Page 1 of 1
Going to grow a pair
Posted: Mon Nov 25, 2019 6:10 pm
by Mackman
I have decided its time !!! Time I do whats best for me . I have decided to never go back to the lds church no matter what. I am going to go to a church of my choice ( undecided yet) maybe the wife throws me out accepts it or joins me ? I dont care which one she chooses !!!! It has become important enough for me to choose and grow a pair like my mom told me before she died two years ago. My wife has pushed me over the edge 41 years married and I am taking charge !!! .
Re: Going to grow a pair
Posted: Mon Nov 25, 2019 10:36 pm
by 1smartdodog
Good luck, hope it works out. My wife realized one day how agonizing it was for me to sit in church and listen to the nonsense. She never makes me go and only goes about half the time herself now.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Re: Going to grow a pair
Posted: Tue Nov 26, 2019 12:35 am
by Palerider
1smartdodog wrote: ↑Mon Nov 25, 2019 10:36 pm
Good luck, hope it works out. My wife realized one day how agonizing it was for me to sit in church and listen to the nonsense. She never makes me go and only goes about half the time herself now.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
My situation was similar. My wife knew I had dedicated my life to the church and that having come to see it as the fraud that it is, it would take some really damaging information to change my heart. She also knew that I was only going so that she wouldn't be seen as a church widow. She could see how painful it was. After being married for 33 yrs. she knew me well enough to know I was never "going back".
That's when she started her own studies and reached her own conclusions.
I don't like to think that I persuaded her at all. I tried not to say much unless she brought it up as a topic. But I think she trusted my character enough to know that I don't take this stuff lightly and I do things for the right reason.
I hope for Mackman's sake that his wife trusts his motives and his judgement.
I read so many of the stories here and it seems like the "believing" spouse just has very little confidence in the heart and character of the other. I wonder what it must be like to live with someone like that who doesn't respect you even if you were both still believers???
Re: Going to grow a pair
Posted: Tue Nov 26, 2019 8:15 am
by alas
Palerider wrote: ↑Tue Nov 26, 2019 12:35 am
1smartdodog wrote: ↑Mon Nov 25, 2019 10:36 pm
Good luck, hope it works out. My wife realized one day how agonizing it was for me to sit in church and listen to the nonsense. She never makes me go and only goes about half the time herself now.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
My situation was similar. My wife knew I had dedicated my life to the church and that having come to see it as the fraud that it is, it would take some really damaging information to change my heart. She also knew that I was only going so that she wouldn't be seen as a church widow. She could see how painful it was. After being married for 33 yrs. she knew me well enough to know I was never "going back".
That's when she started her own studies and reached her own conclusions.
I don't like to think that I persuaded her at all. I tried not to say much unless she brought it up as a topic. But I think she trusted my character enough to know that I don't take this stuff lightly and I do things for the right reason.
I hope for Mackman's sake that his wife trusts his motives and his judgement.
I read so many of the stories here and it seems like the "believing" spouse just has very little confidence in the heart and character of the other. I wonder what it must be like to live with someone like that who doesn't respect you even if you were both still believers???
Good luck Mack an. I hope your wife accepts you as you are, rather than only being willing to love you if you are what she wants.
My husband is like Palerider’s. He trust me enough to know that if I gave livening Mormon a fair shot, and found that it doesn’t work for me, then it just doesn’t work for me.
But he also trusts the God he believes in that God will be fair and if Mormonism is correct, then God will look at me and Say, “I am sorry that the people around you were so false that it made Mormonism false” and He will judge the things “prophets” did and not judge me for seeing truth and for seeing evil and calling it evil.
It helps that I was open with him about some of how I struggled with the church.
Re: Going to grow a pair
Posted: Tue Nov 26, 2019 8:45 am
by Corsair
Mackman wrote: ↑Mon Nov 25, 2019 6:10 pm
t has become important enough for me to choose and grow a pair like my mom told me before she died two years ago. My wife has pushed me over the edge 41 years married and I am taking charge !!! .
When I first saw the topic title, I first registered it as "Going to grow a
tapir" which would have been a very different conversation. They have a specialized diet and regularly make a mess of their enclosure.
