NOM

So DW and I never received any kind of invitation to tithing settlement this year. So we never went. We missed the announcement if there was one and nobody every sent a text, email or other communication to us personally or as part of a group.

I am not looking this gift horse in the mouth, but anyone have any idea what this means? Did the bishop just declare for us? We are still attending weekly and holding callings.

slavereeno wrote: ↑

Tue Dec 31, 2019 1:29 pm

So DW and I never received any kind of invitation to tithing settlement this year. So we never went. We missed the announcement if there was one and nobody every sent a text, email or other communication to us personally or as part of a group.

I am not looking this gift horse in the mouth, but anyone have any idea what this means? Did the bishop just declare for us? We are still attending weekly and holding callings.

If you don't hear anything in the near future, then yes, the bishop will just declare for you. I don't remember what the deadline for the bishop to send the status report to HQ is, but If my tiny fluffy brain remembers correctly, it's not Dec. 31st, it's some time in the "new year." You could still get a quick call or a text asking you to "declare."

Are you absolutely sure they didn't contact your wife, and she "forgot" to let you know? If it has in fact been complete radio silence from the bishop and his entourage, you've likely scared them to the point that they are skirting their duty by literally being afraid to talk to you, so... CONGRATULATIONS!

God knows exactly what I did with his money. If you think that you should know, then ask him.


That's my usual response.

wtfluff wrote: ↑

Tue Dec 31, 2019 2:00 pm

If you don't hear anything in the near future, then yes, the bishop will just declare for you. I don't remember what the deadline for the bishop to send the status report to HQ is, but If my tiny fluffy brain remembers correctly, it's not Dec. 31st, it's some time in the "new year." You could still get a quick call or a text asking you to "declare."

Darn, I was hoping somehow we just no longer existed in the minds of the bishopric.

Are you absolutely sure they didn't contact your wife, and she "forgot" to let you know? If it has in fact been complete radio silence from the bishop and his entourage, you've likely scared them to the point that they are skirting their duty by literally being afraid to talk to you, so... CONGRATULATIONS!

Haha, not sure. I still teach a Sunday shool class twice a month, but I have only been to elders quorum about 3 times in 2019. I have also refused any invitations to speak in church. My spidey senses (peter tingle?) tell me I may have been discussed in ward council. That could just be the paranoia though.

lostinmiddlemormonism wrote: ↑

Tue Dec 31, 2019 2:09 pm

God knows exactly what I did with his money. If you think that you should know, then ask him.

I like this.

Quick, text the bishop your declaration. There are a few hours yet before the chariot turns into a pumpkin.

I don't know about you, but I will get a phone call in a couple of days from my bishop asking me to declare my tithing status. He knows I am going to say that I am a non-tithe payer, but he will still ask me to say it. At least, that is how it has happened the last few years.

The idea that someone in SLC is going to read the Bishop's report and say "ah-ha!" Is an example of how fearful you are of what is a voluntary organization. Nobody anywhere cares but you. The Bishop may have an "oh poop, missed one" moment but that's about it.

Nobody is losing their recommend over this.

I avoided tithing settlement by design this year, although it would more accurately be called "benign negligence". My wife does not like to be in the bishop's office when I declare myself a full tithe payer as this is a bald faced lie. So she is in no hurry to attend even though she is a full tithe payer

We never signed up on the list on the bishop's door. And we assiduously ignored the text messages from the executive secretary inviting us to attend. Our bishop is a long time friend who does not know my actual faith, and it is unlikely to improve anyone's life by letting his know. I suspect that he just declared our status himself and then enjoyed the rest of the Christmas season with his family.

I haven't paid tithing since 2016, and I haven't declared my tithing status for the past couple years, I don't know what the bishop did with that. It has not affected my ability to be a primary teacher.

Slavereeno you’re on the list!

It’s a bad list. It means that your future will never hold a calling like bishop or stake president because they’ll run your name through the donation database, then cross check it with the tithing declaration database, then cross check again to the “chronic masturbator” list, before checking your tax returns to see if you even make enough money to qualify for such a calling.

I can visualize the conversation at church headquarters now.

Elder Bednar: Sister Janice Kapp (his secretary) can you call the IT guys down in Riverton and have them run a Bishop/SP clearance report on Brother Slave Reeno?

