Will it be a softer, kinder general conference?

[glass shelf]

Mormons are flooding FB with invites to gc because it's going to be such a positive, uplifting experience. Any chance the powers that be will actually make that happen? Or will it be the same bigoted, patriarchial, outdated celebration of JS and the fictional 1950s nuclear family that it usually is?

[glass shelf]

I vote for the latter. No time like now to capitalize on fear and make sure the sheep know their place.

[wtfluff]

I believe it will be the latter also.

I don't think Rusty or his cronies understand that their rhetoric is basically hateful. Of course, in their mind, they worship a hateful deity, so there's that...

[Just This Guy]

I see claims all over FB every 6 months about how to great GC will be. They say it will wondrous, spiritual, and inspiring GC will be. And every time it is the same old mind numbing, boring, repetitive slock that it was the previous couple hundred times.

Unless all the top leadership suddenly kicks the bucket, I do not expect to see it be any better for many, many years.

[jfro18]

I believe it will be a very bipolar GC.

I think there will be speakers who are kinder and gentler and hopeful, and there will also be speakers who are preaching that the end is near and pay your tithing because you do not want to be separated from your family.

That way there will be something for everyone, and whatever you went into GC expecting you can proclaim on social media happened.

[Red Ryder]

Here’s how I see it going down:

First Presidency will be in one of those stake conference video chapels sitting 6 feet apart. Sorry, 2 meters apart (it’s a world wide church).

Conference will start as usual with Oaks presiding every sesh by default. He will introduce the conference and kiss the ring finger of President Nelson smirking that this was prophesied to be unlike any other conference.

When it’s time for the opening song, Eyering will walk off camera and come back with one of those giant 1980’s boom boxes on his shoulder. He will struggle to set it down in front of his big red chair but manage without breaking it. He will then struggle to push the play button for 35 seconds, all the while Oaks will lose patience with him and stomp over yelling “Damnit Hank! Just push the button!”

Hank will push the play button and the sound of his 1980’s MoTab Choir mix tape will play the opening song. After the opening song finishes, the camera will pan over to the microphone and pulpit only to find Hank hasn’t made it yet. The camera pans back to find Hank with his eyes closed seemingly replaying the MoTab’s 1982 Christmas in Israel album I his head. Oaks throws his shoe and Hank ducks in time, waddles to the microphone and says a long talk prayer. Oaks is caught on screen murmuring under his breath.

Oaks then graciously thanks Hank for the music and prayer. Then announces the remaining half of the conference session.

First speak will be Elder Bednar. The Skype video connects and Elder B is seen on screen combing his hair again trying to get it perfect. Seen on the mirror, you can tell he is in his blue suit, white shirt, red tie, and no pants on. Standing their in nothing but his black socks, mesh garment bottoms, and his suit jacket, he runs over and sits down in his giant red replica of his apostle chair. You can’t tell he’s not wearing any pants, but the members know. Oaks murmurs “Dammit David, we practiced this. Leave the hair alone and stay in your chair!” Elder B gives a talk on the important of food storage including the appropriate bottling temperature of pickle jars.

Next up is Elder Gong, sitting in his big red replica chair at home. He praises Elder Bednar, Elder Oaks, and President Nelson. Then spends the next 14 minutes explaining that he is not Chinese, isn’t contagious, has severe spring allergies, says he isn’t contagious, he Loves the Lord, mentions again he’s not contagious, and reiterates his love for President Nelson and Wendy. Then he notes again he’s not contagious, he’s not from China, and the Lord will bless us as we are obedient to the shelter in. Then he ends with a giant sneeze!! aaaachooooo! I’m NoT contagious, he yells as the video cuts off and the FP appears on the screen.

Next up is another song by the MoTab choir. This time Oaks walks over and grabs the boom box from Hank’s feet and pushes the button. Suddenly a loud bass beat drops... I like big butts and i can not lie, my other brothers can’t deny! I like them big, and round, and juicy! I get spruuuuuung! Members around the world begin to sing in unison before Oaks pushes stop. This time he pushes the other side of the dual cassette tape and Motab again plays appropriately.

After the rest song, Nelson gets up and shuffles to the podium where he congratulates the members for participating in a historic never before seen general conference. He speaks about the last days, reassuring everyone that Moroni’s trumpet will be reattached by worthy construction workers holding a current temple recommend. He then proceeds to prime everyone’s curiosity by announcing that more adjustments to church policy will be coming in the Sunday afternoon session.

The closing song is played on the boom box featuring an unknown elder of the seventy.

Stay tuned for the next session of conference.

[2bizE]

Nope. Oaks will troll on LGBTQ.
Others will reference the coronavirus to our sins.
Much praising of Jesus Smith.

[moksha]

Nope. Oaks will troll on LGBTQ.
Others will reference the coronavirus to our sins.
Much praising of Jesus Smith.

Do you think the message "Mankind exists to obey God's chosen Authorities" will be given?

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

Tell you what...let's keep a running log of the times they actually mention Jesus (other than the perfunctory mentions in prayers and the name of the church) vs how many times they mention Joe Smith.

Who will win? Any bets?


-lost

[Hagoth]

Covenant path, our leaders are great, covenant path, Joseph Smith, covenant path, tithes and offerings, our leaders are great, Jesus, covenant path...

[Hagoth]

Mormons are flooding FB with invites to gc because it's going to be such a positive, uplifting experience. Any chance the powers that be will actually make that happen? Or will it be the same bigoted, patriarchial, outdated celebration of JS and the fictional 1950s nuclear family that it usually is?

Looks like they might be trolling for bored, trapped-at-home Jack Mormons and non-Mormons.

[RubinHighlander]

I believe it will be a very bipolar GC.

