Friends only if you are TBM

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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Mackman
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Friends only if you are TBM

Post by Mackman » Mon Feb 10, 2020 1:18 pm

During my faith crisis which I consider now over as I no longer believe anything the church teaches I noticed that people who were supposed to be my close friends disappeared!!!! Many still avoid me like the plague. like I have a terminal disease that they might catch from me. Friends in this corporation oh I mean church are only your friends if you are Temple going TBM and any thing less they avoid you like they never knew you !!! Not very Christ like I'd say. Thank God my eyes were opened and I see this church for what it really is . Anyone else experience this ?? Sorry for sounding bitter today but just feeling like I have had it with all the b.s. that goes along with the church , wife is digging in her heels I feel like the end is near for my marriage. Tough day !

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Hagoth
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Re: Friends only if you are TBM

Post by Hagoth » Mon Feb 10, 2020 1:39 pm

I have seen a degree of this but I also have TBM friends who have remained friends regardless, so extra credit friend points to them. My non-LDS friends have remained steady regardless of what I believe. Although I have seen surprised looks from non-LDS friends seeing me ordering coffee.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

Wonderment
Posts: 283
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:38 pm

Re: Friends only if you are TBM

Post by Wonderment » Mon Feb 10, 2020 5:17 pm

Friends in this corporation oh I mean church are only your friends if you are Temple going TBM and any thing less they avoid you like they never knew you !!! Not very Christ like I'd say. Thank God my eyes were opened and I see this church for what it really is . Anyone else experience this ?? Sorry for sounding bitter today but just feeling like I have had iOnt with all the b.s. that goes along with the church , wife is digging in her heels I feel like the end is near for my marriage. Tough day !
I am so sorry that you are having a tough day ! I agree with you that shunning is real problem in high-demand churches, and it happens a lot; so please know that you are not alone.
One of the blessings in re-ordering your life so that it is not based around the church, is that you can go out into the world and make friends who do not judge you on the basis of religion. There are many people out there who will like you for exactly who you are, regardless of church attendance. Hang in there, and be assured that things can and will get much better. :) Take care, from Wndr.

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FiveFingerMnemonic
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Re: Friends only if you are TBM

Post by FiveFingerMnemonic » Tue Feb 11, 2020 9:20 am

Yes, but I have better friends who have opened their eyes (fellow NOMS if you will, but that don't participate here). There is great comradery to be had in shared experience. One is a coworker and another a friend from my mission.

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Just This Guy
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Re: Friends only if you are TBM

Post by Just This Guy » Thu Feb 13, 2020 6:06 am

This was actually one of my first really heavy shelf items.

I went inactive around 2010 due to pure burnout. Holding 6 callings on top of normal church duties and a young career and family was just too much, I needed a break. I still considered myself a believing Mormon, but stopped going. I was very surprised that almost no one at church seam to notice. No one came to me to say, "we haven't seen you for a while, are you okay?" or even "Hey we have missed you."

I learned pretty soon that if you were not there to play the part, the church didn't want want or need you. Really, all I wanted was a sign that I meant more than just a warm body and an able bodied back to work on whatever is needed. Nope, it was soon blindingly obvious that as much as they may talk a good game, no one in church cared about me.

What made it worse, When I went inactive, the women started attacking my wife who was still going with the kids. Several members of the RS Presidency would talk to my wife about how she had led me astray. I was so faithful before I met her, but no I wasn't. And she was the one at church still... Couple that with a 1st councilor in the bishopric who was majorly abusing his position at her expense, she went inactive a few months after I did.

So when the Jensen case broke and the selves of both my wife and me broke, we were both already used to being black sheep of the ward family and no one seam to notice beyond that.

So yeah, out of the members who we knew back in the day, only 3 will even talk to us today, and for the most part, we are fine with that.
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

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Hagoth
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Re: Friends only if you are TBM

Post by Hagoth » Tue Feb 18, 2020 12:12 pm

Just This Guy wrote:
Thu Feb 13, 2020 6:06 am
No one came to me to say, "we haven't seen you for a while, are you okay?" or even "Hey we have missed you."
I'm sure some would like to do that but they have to balance that against the deep-seated fear that you might tell them why you left which might introduce something into their thought process that they won't be able to erase.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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