Sister Kapp: oh Lord Bednar, yes! Yes! I will call down to Riverton, request a clearance report, and return and report my labors.

Sister Kapp: dialing the rotary phone... is this IT in Riverton? Can you run a Bishop/SP clearance report for a Brother Slave Reeno? That’s R...E...E...N...O... Reeno?

IT Riverton: you mean the one that provides background info on sexual predators and abuse risk management that all Bishops and SP should pass?

Sister Kapp: we run those?

IT Riverton: ha ha ha of course not Sister Kapp, we were just kidding with you and giving you a hard time! Don’t tell Elder Bednar since he’ll just get mad at us for even thinking that background checks are something the church should do. Besides, you know how much money that would cost?

Sister Kapp: oh you silly IT guys I never know when you are serious! Just send the reports to my fax machine.

Sister Kapp’s Fax machine: Deep, deep, beep, beep, beaaaaaaaaaaap, incoming fax......!

Sister Kapp: ripping the report off the fax machine she quickly skims as she walks into Elder Bednar’s office. Sir, I got the clearance reports for Brother Slave Reeno?

Elder Bednar: well, what does it say?

Sister Kapp: It shows he paid his tithes and offerings regularly from 1994 until 2018 then suddenly stopped, he attended tithing settlement every year declaring a full tithe status until he suddenly missed tithing settlement in 2019.

Elder Bednar: .....and?

Sister Kapp: He’s confessed to masturbating in every worthiness interview since he was 12, then had what looks like a two year gap when he was 19 - 21? Is that right? Then uh, it looks like he was on and off, on and off, doing it again occasionally for the next few years? Does that disqualify him under the definition of “chronic”?

Elder Bednar: what does the LDS Tools app data show?

Sister Kapp: it shows he found some really bad websites he frequents late at night, that he likes big breasted hot blondes named Sally the MILF, and he spends hours and hours on a site called NOM?

Elder Bednar: Not again? How many Melchizadok priesthood holders do we have to deny the calling of Bishop to because they post on NOM?

Red Ryder wrote: ↑

Thu Jan 02, 2020 12:11 pm

Elder Bednar: Not again? How many Melchizadok priesthood holders do we have to deny the calling of Bishop to because they post on NOM?

Linked wrote: ↑

Thu Jan 02, 2020 11:23 am

Haha, yes this was my reaction when DW brought it up.

Corsair wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 01, 2020 12:27 pm

We never signed up on the list on the bishop's door. And we assiduously ignored the text messages from the executive secretary inviting us to attend. Our bishop is a long time friend who does not know my actual faith, and it is unlikely to improve anyone's life by letting his know. I suspect that he just declared our status himself and then enjoyed the rest of the Christmas season with his family.

Ok, so have I somehow started a precedent. As far as I know none of the ward members know I am disaffected. I would love to just never to tithing settlement again.

Update: The bishop called DW and said that our tithing settlement got lost in the shuffle, she declared over the phone and that was that.

slavereeno wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 06, 2020 9:39 am

Update: The bishop called DW and said that our tithing settlement got lost in the shuffle, she declared over the phone and that was that.

Full, part, $100B, we have sufficient for our needs, non of your business bishop?

Don’t keep us hanging. We have to judge your worthiness!!

slavereeno wrote: ↑

Tue Dec 31, 2019 1:29 pm

I am not looking this gift horse in the mouth, but anyone have any idea what this means? Did the bishop just declare for us? We are still attending weekly and holding callings.

It could mean that you weren't/aren't high enough on his list of people to be concerned about to have preemptively reached out to you yet. Either way, don't look in the mouth!

Red Ryder wrote: ↑

Thu Jan 02, 2020 12:11 pm

Elder Bednar: Not again? How many Melchizadok priesthood holders do we have to deny the calling of Bishop to because they post on NOM?

slavereeno wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 06, 2020 9:39 am

Update: The bishop called DW and said that our tithing settlement got lost in the shuffle, she declared over the phone and that was that.

That's the best you can hope for. I haven't actually gone in a few years, I just email my status.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 06, 2020 9:48 am

Full, part, $100B, we have sufficient for our needs, non of your business bishop?

Don’t keep us hanging. We have to judge your worthiness!!