to grow a pair

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:16 am

Corsair wrote:
Tue Nov 26, 2019 8:45 am
Mackman wrote:
Mon Nov 25, 2019 6:10 pm
t has become important enough for me to choose and grow a pair like my mom told me before she died two years ago. My wife has pushed me over the edge 41 years married and I am taking charge !!! .
When I first saw the topic title, I first registered it as "Going to grow a tapir" which would have been a very different conversation. They have a specialized diet and regularly make a mess of their enclosure.

Instead, I wish you all the best in this kind of decision. I still attend my ward simply for supporting my wife, but I gave up tithing and most of the Word of Wisdom. It was a good way to change how I live by simply doing what I thought was best after my wife really did not want to engage with my religious struggle.
If only Corsair was an apostle!

Band-aids need to be ripped off so wounds can heal. Scars are cool to if healing takes forever.

So Mack, what’s your plan here? What if she shows you the door? Or leaves herself? Or calls the Bishop, Stake President, or local church security?

You should be putting together an idea how this plays out. At a minimum, buy a new pillow that sleeps well on the couch!
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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slk
Posts: 88
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 8:51 am

Re: Going to grow a pair

Post by slk » Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:21 pm

Good for you Macman! I had to grow a pair to stand up to my mom when I was in my forties since she was constantly quizzing me about the church. The wife doesn't attend anymore but is still TBM. My deep conversations and bashing on the church has to be left at work.

Not to get off topic (like I always do) but on another occasion, I had to take a stand when our family was assigned new home teachers. One of them was very high up in the church, i.e. stake presidency yada yada yada. He was putting me on the spot for not going to church in front of my family. Needless to say, within a few weeks I had my old home teachers coming back to my house. I thought, no way in hell am I going to let this guy come into my house and make me feel so uneasy. I was probably the first guy in history of our ward to fire the HTers. So sometimes you just gotta put the foot down and not be so afraid of people getting their feelers hurt.

Mackman
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2018 10:03 am

Re: Going to grow a pair

Post by Mackman » Wed Nov 27, 2019 6:37 am

Well in a strange twist of events , she caved !!!!!! I guess I gave a little too. I get to have my coffee at work keep my apostate views including posting on NOM but go to church with her , Temple occasionally and we dont discuss church Bullshit !!! Pretty much the way Corsair has it !!!! She says I can fake it till I make it. I told her Ive already made it . So we agreed to leave it there just let things muddle along the NOM path. Seems like it can work it has for 5 years now it only blows up when she tries to push harder , I can bullshit the bullshiters as good as anybody I think she learned a valuable lesson . Dont poke a sleeping bear with a stick!!!!!

Kishkumen
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Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 11:39 pm

Re: Going to grow a pair

Post by Kishkumen » Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:38 am

Congrats!

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Hagoth
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Re: Going to grow a pair

Post by Hagoth » Tue Dec 10, 2019 7:11 pm

Corsair wrote:
Tue Nov 26, 2019 8:45 am
When I first saw the topic title, I first registered it as "Going to grow a tapir" which would have been a very different conversation.
I noticed this topic moved to directly above "Breasts in the news," and my brain tried to combine them into a single topic.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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Raylan Givens
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Joined: Sat Dec 17, 2016 12:09 am

Re: Going to grow a pair

Post by Raylan Givens » Wed Dec 11, 2019 11:00 pm

Mackman wrote:
Wed Nov 27, 2019 6:37 am
Well in a strange twist of events , she caved !!!!!! I guess I gave a little too. I get to have my coffee at work keep my apostate views including posting on NOM but go to church with her , Temple occasionally and we dont discuss church Bullshit !!! Pretty much the way Corsair has it !!!! She says I can fake it till I make it. I told her Ive already made it . So we agreed to leave it there just let things muddle along the NOM path. Seems like it can work it has for 5 years now it only blows up when she tries to push harder , I can bullshit the bullshiters as good as anybody I think she learned a valuable lesson . Dont poke a sleeping bear with a stick!!!!!
This worked for my grandpa at about the 40 year point in his marriage. Still working about another 20 years in. People in the ward love him, and come to him more than the BP because he is “real.”
"Ah, you know, I think you use the Bible to do whatever the hell you like" - Raylan Givens

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