Instead, I wish you all the best in this kind of decision. I still attend my ward simply for supporting my wife, but I gave up tithing and most of the Word of Wisdom. It was a good way to change how I live by simply doing what I thought was best after my wife really did not want to engage with my religious struggle.
Re: Going to grow a pair
Posted: Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:16 am
by Red Ryder
Corsair wrote: ↑Tue Nov 26, 2019 8:45 am
Mackman wrote: ↑Mon Nov 25, 2019 6:10 pm
t has become important enough for me to choose and grow a pair like my mom told me before she died two years ago. My wife has pushed me over the edge 41 years married and I am taking charge !!! .
When I first saw the topic title, I first registered it as "Going to grow a
tapir" which would have been a very different conversation. They have a specialized diet and regularly make a mess of their enclosure.
Instead, I wish you all the best in this kind of decision. I still attend my ward simply for supporting my wife, but I gave up tithing and most of the Word of Wisdom. It was a good way to change how I live by simply doing what I thought was best after my wife really did not want to engage with my religious struggle.
If only Corsair was an apostle!
Band-aids need to be ripped off so wounds can heal. Scars are cool to if healing takes forever.
So Mack, what’s your plan here? What if she shows you the door? Or leaves herself? Or calls the Bishop, Stake President, or local church security?
You should be putting together an idea how this plays out. At a minimum, buy a new pillow that sleeps well on the couch!
Re: Going to grow a pair
Posted: Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:21 pm
by slk
Good for you Macman! I had to grow a pair to stand up to my mom when I was in my forties since she was constantly quizzing me about the church. The wife doesn't attend anymore but is still TBM. My deep conversations and bashing on the church has to be left at work.
Not to get off topic (like I always do) but on another occasion, I had to take a stand when our family was assigned new home teachers. One of them was very high up in the church, i.e. stake presidency yada yada yada. He was putting me on the spot for not going to church in front of my family. Needless to say, within a few weeks I had my old home teachers coming back to my house. I thought, no way in hell am I going to let this guy come into my house and make me feel so uneasy. I was probably the first guy in history of our ward to fire the HTers. So sometimes you just gotta put the foot down and not be so afraid of people getting their feelers hurt.
Re: Going to grow a pair
Posted: Wed Nov 27, 2019 6:37 am
by Mackman
Well in a strange twist of events , she caved !!!!!! I guess I gave a little too. I get to have my coffee at work keep my apostate views including posting on NOM but go to church with her , Temple occasionally and we dont discuss church Bullshit !!! Pretty much the way Corsair has it !!!! She says I can fake it till I make it. I told her Ive already made it . So we agreed to leave it there just let things muddle along the NOM path. Seems like it can work it has for 5 years now it only blows up when she tries to push harder , I can bullshit the bullshiters as good as anybody I think she learned a valuable lesson . Dont poke a sleeping bear with a stick!!!!!
Re: Going to grow a pair
Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:38 am
by Kishkumen
Congrats!
Re: Going to grow a pair
Posted: Tue Dec 10, 2019 7:11 pm
by Hagoth
Corsair wrote: ↑Tue Nov 26, 2019 8:45 am
When I first saw the topic title, I first registered it as "Going to grow a
tapir" which would have been a very different conversation.
I noticed this topic moved to directly above "Breasts in the news," and my brain tried to combine them into a single topic.
Re: Going to grow a pair
Posted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 11:00 pm
by Raylan Givens
Mackman wrote: ↑Wed Nov 27, 2019 6:37 am
Well in a strange twist of events , she caved !!!!!! I guess I gave a little too. I get to have my coffee at work keep my apostate views including posting on NOM but go to church with her , Temple occasionally and we dont discuss church Bullshit !!! Pretty much the way Corsair has it !!!! She says I can fake it till I make it. I told her Ive already made it . So we agreed to leave it there just let things muddle along the NOM path. Seems like it can work it has for 5 years now it only blows up when she tries to push harder , I can bullshit the bullshiters as good as anybody I think she learned a valuable lesson . Dont poke a sleeping bear with a stick!!!!!
This worked for my grandpa at about the 40 year point in his marriage. Still working about another 20 years in. People in the ward love him, and come to him more than the BP because he is “real.”