1+
They have been trying to play to multiple generations for a while now: the old bigot boomers vs. the more progressive Millennials on down. They always want to have it both ways. This goes back to the trend Dieter set: "Past leaders may have made mistakes.....but doubt your doubts!"

I would place some formerly paid tithing $$ that there will be more than the usual (carefully worded) fire and damnation talks (mingled with scripture and the philosophies of old men). What speaker can resist the temptation to take advantage of the virus and recent earthquakes in Utah and Idaho?

I'll rely on some of you good NOM folks to give us infidels the cliff notes. Montgomery Burns Nelson better have something special up his sleeve; these TBMs are salivating with anticipation for this conference to be super delicious.

[Hagoth]

They have been trying to play to multiple generations for a while now: the old bigot boomers vs. the more progressive Millennials on down. They always want to have it both ways.

Rumor has it that, instead of the choir, they will be playing this hymn because their keepers have informed them that "it's what's goin' down with the millenials, yo."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVr5Y7t2QN4

[glass shelf]

Mormons are flooding FB with invites to gc because it's going to be such a positive, uplifting experience. Any chance the powers that be will actually make that happen? Or will it be the same bigoted, patriarchial, outdated celebration of JS and the fictional 1950s nuclear family that it usually is?

Looks like they might be trolling for bored, trapped-at-home Jack Mormons and non-Mormons.

The people I know who posted this believe they're casting their net out into the wider waters of Christianity. In other words, they live far from the morridor and have lots of nevermo friends.

[glass shelf]

I will be enjoying my day off on Saturday by hanging with my kids, and then I'll be working on Sunday. I'll have to rely on NOMies to keep count of JC vs JS and track how divided it is between trying to scare people into repenting, er, paying tithing and trying to convince that the church is all-inclusive.

[nibbler]

This may get long, so most important thing first:

Facebook has a feature where you can snooze people for 30 days. I've already snoozed all the regulars that like to post every third word said during conference.

Now the boring comments:

I'm half expecting, half hoping that Nelson will say something similar to, "When I said that this conference would be special, I didn't mean like this." and then grin and pause for the General Conference Laughter™ to die down, except there won't be any laughter unless they add a laugh track. Still, I do half expect a moment like that. Maybe I'm naive.

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but there is a small part of me that thinks it could just as easily turn into an, "I told you so." moment.

The scuttlebutt was that the original plan had this conference being the first conference to have assigned talks and the theme of the assigned talks was the restoration. We talk about that all the time at church, so good luck coming up with a new take or saying something semi-interesting on that subject over a 10 hour period. Conference was already boring enough with the half dozen recycled themes, it will be downright brutal with only one theme.

I don't know whether every talk was going to be on the restoration and I don't know whether there have been last minute changes to address current events, but I hope conference isn't one big restoration-fest. The restoration is the theme we already hit on the most at church. It's ultra boring and it's hard for me to feel spiritually fed when the end goal behind lessons and talks feels like someone trying to prove the authority or truthfulness of the church. I've said it too many times... Great, so you have a true church. Now what? Oh, we're going to talk about how true the church is again. Cool.

Given past conferences and current events I predict there will be a few, "Do not fear, little flock." talks. Being critical, I fully expect several messages to be coated in a thick layer of Mormon Prosperity Gospel. Calls to be more obedient in order to qualify to not be afraid. Some talks that lay the guilt on thick, "If ye are prepared..." You know, those talks that you believe are outlining the pattern to calm anxieties but subconsciously they're the very thing that is feeding your anxiety. I've got to be obedient to make it through this! But I'm not perfect! I'm doomed! Regular conference funtimes.

[2bizE]

Nope. Oaks will troll on LGBTQ.
Others will reference the coronavirus to our sins.
Much praising of Jesus Smith.

Do you think the message "Mankind exists to obey God's chosen Authorities" will be given?

Isn’t that the message every GC?

[Hagoth]

I'm half expecting, half hoping that Nelson will say something similar to, "When I said that this conference would be special, I didn't mean like this." and then grin and pause for the General Conference Laughter™

That would really be refreshing. Based on his past performance I kinda expect it to be more like, "I said this conference would be special. Aren't you glad you live in the latter-days when we have ongoing guidance from our Heavenly Father?"

[Mormorrisey]

I believe it will be a very bipolar GC.

I think there will be speakers who are kinder and gentler and hopeful, and there will also be speakers who are preaching that the end is near and pay your tithing because you do not want to be separated from your family.

That way there will be something for everyone, and whatever you went into GC expecting you can proclaim on social media happened.

This - because this is the way conference ALWAYS goes. And I think it's deliberate as a marketing tool. There's a very large grain of truth in what jfro18 says here, about getting out the memes on social media. There's usually one talk that I can get behind per conference, and while I don't go blabbering on about it on social media, there should be something during GC that appeals to each member, so they can then get the word out. I'm also going to have a large bottle of Dr. Pepper on hand, and every time "covenant path" is mentioned, I'll take a swig. My own Mormon drinking game!

This year, I'll be home for GC, so I can't wait for NOMference! Paging Dr. Mopag to save my sanity!

[Palerider]

.......the end goal behind lessons and talks feels like someone trying to prove the authority or truthfulness of the church. I've said it too many times... Great, so you have a true church. Now what? Oh, we're going to talk about how true the church is again. Cool.

I've thought many a time, "You guys constantly cover this so much, I'm beginning to wonder who you're trying to convince; me or yourselves???"

If leadership were so utterly convinced in their own minds regarding the restoration, they wouldn't feel the need to constantly persuade members that it actually occurred. Subconsciously I think they are afraid. They live in fear of the day when some researcher finds that indisputable smoking gun that even THEY can't ignore.